Showing results by publisher "Bloomsbury Publishing Plc" in Humour

According to head Teacher Mrs Bottomley-Blunt, 4B is the worst class in the world. She says school is not about footling or fiddle-faddling or fun. It is about learning. But Stanley and Manjit didn’t literally mean to make their whole class sick with homemade biscuits. And they definitely didn’t literally mean for Manjit’s dog, Killer, to eat their teacher’s shoes or for Bruce Bingley’s rat to escape. These things just happened. You see, 4B may be the worst class in the world. But you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

According to head teacher Mrs Bottomley-Blunt, 4B is the worst class in the world. She says school is not about footling or fiddle-faddling or fun. It is about learning, and it is high time 4B tried harder to excel at it. But Stanley and Manjit didn’t literally mean to flood the toilets when they should have been monitoring the playground. And they definitely didn’t literally mean to bring a penguin home from the zoo on their school trip. These things just happened even though they had a foolproof plan to get away with them.

Armpit and X-Ray are living in Austin, Texas. It is three years since they left the confines of Camp Green Lake Detention Centre and Armpit is taking small steps to turn his life around. He is working for a landscape gardener because he is good at digging holes, he is going to school and he is enjoying his first proper romance, but is he going to be able to stay out of trouble when there is so much building up against him?

Mum's away. Dad's in charge. There's no milk. So Dad saves the day by going to buy some. Really, that's all that happens. Very boring. Yawn. There are absolutely none of the following inside: globby green aliens! Intergalactic police! Pirates! And most definitely not a time-travelling hot-air balloon piloted by the brilliant Professor Steg.

Head teacher Mrs Bottomley-Blunt thinks 4B is the worst class in the world. She says school is not about footling or fiddle-faddling or fun. It is about learning, and it is high time 4B tried harder to excel at it. But best friends Stanley and Manjit didn’t literally mean to let flying minibeasts free in the classroom. And they really didn’t literally mean to do a series of dares to become the Overlord of the Universe. These things just happened, even though they had foolproof plans to get away with it all.

Head teacher Mrs Bottomley-Blunt thinks 4B is the worst class in the world. She says school is not about footling or fiddle-faddling or fun. It is about learning and it is high time 4B tried harder to excel at it. But best friends Stanley and Manjit didn’t literally mean to get covered in newt pond water just before the class photo. And they really didn’t literally mean to cause total mayhem by trying to get fake teeth to the very best tooth fairy. These things just happened, even though they had foolproof plans to get away with it all.

Mermaids Beattie, Mimi and Zelda are enjoying a summer on land with legs when they receive a strange crabagram ordering them to return home at once. Some seriously bad mermaids are on the loose, and the girls are the only ones who can stop them. If they’re going to save the day, they’ll need answers. And a clam car. Definitely piranha-print nail polish. Possibly not the talking seahorse.  

In difficult times, what children really need is hope. This collection, packed with short stories, poems and essays from the very best children’s authors and illustrators, aims to provide just that. ​Here you'll find animal friends from insects to elephants, high-flying grandmas, a homesick sprite, the tooth fairy and even extra-terrestrial life. This audio edition has nearly 100 contributions from Frank Cottrell-Boyce, Catherine Johnson, Anthony Horowitz, Kiran Millwood Hargrave, Onjali Q. Raúf, Katherine Rundell, Jacqueline Wilson and many more.

For 13-year-old Carmichael Taylor, life is one big joke - in a good way. He just can’t understand why no one else seems to find everything as funny as he does. When Car is filmed stumbling into performing a piece of hilarious stand-up at the school talent show - targeting his family, school and friends - the footage ends up creating international infamy. But with the promise of fame and fortune comes trouble, and it’s up to Car to decide what or who he’s willing to risk to chase his comedy dream. 

