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** Content warning: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts, plans, and mental health crises. Please take care while listening.

In this episode of The Dysregulated Podcast, I unpack my latest therapy session — one that left both my psychologist and I scrambling to try and understand thoughts and feelings that were much more serious than ever before. The stakes couldn't be higher; this was very much a life-or-death scenario.

These looping dark thoughts come from deep within my psyche, much deeper than the usual storm of emotion-fuelled suicidal ideation. This time, it was cold, logical, calculated… and that makes it so much harder to fight. For the first time, I had a clear plan. It felt less like an impulse and more like a grim conclusion my rational mind had come to — and that’s terrifying.

After opening up fully, my psychologist had no choice but to call the NSW mental health line right there in the room. It was confronting but also reassuring to have her there advocating for me. That call has now led to a referral to the Newcastle Community Mental Health Team, with hopes they can triage me properly and maybe even secure an extended inpatient stay to finally sort out these meds.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

In this episode of My Therapy Reflections, I explore my latest psychology session, which admittedly wasn’t particularly productive. With my mind in overdrive from lack of sleep, stimulant dependency, and sheer frustration at life, I spent most of the session ranting—about how I’m not getting the help I need, how my life feels worthless, how all the suffering and sacrifice hasn’t led to the happiness I thought it would.

I leaned hard into that old belief that there are winners and losers in this world—and I’m firmly in the loser camp, destined for disappointment. My negative loops were too strong to break, so my therapist could really only listen.

But even so, these sessions matter. They give my therapist a fuller picture of what I’m up against. And while we didn’t work through much trauma or with my parts this time, just showing up meant everything—especially since I had to crank myself right up to get there.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

I've been working on a deeply personal episode about retroactive jealousy, but my inner critic has been relentless in sabotaging my attempts to record it. This is going to be my most revealing episode yet, explaining how retroactive jealousy has been my borderline personality disorder's "weapon of choice" throughout my life. But as I explain in this episode, my mind is stopping me from getting on with the job! I also take a brief look at the current NSW mental health system and how it is affecting me (and others) and I report a slight decrease in one of my medications (which is a win!).

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

In this episode, I share my ongoing battle to getting help from the mental health system in reducing my medication load. And progress continues to be hard to come by.

I share the latest letters my GP has sent off to Bloomfield Hospital and ISMHU, pleading for an inpatient stay to safely reduce and taper off my psych meds. I open up about the financial barriers to private care, the paradox of needing to make anxiety-inducing phone calls just to access treatment (for anxiety disorders!), and the emotional toll of constantly needing to self-advocate with disorders such as BPD in the mix. It’s time to up the anti, and try a new strategy. One I hoped I wouldn’t have to use…

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

The Discharge Papers returns — but not all of it is good news.
In this episode, I read through my latest discharge papers from the Mater Mental Health Hospital, offering an unfiltered and completely vulnerable look at what actually happens during a psychiatric assessment in an emergency department, during my most acute mental illness battles.

• The hospital notes describe me as articulate and intelligent, with strong insight into my mental health
• Diagnoses listed include BPD, ADHD, autism, OCD, and multiple anxiety disorders
• The psychiatrist also flagged “Cluster C personality vulnerabilities,” which I found interesting and might explore in a future episode
• I talk through the ongoing challenges of medication management, plus possible future treatments like TMS and esketamine/ketamine
• I also share my frustration with the NSW mental health system — while staying open to anything that might help me get better
• This episode follows on from Back to the Mater, where I recorded myself just before walking into the hospital seeking help. The story continues to evolve! And I'm still in the fight....just.

If you're enjoying the podcast, please like, subscribe, leave a rating, and follow me on Instagram @elliot.t.waters or check out The Dysregulated Podcast on Facebook to stay up to date with new episodes.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

Awake up at 4 AM and recording from my car, I'm sharing some thoughts during a tough winter period where both physical illness and mental health challenges have been colliding. Winter has always been difficult for me, and getting sick complicates many of my energy-dependent coping strategies for managing my mental ill health. Burnout is a tough foe to battle, along with the various disorders that I’m up against. But the fight for peace of mind rages on!

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

To support the show, CLICK HERE
You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters

Send Me a Message!

Opposite action is a powerful DBT skill that helps us override our automatic emotional responses by choosing behaviours that counter what we're feeling. This skill works by strengthening neural connections between our prefrontal cortex and amygdala, physically changing our brain to improve emotional regulation.

• Identifying what emotion you're experiencing (anxiety, anger, sadness)
• Understanding what your emotion is urging you to do (avoid, lash out, isolate)
• Consciously choosing the opposite behaviour
• Taking action despite emotional discomfort
• Reflecting on the outcome and noticing positive effects
• Using opposite action to manage impulsivity and emotional reactivity

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Follow my journey living with mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way. Lived experience is the driving force of this podcast, and through this lens, my stories are told.
This is a raw, honest, and authentic account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!