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Have you ever hidden behind someone else’s chaos to avoid facing your struggles? When one person in a family becomes labeled as "the problem," does it make it easier for everyone else’s issues to fly under the radar?
In episode 238 of Sober Vibes, I welcome Tom Farley to the show, and we talk about family addiction, grief, and Tom's recovery. Tom knows these family dynamics firsthand. As the brother of comedy legend, Tom spent years watching his sibling’s very public battle with addiction while downplaying his relationship with alcohol.
After Chris’s devastating overdose, Tom poured his grief into advocacy, often speaking about his brother’s addiction. But behind the scenes, he was still comparing himself to others whose addictions looked worse, convincing himself he didn’t have “a real problem.”
It wasn’t until he surrendered seven years ago that Tom realized recovery is about so much more than abstinence. As he puts it, “I just needed the clarity that sobriety gave me so I could work on all these things.” Those “things” included finding his authentic self after decades of being known only as “Chris Farley’s brother.”
Tom is a passionate advocate for mental health and addiction
treatment. He works at Recovery.com, connecting people with the resources they need to heal. As a speaker and author, he shares his journey to break stigma, inspire hope, and foster connection.
This amazing conversation explores how family roles, comparison, and grief can both hinder and, ultimately, shape our paths to recovery.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Growing up in a large Irish Wisconsin family where drinking was normalized
- How his brothers' visible struggle made it easy for Tom to minimize his drinking
- Tom’s multiple sobriety attempts, including five years before relapse
- The turning point that led him to lasting recovery nearly seven years ago
- How he learned to separate the “addictive Chris” from the brother he loved
- Why vulnerability is essential in building genuine connections in sobriety
- Tom’s journey to finding his authentic self and his purpose in recovery advocacy
Connect with Tom:
Recovery.com
Podcast
Tom's Book
Resources Mentioned:
Sober 1:1 Coaching
The Sobriety Circle
The After-Emotional Sobriety Guide
PODCAST SPONSOR:
This episode is sponsored by Soberlink, a trusted accountability tool for anyone navigating early recovery. Whether you're rebuilding trust with loved ones or want more structure in your sobriety, Soberlink offers a discreet and empowering way to stay on track.
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Connect w/ Courtney:
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Apply for 1:1 Coaching
Order the Sober Vibes Book
Sep 5 202520 mins