Parenting is a work in progress and the idea that you get to learn as you go is essential. In today’s episode Karen, who is eager to learn returns for her second session as we unpack the complexities of parent-child relationships of her three children. Karen is seeking advice on how to raise resilient children, how to set limits when it feels like your daughter’s best friend talks back to adults and when your kids fight in the grocery store. Understanding who your child is and understanding the situation you are dealing with can change your perspective and guide your parenting skills.

Time Stamps

3:10 Helping get kids off technology can range from connecting to your child to changing your expectations.

4:18 The change in the parents behavior can have a direct impact on what the child does

5:25 Changing your perspective from what the child is doing to you vs what’s happening to the child

7:39 Change takes time - manage your expectations

9:08The difference between authoritative vs authoritarian - Learning to be comfortable with your authority as a parent

12:20 Human interaction is complex - assess the contributing factors including your child's vulnerabilities, expectations and beliefs

14:35 Missed opportunities - its like missing a train - there will be another one

16:19 Be “REAL” with your kids

17:33 Name the elephant in the room - verbalize what’s going on

18:35 Put your foot on the brake - Stop trying to teach/rationalize and put your foot on the validation gas pedal

19:20 Expand your thinking - be more flexible - get rid of stereotypes

20:10 Stop after the validation - don’t talk so much

22:20 Parenting is often counterintuitive

24:24 Practice taking a non-judgmental stance

25:29 DON'T change the limit - Validate and help them express themselves more accurately - with plenty of examples

28:25 FACE the challenge instead of avoiding the challenge

• Story of community service - giving back to others

31:37 How to raise resilient kids and teach them to cope with life's struggles

36:40 Reinforcement - acknowledge what they experienced rather than praise

37:28 Coping skills are designed to keep the problem from getting worse (or from escalating) and learning to tolerate the discomfort

• 5,5,5, Skills -5 things you hear, 5 things you see, 5 things you feel

Resources:

• ACCEPTS Skill in Dialectic Behavior Therapy
• IMPROVE Skill in Dialectic Behavior Therapy
• Self-Soothe Skill in Dialectic Behavior Therapy

Leslie-ism: The road to happiness is knowing how to handle the life’s struggles

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecoh`podcasts/ . Yo u can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by

In today’s session you will meet Karen who has three kids, 10 year old Kate, 8 year old Vivian, and 5 year old Owen and asks Leslie the question of how to get her kids off technology. . Answering that question, means assessing what’s going on and then tailoring the strategies to each individual child. This session also focuses on helping parents feel comfortable with their own authority while maintaining mutual respect with your child.and how not to personalize your child’s big emotions.

Time Stamps

4:10 The unstructured nature of summer and its challenges

5:00 The dialectic perspective of the strong-willed children

8:15 Reasons how you diminish your authority as a parent

• Wait till the father steps in
• Feeling like your children push your buttons
• Giving children too many choices
• Mom doesn’t mean what she says

12:45 Create individual strategies for dealing with technology for your individual kids

14:35 Don’t give into the “fairness game”

• Validate and move on rather than dismiss and move on

16:35 Family meeting where everyone has a chance to be heard

17:25 Teaching children to manage “Technology Time”

18:25 Fair is not the same as equal

18:45 The definition of a “bad” parent -When parents personalize their child’s anger

21:19 Change your perspective and your interpretations

• My son is having strong emotions
• My son is getting to know his anger
• My son is feeling disappointment

24:47 Parents can unintentionally reinforce a child’s emotional reactivity

25:55 Cope Ahead Skill - Help a child learn what they can do differently next time instead of shaming them

28:35 How to establish personal power and agency for your children that is effective

30:21 Working on developing mutual respect

33:18 Observe and describe your child’s behavior nonjudgmentally

34:33 Explaining fairness, equanimity and sameness with a metaphor

38:05 Create structure in the day to help children manage technology time

41:44 Understanding what it means to be comfortable with authority

Leslie-ism: Say what you mean and mean what you say

Resources:

Horton Hatches An Egg by Dr Seuss read aloud on video

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

To quote Max Stossel “social media is drastically impacting young people’s mental health, focus, social skills, productivity and self-worth". On today’s episode, Leslie has a conversation with technology expert, Max Stossel, who was a media strategist before becoming an educator on this topic. He speaks about the reality of phones and compassionately, how parents do indeed have to deal with this reality because it's not going away. Max increases our understanding of how social media is designed to keep kids (and us) on the phones. He offers practical solutions to work on and hopes to create a common language between parents and their kids.

Time Stamps

3:45 Max explains his mission to “help children survive and thrive in the modern world”

• Social Media is like gas on a fire of all the issues that were already there for teenagers/kids such as self worth, bullying, etc

5:00 Help kids to have a mindful moment of really checking in about how their technology makes them feel

8:40 How understanding slot machines and their variable reward system explains how and why we use the phone (Intermitten reinforcement which keeps a behavior going

11:37 Changing the question to your child from “do you like this? TO how does it make you feel?”

• “How does it make you feel during and after?”

13:00 We can help children develop an awareness of what they are feeling during and after being on technology

14:45 Discussing the overwhelm that parents feel with the pressures of tech use

15:30 Discussion of why and how to delay giving your child a phone for as long as possible and problem solving

19:16 Max’s list a few of his recommendations (see show notes for a more extensive list)

• Removing phones from bedrooms
• Using Technology is a trade between presence or looking at my phone. Its a choice
• Narrate that choice- take responsibility for the choice you make
• The bigger the screen the better (more social accountability and less isolation)

24:15 Two role play situations. 25:17 Trying to get your teen off their phone. 34:20 When your tween asks you to get them a phone

28:40 Review of the strategies of the first role play

38::00 Review of the strategies of the second role play

42:20 Technology gets in the way of self discovery

45:30 Experiment with substitute experiences instead of scrolling

Leslie-ism: Replace the question of “do you like this TO how does it make you feel”

Resources:

Max Stossel’s Organization Social Awakening Website with technology resources

Here is a list of best practices recommended by Max Stossel

Here is list of best practices recommended by Max Stossel

Max Stossel’s Website as a Poet and Performer

The Center For Human Technology with a link to the movie The Social Dilemma

Wait Until 8th Movement - resources and information

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram,