What happens when the most important conversation of your life happens in the middle of a mental health relapse? In Part 1 of this powerful three-part series, I share an unfiltered conversation on trauma, healing, and resilience that might change the way you see your own story.

During my mental health relapse back in April, I sat down with Hawa Who from KeepCalm.org for a conversation that became the start of a powerful series on trauma, healing, and emotional resilience. My words weren’t as fluid, my eyes didn’t shine as brightly and I showed up anyway. What unfolded was real, raw, and deeply human.

It’s the very first time I’ve included another voice on The Lulu Essey Podcast and I couldn’t imagine a better person to share this moment with than Hawa. In Part 1, her thoughtful questions open the door to an honest conversation about the nature of trauma, how it impacts the body, and what the first steps toward healing can look like.

In Part 1, we explore:

• What trauma really is (and what it’s not)
• Why it’s less about the event & more about the impact on your nervous system
• How trauma lives in the body and how your body tells the truth, even when your mind wants to move on
• The role of safe relationships in the healing process
• Why you don’t need to “be ready” to begin healing

This is not a neat, polished conversation. It’s an honest one. Whether you’ve experienced “big T” trauma, ongoing stress, or life events that have left an imprint you can’t quite shake, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate space to explore what healing can look like.

If you’ve ever felt “broken” or wondered whether healing is even possible for you, my hope is that this conversation reminds you: you are not broken, and you are not alone. Healing is rarely linear, and sometimes the most powerful steps happen when we feel least prepared.

Share this episode. Invite people into the conversation, & into the possibility of a gentler, more resilient way forward.

Timestamps
00:00 – Introduction to Trauma & Healing
02:53 – Understanding Trauma and Its Impact
03:21 – Resilience and Emotional Fitness
03:51 – Conversation with Hawa Who — the myths, truths, and lived realities of trauma
20:51 – Closing reflections & Part 2 preview

Resources & Links

📍 KeepCalm.org — a nonprofit mental health organization providing education, community support, and practical tools to help people navigate stress, anxiety, & other challenges.
🔗 keepcalm.org

📍 Hawa Who — creative, model, author, poet, and woman in tech; Cybersecurity Analyst at the Pittsburgh Supercomputing Center under Carnegie Mellon University.
🔗 hawawho.com

#TraumaHealing #EmotionalResilience #MentalFitness #SelfLeadership #NervousSystemHealing #LuluEsseyPodcast #KeepCalm

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

Ever left a conversation feeling completely drained, like you’re carrying someone else’s sadness, stress, or anxiety, and you don’t know how it happened? If you're the one people lean on but your nervous system feels like it's always on high alert, this episode is your reset.

In this final part of our powerful Mental Fitness series, Lulu explores the art of emotional boundaries. You’ll learn why some of us absorb others’ feelings without realizing it, and how to stay deeply empathetic without losing yourself.

Backed by the research of Dr. Elaine Hatfield (emotional contagion) and Dr. Elaine Aron (Highly Sensitive Persons), you’ll hear how mirror neurons, sensitivity wiring, and nervous system regulation all play a role, and more importantly, how to protect your energy with clarity, kindness, and conscious boundaries.

🎧 Press play to stop absorbing what isn’t your and start protecting your energy with love.

🧠 What You’ll Learn

✨What emotional absorption is and how it hijacks your nervous system

✨Why emotional contagion (absorbing others’ emotions involuntarily) affects you within milliseconds, due to how our mirror neurons respond to others’ emotions

✨What it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and how 20% of people are wired this way

✨ Why emotional absorption isn't weakness: it's neurological wiring you can work with

🛡️ Why Boundaries = Love

💛Emotional absorption creates anxious presence, not genuine support
💛Clear energy separation allows authentic connection
💛Sustainable empathy requires conscious choice over automatic absorption
💛Protecting your energy enhances relationships, doesn't damage them

🛠 2 Tiny Tools for Big Impact

1. Emotional Ownership Check-In
   A guided visualization to help you distinguish your feelings from someone else’s.
2. Conscious Boundary Setting
   A boundary-setting framework that includes Kindness Shield Phrases and energetic reset practices to protect your emotional space while staying open-hearted.

💡 Powerful Quotes

“The most loving thing you can do isn’t absorbing everyone’s emotions—it’s learning to stay present without losing yourself.”
“Whose emotions are you actually feeling right now?”
“The goal isn’t to feel less—it’s to feel more clearly and choose more consciously.”

⏱ Timestamps
00:00 — Welcome + Mental Fitness series recap
04:22 — The science of emotional absorption & emotional contagion
08:17 — Personal story: "emotional sponge era"
11:39 — Tool #1: Emotional Ownership Check-In
15:00 — Tool #2: Conscious Boundary Setting
17:34 — Integration + series wrap-up

#EmotionalBoundaries #MentalFitness #HighlySensitivePerson #EmpathTools #EmotionalContagion #NervousSystemSupport #ConsciousLiving #SustainableLove

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

Ever felt like Confidence and Joy were things you had to earn—by achieving more, pleasing everyone, or performing perfectly? In this episode, I share the science that flips that myth on its head. You’ll learn why real Confidence and genuine Joy aren’t achievements—they’re natural states you access when you stop pretending and start being authentically yourself.

Backed by the neuroscience of Dr. Amy Cuddy (embodied Confidence), Dr. Brené Brown (shame resilience), and Dr. Barbara Fredrickson (positive emotions), we explore how your brain’s reward pathways create an upward spiral of Joy and Confidence when you act in alignment with your values.

🎧 Press play to activate the Confidence–Joy Feedback Loop and stop performing your way through life.

