You want to protect your kids from the pain. But you also don't want to lie to them. So do you tell them about the affair?

Whether you stayed together or split, whether your kids are minors or adults, this question comes up.

There is no one right answer.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores the complexity and nuance of deciding whether to tell your kids about infidelity.

Find out how to think it through.

In this episode:

• The tension between protection and honesty—both instincts make sense

• Privacy vs. secrecy: one protects, the other hides what affects everyone

• Where your kids are at: their age, capacity, and whether they can (or want to) hold this truth

• Why this decision shouldn't be made alone if the relationship survived

This one's messy. There are layers. But that's what makes it worth talking about.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Last week, we discussed the penis owners' scorecard. This week, we’re talking about vulva owners who perform pleasure.

Moans that are a little too extra. Making that “feel good” face to make them feel good. And putting on a show, even when the sex is mediocre at best.

Sounds like generosity, but smells like performance.

In this episode, Stacey explores:

• Why managing someone else's feelings is actually manipulation

• How faking it cheats your partner out of a chance to get better (sex is a skill, not instinct)

• The hidden cost: they think they know you, but they don't—they only know the role you're playing

• What happens when nobody gets to see what's actually real for you

This one's for vulva owners and anyone carrying feminine energy. But if you've ever performed to keep the peace? It's for you too.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

If we had a nickel for every time someone with a penis said, "My partner's pleasure is the most important thing to me," we'd all be rich.

Sounds noble. But most of the time, they mean: "I need them to get off so I can feel like I'm good in bed."

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey breaks down the difference between generosity as performance vs. presence. Making your partner's orgasm is your scorecard effs up the experience.

In this episode:

• Why "Did you come?" is often about anxiety, not attention

• How ego-driven performance kills presence (and pleasure)

• The difference between "I need you to feel good" and "I want to be with you while you feel whatever you feel"

• What happens when both people are managing feelings instead of actually feeling

This one's direct. And yes, we're mostly talking about people with penises. But it's really about anyone who's turned sex into a performance to avoid feeling like a bad lay.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

She's the one who remembers birthdays and keeps the group text alive. He's the guy who handles the money and fixes what's broken.

They look like opposite types, but they suffer the same affliction: performance instead of presence.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey digs into how the roles we play (think: the selfless woman or the endlessly capable man) keep us hidden.

These archetypes don’t just show up in our daily lives. They follow us into the bedroom. And when your personality becomes a performance, intimacy flatlines.

In this conversation, we explore:

• How high-functioning roles kill real intimacy

• Why performing desire (or satisfaction) makes things worse

• What it actually takes to feel seen, known, and wanted

• One question that could shift everything

Next week: Are you really serving your partner's pleasure? Or just your ego? It's gonna be spicy.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind

A lot shifts after 40. Your tolerance for pretending disappears. That bottomless energy you used to have? Poof… gone. Suddenly, you’re saying no to things that used to be an automatic yes (including sex).

It’s not selfishness. It’s honesty.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores how to step into main character energy without shutting people out or burning everything down to the studs. Because showing up as your whole self gives intimacy a fighting chance.

In this episode:

• Why fakeness feels intolerable after 40

• How to say no to what you don’t want while leaning into what you do

• Why “what’s genuinely best for me is ultimately best for us”

• The magnetic pull of authenticity

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind

This is the inaugural episode of Sex IRL, a brand-new podcast from Stacey Herrera. If you’ve been listening to Love Is…, you’ll notice the shift. Stacey explains why she’s pivoting toward the topic she circles back to most: sex.

But this isn’t a show about techniques or tips—you can Google that.

Sex IRL is about the messy, funny, deeply human ways we reach for each other, and all the fears, silences, and cracked knees that come with it.

In this short intro, Stacey shares why sex is the entry point to bigger conversations about intimacy, connection, and what gets in the way.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

Attraction isn’t static. Even in the healthiest relationships, it ebbs and flows. But what do you do when the spark is flickering and everything your partner does gets on your last nerve?

This is the first episode of the Grown Ass Woman Summer series. And Stacey is digging into a question that midlife women often ask: “What if I’m turned off by my partner?”

In this conversation, Stacey gets real about what it means to feel disconnected from someone you still love. (Psst… it’s not always about sex.) She explores how irritability can mask deeper emotions and what to ask yourself when you’re unsure if you’re in a funk or getting lost.

In this episode:

• What shifting attraction says about connection

• How resentment can sneak in and snuff out empathy

• 3 powerful check-in questions to help you reflect and recalibrate.

✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Drop a note in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review. Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

There is a lot of talk about feeling emotionally safe. But sometimes what we’re calling unsafe is just new, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable.

In this episode, Stacey explores the difference between actual harm and healthy discomfort. And why growth rarely happens when we feel at ease. She unpacks what emotional safety really means, how it’s often used as a shield, and why some of the most powerful transformations happen when we feel unsure.

If you’ve ever said, “I’m not ready” or “I don’t feel safe,” this one is for you.

In this episode:

•  The difference between actual harm and healthy discomfort.

•  Why evolution doesn't happen in your comfort zone.

•  How waiting to feel safe might keep you stuck.

• The #1 question to ask yourself when fear knocks

To commemorate the 40th episode, get Stacey’s flagship communication course, ar·tic·u·late for $29 (normally $99).

ar·tic·u·late is designed to help you speak clearly, listen generously, and handle hard conversations with ease.

Save $70 bucks when you use code FORTY at checkout: staceyherrera.com/articulate

✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Drop a note in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review. Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review