In this episode we dive into one of the most hidden struggles of healing from narcissism: why success doesn’t always feel like success. What if every new achievement, every step forward, only brings dread instead of relief? Together, we explore the deeper truth behind this paradox—the way grandiose fantasies once acted as armor against unbearable shame, fear of exposure, and early wounds of not being “enough.” Through a powerful clinical example, we uncover the heart of the narcissistic bind: the longing to be truly seen, and the terror of being exposed. This conversation gets to the core of what it really means to heal—not by chasing perfection, but by learning to live with vulnerability, complexity, and authentic selfhood.

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

Next Meeting: Tuesday September 16th at 10 a.m. EST

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In Part 2 of this conversation, we move from identifying narcissistic traits in a boss to navigating the complex relationship without losing yourself. Merry Brown raises the question so many people are afraid to ask: How do I get my narcissistic boss to meet expectations without abandoning my own boundaries and sanity? We explore the importance of mental differentiation and I unpack how narcissistic leaders often draw others into subtle “relational enactments.” If you’ve ever felt pulled in, worn down, or confused by a leader who leaves you doubting yourself, this episode offers clarity—and a way through.

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

Next Meeting: Tuesday September 16th at 10 a.m. EST

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Is My Partner a Narcissist? When You’re Blamed, Erased, or Treated Like the Enemy

In this special 100th episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on a moment from one of my new Office Hours sessions — a space where listeners bring real-life stories of complex, often painful relationship dynamics. You’ll hear a raw example from someone questioning whether their spouse is narcissistic, and I’ll walk you through my psychodynamic take: not only how to recognize the patterns at play, but also why people — sometimes without even realizing it — slip into dismissive or emotionally abusive behavior. Together, we’ll explore the enactments and defense mechanisms that fuel these destructive cycles, offering clarity, compassion, and a deeper understanding for anyone navigating the emotional confusion of a narcissistic relationship.

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

Next Meeting: Tuesday September 16th at 10 a.m. EST

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In this episode, we crack open a subtle but deeply toxic dynamic many professionals encounter: the narcissistic boss or coworker who deflects blame, rewrites reality, and leaves you questioning your own judgment.

I sit down with Merry Brown to explore what happens when someone has too little inner conflict but causes constant conflict with others. We explore how pathological denial operates in narcissistic personalities—what it protects against, how it shows up at work, and why it's so hard to confront.

This is part 1 of a larger conversation—but already, we’re peeling back layers that many people experience but don’t have the words for.

Sign up here to be notified when Office Hours launches:

https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

We’re about to hit two huge milestones — Season 3 is just weeks away, and our 100th episode celebration is right around the corner! But before we launch into brand-new topics, fresh formats, and deeper dives into narcissism, I’m bringing back the most talked-about episode of the year. Healing Narcissism: If You Want to See Change — Start Here has sparked more downloads, shares, and “aha” moments than any other, and for good reason. It’s an unflinching look at what it really takes to create lasting change — beyond ego-boosts or ego-smashing — by dismantling the defenses that keep us stuck. Whether you’re navigating tough relationship dynamics or looking inward at your own patterns, this one delivers clarity, compassion, and a true starting point. Let’s press play on the conversation that started a four part series on Narcissism!

Sign up here to be notified when Office Hours launches:

https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

In this episode, Renee and I peel back the curtain on the intense emotional battle between shame and guilt. You’ll hear about how to feel guilt without collapsing into self-hatred. Using Frank’s story, we reveal the delicate work of helping someone hold onto guilt without spiraling into destructive shame. Learn why this subtle skill is the key to true healing and emotional integration.

Sign up here to be notified when Office Hours launches:

https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Is your apology really an apology—or just a way to ease your own shame? In this episode, Renee Swanson and I dive into the hidden emotions behind guilt, rage, and “false apologies” that keep us stuck. Discover why saying sorry isn’t always enough—and what it takes to break free from shame’s trap.

Sign up here to be notified when Office Hours launches:

https://www.drmazzella.com/officehours

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com

Guilt is supposed to help us repair—but what happens when it turns into self-punishment? In this clip, Renee and I explore how guilt gets distorted, how it hides behind over-apologizing, withdrawal, or perfectionism—and how it can quietly undermine connection instead of restoring it.

To listen to the full interview check out Renee's channel here: https://bleav.com/shows/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/episodes/guilt-vs-shame-the-emotional-crossroads-that-defines-healing/

If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.

Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas together, answer your questions, and connect theory to real life experiences. Reserve your spot here

For more information about Dr. Mazzella’s psychoanalytic affiliations and membership in The International Psychoanalytic Association (IPA) -which is restricted to psychoanalysts who fulfill the most recognized international standards for psychoanalytic training- please click here

You can follow The Narcissism Decoder on:

https://www.instagram.com/thenarcissism.decoder/

https://www.tiktok.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

https://www.youtube.com/@thenarcissismdecoder

Dr. Mazzella’s personal website: drmazzella.com