Why do so many of us struggle to know what we actually want? Why do we think we're doing something we like but it doesn't feel right?

In this solo episode, host Dustin explores how our desires are shaped by early experiences, social expectations, and the need for safety. Drawing from Self Determination Theory, Object Relations and Attachment Theory, and Cass’s Queer Identity Formation model, this episode unpacks the psychology behind why our motivations can feel confusing and how to move from conditioned wanting to authentic choice.

Dustin breaks down the difference between external validation and inner alignment, explores how childhood attachment patterns influence adult desire, and reflects on the lifelong process of learning to trust what feels real.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your goals, relationships, or ambitions reflect who you are or who you were taught to be, this episode will help you start listening inward with curiosity, compassion, and autonomy.

Connect with boy meets therapy:

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Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠⁠

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

In this episode, host Dustin sits down with UK therapist John Gillespie to explore the deep intersection between kink, sexuality, and mental health. Together they unpack how shame, desire, and identity shape our sexual experiences and what it means to find acceptance through therapy. John shares insights from both his clinical practice and personal experiences within kink communities, offering a rare and honest look at emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and liberation through understanding one’s desires.

Listeners will learn how therapists can create affirming spaces for clients exploring kink, why shame and secrecy often intertwine with sexual identity, and how healing begins when we integrate these parts of ourselves.

Connect with John Gillespie:

Website: Link Here

John's Book (Amazon): Link Here

Connect with boy meets therapy:

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Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

In this episode, host Dustin Oliver sits down with therapist Tyler Mafi to explore the queer search for meaning through the lens of existentialism. They unpack how identity, dating, and authenticity are shaped by societal expectations and how questioning those norms can open the door to deeper purpose and meaning-making. The conversation highlights why existentialism matters in everyday life, how queer identity and authenticity intersect, the pressures of dating and relationships, and what therapy can offer in navigating meaning and purpose.

Whether you are curious about existential philosophy, reflecting on your love life, or searching for more authenticity, this episode offers both practical takeaways and profound reflection. I would ask yourself, "What do I want things to mean?"

Connect with Tyler Mafi:

Tyler's Website: Link Here

Connect with boy meets therapy:

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

In this episode, host Dustin sits down with Sam Fogarty, LMHC, to explore the pressures gay men face when it comes to body image and the pursuit of the “ideal body.” Together, they unpack how rejection, fat phobia, and societal standards fuel shame and disordered eating within the LGBTQ+ community. Sam shares insights from his research on muscularity-oriented eating disorders and why intuitive eating can help create a healthier relationship with food and self-perception.

Dustin and Sam emphasize the importance of self-compassion, breaking cycles of comparison, and building a more affirming perspective around body image.

Whether you’ve struggled with body dissatisfaction, questioned how rejection impacts your self-worth, or want to better understand the unique challenges queer men face, this episode offers research-based insights and practical discussion.

Connect with Sam Fogarty, LMHC

Therapy Practice: Link Here

PsychologyToday: Link Here

Sam's Research: Link Here

Connect with boy meets therapy:

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠⁠⁠⁠

Episode Guide & Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Connection

04:01 Body Image in the Gay Community

06:07 Research on Body Ideals

07:52 Understanding Eating Disorders

11:09 Muscularity-Oriented Disordered Eating

15:03 Emotional Needs and Eating Disorders

17:55 Personal Experiences with Body Image

21:17 Fat Phobia and Its Impact

23:48 Reactions to Weight Loss and Acceptance

27:55 Internalized Fat Phobia

31:03 Challenging Body Image Norms

33:23 Exploring Values and Self-Perception

36:32 The Impact of Rejection on Queer Identity

39:29 Intuitive Eating and Movement

40:34 Attraction and Body Image in Queer Relationships

48:26 Healthy Relationships with Body and Self

48:55 Final Thoughts and Memorable Quotes

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. A. Jordan Wright, Director of the combined Counseling and Clinical Psychology PhD program at NYU and a leading voice in psychological testing and training future clinicians. Together, we explore how microaggressions, evolving diagnoses, and cultural competence shape queer mental health care today.

