You want to protect your kids from the pain. But you also don't want to lie to them. So do you tell them about the affair?

Whether you stayed together or split, whether your kids are minors or adults, this question comes up.

There is no one right answer.

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores the complexity and nuance of deciding whether to tell your kids about infidelity.

Find out how to think it through.

In this episode:

• The tension between protection and honesty—both instincts make sense

• Privacy vs. secrecy: one protects, the other hides what affects everyone

• Where your kids are at: their age, capacity, and whether they can (or want to) hold this truth

• Why this decision shouldn't be made alone if the relationship survived

This one's messy. There are layers. But that's what makes it worth talking about.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Last week, we discussed the penis owners' scorecard. This week, we’re talking about vulva owners who perform pleasure.

Moans that are a little too extra. Making that “feel good” face to make them feel good. And putting on a show, even when the sex is mediocre at best.

Sounds like generosity, but smells like performance.

In this episode, Stacey explores:

• Why managing someone else's feelings is actually manipulation

• How faking it cheats your partner out of a chance to get better (sex is a skill, not instinct)

• The hidden cost: they think they know you, but they don't—they only know the role you're playing

• What happens when nobody gets to see what's actually real for you

This one's for vulva owners and anyone carrying feminine energy. But if you've ever performed to keep the peace? It's for you too.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

If we had a nickel for every time someone with a penis said, "My partner's pleasure is the most important thing to me," we'd all be rich.

Sounds noble. But most of the time, they mean: "I need them to get off so I can feel like I'm good in bed."

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey breaks down the difference between generosity as performance vs. presence. Making your partner's orgasm is your scorecard effs up the experience.

In this episode:

• Why "Did you come?" is often about anxiety, not attention

• How ego-driven performance kills presence (and pleasure)

• The difference between "I need you to feel good" and "I want to be with you while you feel whatever you feel"

• What happens when both people are managing feelings instead of actually feeling

This one's direct. And yes, we're mostly talking about people with penises. But it's really about anyone who's turned sex into a performance to avoid feeling like a bad lay.

📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections

💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/

📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having “the talk” without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind
https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/