Welcome back to the Why Does My Partner Podcast. For this bonus mini-series, were joined by Ann Kelley from the Therapist Uncensored podcast to tackle our next set of listener questions. Ann is a licensed psychologist and co-author of Secure Relating along with her wife and podcasting partner, Sue Marriott.

Do you and your partner have rituals when you come back together from being apart? Today’s question opens up our to ways that implicit memories can stir up old learned expectations of what happens when someone leaves us. If you’ve experienced painful separations in your past, your body may still be expecting that, even when your mind knows that nothing is wrong. We talk about how that could show up for either partner in this situation, and Ann shares her unique way of describing attachment styles, and how that can help folks have a smoother separation and reunion in their partnerships.

Quotes:

“we evoke a fight sometimes because we want it to match what's going on inside…and if my head says it should be fine, but my body doesn't, well then I'm gonna go for what I'm feeling.”

Recommended Reading:

Secure Relating by Ann Kelly and Sue Marriott

Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered by Juliane Taylor Shore

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