Showing results by author "Rick Gualtieri" in All Categories

My name's Mike Walden and I’m a trash collector from rural Pennsylvania. I have a good job, friends, and a family I adore. There’s just one small problem. I’m a werewolf with a split personality. Winston, as I call my inner wolf, is not only awake and aware, he’s somehow in control of half my body. Worse, this hound from Hell’s got an appetite for household pets and zero regard for human life. He’s dead set on being top dog in this relationship and it’s all I can do to keep this savage beast at bay.

Get ready to scream with laughter with the Bill of the Dead Saga - books 9-12 of the hilarious Tome of Bill Series – over 40 hours of horror comedy.

Imagine going to bed with mousy brown locks and waking up with a headful of supernova scarlet. It's a hot new look for me - literally, because it bursts into flames whenever I'm threatened. My magical makeover is all Gary's fault. I knew there was something off from the moment he transferred to my school. Go figure. He's a wizard with a trust fund and an inferiority complex. Now, thanks to him, I've graduated from high school bullies to supernatural terrors and that's not all. Fate has chosen me to face the legendary vampire destined to destroy the world.

My name is Tamara Bentley, "Bent" to my friends, and I'm not supposed to exist. I was born of the forbidden union between a witch and a werewolf, and they've been trying their damnedest to hide my existence ever since. But now my secret is out, and my uncle, the leader of the wolf pack, is pissed beyond belief. In his eyes, I'm something that should've never been born. He wants me dead and doesn't care who he has to sacrifice to get the job done.

My name's Tamara Bentley, and I should be happy to be heading home for the holidays. Too bad tensions between the supernatural forces surrounding my hometown are at an all-time high - witches and werewolves, ancient enemies who would happily slaughter each other. One side fears me, the other doesn't know I exist, and I aim to keep it that way, lest they both decide to find common ground in killing me.

My name's Tamara Bentley and lately everything I touch turns to crap. My best friend is missing, I was forced to kill my favorite aunt...oh, and my parents have been kidnapped by the queen of the fairies. It's enough to give a person a complex. There's no time to drown my sorrows, though. I've got two warring factions to contend with. Neither the witches nor the werewolves like me, much less respect me, but somehow I need to rally them to my cause if I'm to have any chance of rescuing my parents.

My name’s Bill Ryder and I’m having a hell of a week. Magic is back, my new roommate is a blob of yellow snot, and my friend Sally has been entombed alive in solid rock. Oh, and I’m dead again, or undead anyway. Life’s not quite finished taking a dump on me yet, though, because now something is hunting vampires in New York City. A smarmy-ass wizard has been called in to investigate – one who’s got a closet full of skeletons and eyes for my girlfriend.

Gamer, geek, and vampire – Bill Ryder was a normal guy who's now trying to survive in a world of abnormal horrors. Despite awesome powers and a Brooklyn-sized attitude, the odds are stacked heavily against him. Bill must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient terrors threatening it – all while trying to build some semblance of a social life.

The collection begins with "The Ghost of Hooker Alley," which introduces listeners to 10-year-old Sarah and six-year-old Tommy. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, Sarah and Tommy think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley.... "The Monkey's Penis" features Chris, a teenage boy who receives a birthday gift unlike any other. In "Gary's Children," a man's quest for stress relief leads to terror, and an unexpected kidnapping takes place in "Aliens Wrecked Our Kegger."

Gamer-turned-vampire Bill Ryder would rather play D&D than take this supernatural crap seriously. Too bad the ancient horrors threatening the world don’t appreciate his attitude. Now he’s got a choice: face his destiny, or let the Earth become a living Hell along with his social life.

My name’s Tim McAvoy. I was a mid-level software manager from suburbia until the day I caught my wife with another man. I thought our divorce was the worst fate imaginable. But then I met my end at the grill of a speeding bus, only to realize I didn’t have a clue. Whisked away at the moment of my death to a dimension beyond time and space, I now find myself an unwilling contestant in a multiversal game where brutal bloodshed is considered entertainment. My only chance to get my life back is to win.

My name is Jessie Flores and I thought I was done being jerked around by witches, dryads, and gods in my quest to become a real-life superhero. Turns out they were just getting started. My father's been kidnapped, a handsome vampire with a shady past won't stop shadowing me, and my best friend's family is actively trying to kill him. Fixing all of that won't be easy, though, since I've been cursed to complete 13 divine trials, while a newb fury haunts my every step. If I fail, I'll die. If I hesitate, my friends will suffer instead.

Ed Vesser feels trapped by his life - literally. He’s being held prisoner by a would-be world conqueror. All he wants is to escape back to his fiancé, assuming she doesn’t dump his ass when she finds out he’s a vampire. Serena Taylor’s a witch with a knack for technomancy - using her magic to help deliver unreal profit margins. Too bad she’ll need to put in some overtime thanks to long-lost dryads and undead goons breathing down her neck.

Tamara Bentley thought rescuing her parents from the fairy queen would be enough—that she could go back to college and resume her life. Pity for her that reality has other plans, especially since it's on the verge of collapsing. Demonic entities are destroying the portals linking Earth to the multiverse. When the last one falls, all life as we know it will end. Sadly, with each connection severed, the supernatural beings of our world grow weaker. As their power fades, so too does their chances of stopping this cataclysm once and for all.

My name's Bill Ryder and I have no life, but not because I enjoy video games or D&D. I literally have no heartbeat thanks to the night I met Sally. She was too good to be true, a woman to die for. So I did, bleeding out with my throat torn open. Problem is, I didn't stay dead. Now I'm a vampire, surrounded by other vamps who are stronger and faster – not to mention better looking. It's enough to give a guy a complex. Worse, their leader, a douche called Night Razor, can't stand me.

My name is Sally. For over thirty years I’ve stalked the night, a slave to the vampire nation. I’ve walked among you – a wolf in sheep’s clothing – committing countless atrocities in their name. Now, on the eve of Armageddon, I’ve been offered a chance for redemption, however slim. My past has caught up to me, beckoning me back to the city of my rebirth. I’ll need to seek out those responsible for my turning and confront them once and for all. I’m outnumbered and outgunned, but they’re dead wrong if they think I’m outclassed.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, despite being a legendary predator of the night, I’m not having the best of days. My girlfriend is trapped in another dimension, my apartment’s being staked out by werewolves, and to top it all off I’m flat broke. Too bad there’s no rest for the wicked. Monstrous beasts of biblical proportions have been unleashed upon the world, leaving me with a mighty big question. How the hell is one poor-ass vampire supposed to stop something the size of a battleship?

My name’s Bill Ryder and, oddly enough, my lack of heartbeat is probably the least concerning thing in my life right now. My witch girlfriend has been marked for death by a vampire temptress who wants me for herself. With both sides spoiling for a fight, the chances of them talking out their problems over tea are slim.

My name’s Bill Ryder. Five years ago, I helped banish magic and monsters to the shadows. I thought it was over, that I was finished with all that supernatural crap. Turns out I was dead wrong.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, despite being undead, I program games for a living. That means I’m mostly content to stay at home, do my job, and not go on stupid adventures. Or at least that was the case. Now, a war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can’t be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity’s darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. That's where I come in.