This is part one of a three-part series with parents Leigh and Pierre. Leigh is from the US and Pierre is from France, and they moved their family from France to the states one year ago. They have two children - almost 5 yr old Jean and 2 year old Nina. However, they came to Leslie to talk about Jean who is not speaking outside of her immediate family. Over time, Leigh and Pierre have heard the diagnosis “selective mutism” and have made changes accordingly, but they’re still struggling with what they should do. In this episode Leslie walks Leigh and Pierre through an assessment of why a child might be selectively speaking. While there are lots of causes, they mostly boil down to vulnerability. Is Jean stressing about her learning two languages at once? Struggling with perfectionism? Or Is she not feeling safe when she’s out in the world? We ask these questions and many more in this session

Time Stamps

• Selective Mutism
• Parents explain how they’re reacting to their child’s struggles
• When parents can relate to their struggles - is there a genetic component
• Developing an avoidant behavior: the child speaks when they feel safe
• Confidence, safety, willingness: 3 important things, without them child is left feeling vulnerable
• Talk about what perfectionism looks like in kids and adults. Perfectionism and its relationship to anxiety
• Practice being vulnerable - the problem with avoiding or suppressing those uncomfortable emotions. Some kids gravitate to only wanting to experience the pleasant emotions
• Practice learning to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation
• Indirect ways to support:
  • Letting child use nonverbal and indirect communication (and validating it)
  • When you’re with other people, practice talking (not to them, but around them)
  • Tell them “can you give yourself practice making a mistake”

Resources:

• The podcast Well, Hello Anxiety with Dr Jodi Richardson episode on selective mutism
• Other resources on selective mutism

Leslie-ism: What is the loud and clear message you may be sending to your child

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.