Listeners will learn how subtle microaggressions affect therapy, why diagnoses like ADHD and autism are both social constructs and powerful tools, and how cultural competence helps clinicians provide truly inclusive treatment. Dr. Wright also shares his perspective on training the next generation of therapists, making assessments more inclusive for queer clients, and using privilege to advocate for marginalized communities.

This conversation offers both practical takeaways and big-picture insight into what it means to “queer” mental health and build therapy that sees the whole person.

The Wright-Constantine Structured Cultural Interview: Link (full copy and paste link at bottom)

Tell me on Instagram or in the comments what you thought of the assessment

Dr. Wright's Faculty Profile (and publications):

Link here

Connect with boy meets therapy:

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TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠⁠⁠

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

*Full copy and past like for the WCSCI: https://steinhardt.nyu.edu/sites/default/files/2023-08/WCSCI%20FINAL-2023.pdf

This episode explores how substance use shows up in the lives of gay and queer men through history, culture, and community.

I explore the complex and often misunderstood relationship between gay men and substance use. Too often framed with stigma or silence, this topic deserves a conversation rooted in history, culture, and compassion.

I’ll take you through the role bars played as safe havens, the impact of the AIDS crisis, and the emergence of chemsex and methamphetamine in gay culture. We’ll also look at how pleasure, coping, stigma, and intergenerational differences shape substance use today.

This episode isn’t about prescribing one solution, whether sobriety, harm reduction, or responsible recreational use. Instead, it’s about opening up dialogue, reducing shame, and imagining new ways to support dignity, choice, and connection in our community.

Resources:

SAMHSA Hotline (24/7, US): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Crisis Line (US): Call or text 988

boymeetstherapy resources: click here

Connect with boy meets therapy:

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TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠⁠⁠

In this episode of boy meets therapy, host Dustin Oliver sits down with dating coach Danny to explore the unique challenges queer men face in dating. From breaking cycles of self-sabotage to navigating monogamy vs. non-monogamy, they dive into how generational trauma and cultural history shape modern relationships.

Connect with Danny

Instagram: @thecoachdannym

TikTok: @coachdannymorales

Website: www.thecoachdanny.com

Podcast: THE DEEP PENETRATION Podcast

Connect with boy meets therapy:

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠⁠⁠

Episode Guide & Chapters

0:00 - 2:00 Introduction

2:01 - 5:30 Meet Danny: The Dating Coach

5:31 - 15:00 Understanding Self-Sabotage

15:01 - 25:00 Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy

25:01 - 35:00 Generational Impact on Dating

35:01 - 45:00 Building Confidence and Authenticity

45:01 - 50:00 Rapid Fire Questions with Danny

50:01 - End Closing Thoughts and Takeaways

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

Why is it so hard for gay men to open up emotionally, especially with each other?

In this solo episode, Dustin explores the vulnerability deficit that many gay men experience and how emotional suppression shows up in friendships, dating, and queer community life. Blending clinical research with real-life examples, this episode unpacks the psychological roots of emotional avoidance, the influence of masculinity and shame, and how curated social connection can mask deep disconnection.

You'll hear about the common ways gay men protect themselves from being seen, why these patterns make sense in a world shaped by rejection, and how we can start to build relationships rooted in emotional honesty. Whether you have struggled to express your needs, avoided conflict, or felt unseen in your closest relationships, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and a path forward.

Connect with boy meets therapy:

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@boymeetstherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Website with Free Resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠boymeetstherapy.com⁠⁠⁠

Episode Guide & Chapters

00:00 Introduction

03:06 Shifting Focus to Queer Men's Issues

05:58 Exploring Vulnerability in Gay Men

09:07 Understanding Vulnerability and Safety

10:59 The Impact of Minority Stress on Emotional Expression

11:24 Understanding Emotional Armor in Gay Men

17:17 The Cost of Avoiding Vulnerability

23:30 Toxic Masculinity and Its Impact

29:26 Micro Vulnerability: A Path to Connection

35:33 The Importance of Being Seen and Vulnerable

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver