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Have you ever had to fight your own mind just to do something you love? In this follow-up episode to "When Social Anxiety Hits Back", I share my win of making it to the Newcastle Knights game—despite social anxiety trying it's hardest to keep me trapped at home.

It came down to a last-minute call, but walking into McDonald Jones Stadium with 30,000 fans reminded me that showing up matters more than the scoreboard. Even though the Knights went down to the Brisbane Broncos, pushing past my mental health barriers felt like the real victory. And it was!

Sometimes building a life worth living means leaning into discomfort and fronting up anyway, especially for the things that make us feel alive! Go Knights!

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What happens when the things we love most become casualties of our mental health? Today, I’m facing that question head-on as social anxiety keeps me from the final Newcastle Knights home game of the season.

For me, the Knights aren’t just a hobby, they’re part of my identity! With my Pride of the Hunter banner and strong, powerful voice in the stands, I’ve become a bit of a fixture at McDonald Jones Stadium. Yet instead of joining 30,000 fans today, I’m at home recording this episode.

This tug-of-war happens a lot, between wanting to go and feeling capable of going and not having the capacity. This internal conflict captures the cruel nature of social anxiety and autism-related sensory challenges. Even when we and I desperately want and need something to cheer about, sometimes the mental barriers win. And my social battery just doesn't stretch enough.

But there’s still meaning in sharing the struggle. Living with mental illness often means redefining expectations. It's not always about being perfect in my record of appearances at games, but in trying my best and balancing self-care with pushing my limits.

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What happens when the mental health system fails those that need it most? In this raw, unfiltered episode, I take you into the depths of my ongoing battle with a mental healthcare approach that seems more interested in medication guess-work than actual measures for recovery.

I'm currently taking seven different medications – heavy-duty pharmaceuticals that should, theoretically, be providing relief from my complex mental health conditions. Yet despite this chemical cocktail, my symptoms continue to worsen. My frustration is palpable as I recount my recent psychiatric appointment where my request to safely taper off medications under supervision was dismissed, replaced instead with simply swapping one medication for another.

The consequences of inadequate treatment have now spilled into my work life. I've been stripped of my forklift operator role – the one area where I felt most competent and found respite from my social anxiety. This loss represents the real-world impact of a mental health system that keeps failing those who need it most. And this could only be the start.

What makes this situation particularly disappointing is my willingness to try anything – even considering ECT or extended hospital admissions – just to get proper help. When someone describes themselves as "the most willing patient" who is willing to try anything, yet cannot access appropriate care despite years of advocacy, we must question how our mental health services are prioritised and delivered.

For anyone navigating complex mental health challenges or supporting someone who is, this episode offers validation that you're not alone in your struggle. The path to proper treatment shouldn't be this difficult, but together we can continue advocating for better approaches.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

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You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

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Finally the moment has arrived, my psychiatry review at James Fletcher hospital. The opportunity to state my case as to why I believe a medication taper and withdrawal is necessary and in my best interests. Also, to explain how a hospital admission I believe would be the best option for me moving forward.

Did I achieve these goals? Uhh.....not quite. But a significant change was made, whether it works or not time will tell. But that little flicker of hope is still alight and I am still in the fight!

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

After what’s felt like forever, I finally have a date locked in! I'm seeing a psychiatrist for an appointment to determine the next steps as far as my goal of tapering off all of my medications. Thank you, NSW public mental health system!

The main theme of the episode though is all about my morning. How an amazing opportunity for gratitude was driven away by my over-excited amygdala which sees threats everywhere. A beautiful drive around Newcastle on a perfect winters day, with nothing but blue skies should not be clouded by anxiety. But this is my everyday. Not easy. And I know this isn't just happening to me!

The positive is that momentum is being made as far as tapering medications is concerned, and making the system listen and help me with my goals. That hope is burning just that little bit brighter...

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You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

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In this episode, I share how the NSW mental health system has picked up my referrals and is starting to piece together a plan to help me move forward. It’s a big relief — and a hint of hope on the horizon — but of course it’s also tangled up with my daily battle against anxiety.

So much of this process relies on me: on finding the social capacity to answer or make phone calls, to push through the fear that is always there, and to keep these critical conversations and opportunities alive. I’ve missed a few calls along the way (hey, its been hard, ok?), but I’ve also managed to pick up the phone when it really counts and talk openly about my struggles. That alone feels like a small victory — a moment of courage that helps keep the wheels turning and reminds me that, even with all this anxiety, I’m still moving forward. The war within rages on, but now I might be bolstered by a very powerful ally. Maybe....hopefully.....

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

** Content warning: This episode discusses suicide, suicidal ideation, and severe mental health crises. Please take care while listening.

In this episode of The Dysregulated Podcast, I unpack my latest therapy session — one that left both my psychologist and I scrambling to try and understand thoughts and feelings that were much more serious than ever before. The stakes couldn't be higher; this was very much a life-or-death scenario.

These looping dark thoughts come from deep within my psyche, much deeper than the usual storm of emotion-fuelled suicidal ideation. This time, it was cold, logical, calculated… and that makes it so much harder to fight. For the first time, I had a clear plan. It felt less like an impulse and more like a grim conclusion my rational mind had come to — and that’s terrifying.

After opening up fully, my psychologist had no choice but to call the NSW mental health line right there in the room. It was confronting but also reassuring to have her there advocating for me. That call has now led to a referral to the Newcastle Community Mental Health Team, with hopes they can triage me properly and maybe even secure an extended inpatient stay to finally sort out these meds.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!

Send Me a Message!

In this episode of My Therapy Reflections, I explore my latest psychology session, which admittedly wasn’t particularly productive. With my mind in overdrive from lack of sleep, stimulant dependency, and sheer frustration at life, I spent most of the session ranting—about how I’m not getting the help I need, how my life feels worthless, how all the suffering and sacrifice hasn’t led to the happiness I thought it would.

I leaned hard into that old belief that there are winners and losers in this world—and I’m firmly in the loser camp, destined for disappointment. My negative loops were too strong to break, so my therapist could really only listen.

But even so, these sessions matter. They give my therapist a fuller picture of what I’m up against. And while we didn’t work through much trauma or with my parts this time, just showing up meant everything—especially since I had to crank myself right up to get there.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

Support the show

You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters, and the show on Facebook!