Head teacher Mrs Bottomley-Blunt thinks 4B is the worst class in the world. She says school is not about footling or fiddle-faddling or fun. It is about learning and it is high time 4B tried harder to excel at it. But best friends Stanley and Manjit didn’t literally mean to swap Killer for a War of Wizard’s playing card and set him loose in school. And they really didn’t literally mean to explode fizzy foam all over the classroom and all over Mrs Bottomley-Blunt.

Meri Pebble, professional spy mermaid, has a new mission. She’s going to be a personal assistant to the Sushi Sisters (famous for their notorious appearance on reality TV programme Catwalk Prawn, and for driving around in a submarine shaped like a giant bit of sushi). Beattie, Mimi, Zelda and Steve the talking seahorse are coming along for the ride as the least convincing glam squad ever.   

In the kingdom of Frostopia, mermaids Beattie, Mimi and Zelda have come to the aid of Maritza Mist, a famous water witch who supplies magic spells to the underwater kingdoms. Two notoriously bad mermaids have escaped from Viper View prison and stolen Maritza's map that shows the locations of 12 magical objects. When brought together, these objects will create the most powerful water witch the world has ever known. Beattie, Mimi and Zelda set off to travel the underwater kingdoms to stop them. 

Mermaids Beattie, Mimi and Zelda, along with Steve the talking seahorse, are trapped aboard the spooky ship the Merry Mary, heading for the legendary (and super-stylish) Crocodile Kingdom. On land, Paris Silkensocks, ice-cream seller and gadget queen, has uncovered a plot to destroy the mermaid world. Can Paris find the mermaids in time? Can Beattie avert a Crocodile Kingdom crabtastrophe? Can seahorses get seasick? 

Long John has a whole crew of wild pirates in tow, and - for two intrepid children - he's about to transform a perfectly ordinary evening into a riotous adventure beneath a pirate moon. It's time to make some pirate stew. Marvellously silly and gloriously entertaining, this tale of pirates, flying ships, doughnut feasts and some rather magical stew is perfect for all pirates, both young and old.

Thirteen-year-old Adam has made a lot of mistakes in his life, but this has to be the biggest. Thanks to a MASSIVE fight with his little brother Callum, the mysterious and magical computer algorithm Popularis Incrementum has exploded - and accidentally transported them both to a completely different world! No, not just a different world. A different dimension: one where Adam and Callum were never born and the internet doesn't exist, and neither does any of the technology they know and love and rely on to make their epic YouTube videos!

Uncover the ridiculously funny life of teachers (and some things that have nothing to do with teachers but are still splendidly funny) according to James Campbell, comedian extraordinaire. Ever wondered what teachers do when they’re not in the classroom? Are they undercover detectives, champion roller-blade dancers or do they spend their evenings playing with their 576 cats? Whether you love or loathe your teachers, want to become one when you grow up or don't give two figs about your teacher but simply love a hilarious listen, this audiobook is for you.

Everybody dreams of becoming a superstar YouTube sensation, but for Adam – a penniless, cameraless nobody, with only one friend – it isn’t just a dream, it’s a complete and utter, never-going-to-happen-in-a-million-years, absolute impossibility! That is until he stumbles across the mysterious Popularis Incrementum website. As if by magic, Adam is thrown into a world of fame, fortune and hotels with really, really, really fancy TVs! But Adam’s luck may be running out.

From best-selling creator Debi Gliori comes an audio collection of some of her best picture books, brilliantly read by Emilia Fox. From an irresistible bedtime lullaby to an energetic cautionary tale addressing concerns about the environment to her best-selling picture book about unconditional love, there is something for every child in this stand-out collection. 

Not everything in this book is necessarily good advice, and not all of it is sensible advice. (But if you take the bad or unsensible advice and don’t follow it, then it may become useful advice in its own way.) Filled with silly rhymes, witty wordplay and thought-provoking story poems, this collection will delight children of all ages.

Connor and Ethan are bamboozled when Starville, the space station where they live, is overrun with cosmic chaos! Boys have two heads, dogs have three tails, and even aliens who normally have six arms are growing extra ones! What is going on? Can Connor and Ethan get to the bottom of this intergalactic mystery?