🔥 The Science Behind Confidence and Joy

✨Joy lights up your prefrontal cortex, enhancing creativity and decision-making
✨ Authenticity triggers dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—your brain’s Confidence chemicals
✨ Pretend Confidence (Yellow Zone) depletes energy; real Confidence (Green Zone) restores it
✨ Joy broadens perspective and enables confident choices

🔁 How the Confidence–Joy Loop Works

→ Acting authentically builds real Confidence
→ Confidence creates space for Joy
→ Joy reinforces self-trust—creating an upward spiral

💡 Key Quotes

“Confidence and Joy aren't achievements you earn—they’re natural states you access when you stop pretending and start being authentic.”
“Confidence is your nervous system saying: I can handle whatever comes. Pretend Confidence is trying to convince everyone you’re okay when you’re actually anxious.”

🛠 2 Tools to Activate the Confidence–Joy Feedback Loop

Tool #1: The Joy–Confidence Reflection Practice: A daily practice that helps you track authentic actions and how they affect your Confidence and Joy levels.
Tool #2: The Authenticity Compass: A nervous-system-based decision-making Tool that helps you choose aligned actions based on your Green Zone, not pretending or people-pleasing.

🎁 This Week’s Practice:
Choose one small act of authenticity each day. Track how it affects both your Confidence and your Joy. Share what you discover—I’d love to hear.

⏱️ Timestamps
00:00 — Welcome + Confidence–Joy connection
00:54 — Authenticity vs. honesty distinction
03:22 — The neuroscience behind the feedback loop
05:42 — Authentic vs. pretend Confidence
08:33 — Personal story: pretending vs. being real
11:24 — 2 practical Tools to activate the loop
16:37 — Why you don’t have to choose between Joy & Confidence

#AuthenticConfidence #JoyLoop #Neuroscience #MentalFitness #SelfWorth #AuthenticityTools #NervousSystem

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

People-pleasing isn’t just a bad habit—it’s a nervous system response rooted in ancient survival instincts. In this episode, we unpack the hidden neuroscience behind your fear of disappointing others, explore the emotional cost of Approval Addiction, and show you two powerful tools to help you build boundaries, reclaim your energy, and stop saying yes when you mean NO.

Ever said YES when every fiber of your being was screaming NO? That sick feeling in your stomach when you're about to disappoint someone is your nervous system treating potential rejection like a life-or-death threat. In this episode, we dive into the neuroscience of people pleasing and approval addiction.

Using groundbreaking research from Dr. Naomi Eisenberg at UCLA, I reveal why your brain literally treats disappointment like physical pain—and how to rewire these ancient survival patterns for modern relationships.

🎧 Press play to learn how to build the courage to disappoint and break free from approval addiction once and for all.

🔥 What People-Pleasing Really Does to Your Brain
✨ Your amygdala can't tell the difference between "my boss might be annoyed" and "there's a tiger chasing me"
✨ Social rejection activates the same pain centers as breaking a bone
✨ Mirror neurons make you literally feel other people's disappointment as your own
✨ The more empathetic you are, the stronger this response becomes

🎯 Why Approval Addiction Feels Like a Drug

🧠 Ancient wiring: Rejection from the tribe meant death for our ancestors
💔 Emotional contagion: You're experiencing their pain as your own pain
⚡ Approval addiction: Getting a literal high from making others happy, devastating crash from their disappointment

💡 Powerful Quotes

"Disappointing others is not a character flaw. It's a life skill."

"Your worth is inherent, unconditional, and completely independent of other people's approval."

🛠 2 Practical Tools to Stop People-Pleasing
Tool #1: Disappointment Tolerance Building
Tool #2: Values-Based Decision Making

🎁 This Week's Courage Practice: Choose one small, low-stakes situation to practice a micro-disappointment. Notice what happens in your nervous system. Track reality vs. fear. Remember: every time you say yes to something that doesn't align with your values, you're saying no to something that does.

⏱️ Episode Timestamps:

00:00 – Welcome + the fear of disappointing others
03:15 – Why saying yes feels safer than saying no
06:40 – The neuroscience of people-pleasing
10:18 – Mirror neurons and emotional contagion
14:00 – Why approval feels like a drug
17:32 – 2 Tools to break free from people-pleasing
20:15 – Courage Practice: Micro-disappointments

#peoplepleasing #boundaries #approval #sayingno #neuroscience #mentalfitness #disappointment #selfworth #authenticity

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

Your body often knows something’s off before your mind does. That racing heart? Tight shoulders? Stomach in knots? In this episode, we unpack the neuroscience behind those automatic reactions—and show you how to decode them.

Still dismissing your body’s signals as “overreacting” or “too sensitive”? Using Dr. Stephen Porges’ groundbreaking polyvagal theory, I break down your internal traffic light system—Green, Yellow, and Red Zones—and how they shape your mood, energy, and relationships.

🎧 Press play to learn how to stop spiraling and start working with your nervous system, not against it.

🔥 What Your Nervous System Is Really Trying to Tell You

✨ Shoulders tense before you realize you're stressed
✨ Stomach clenches mid-conversation
✨ Heart races before a presentation—even if you feel prepared
✨ These are biological survival responses, not personal failings

🎯 The Traffic Light Model (Green, Yellow, Red Zones)

🟢 Green: Calm, clear, open-hearted
🟡 Yellow: Fight/Flight—anxious, overwhelmed, hyper-alert
🔴 Red: Freeze/Shutdown—numb, withdrawn, burnt out

💡 Powerful Quotes

"These aren’t personality traits. They’re nervous system responses based on how safe or threatened you feel."

“Your nervous system is not broken. It’s responding to your environment, your stress levels, your past experiences, and your current capacity.”

“You’re not forcing yourself to calm down or pushing through when your system is saying it needs something different.”

🛠 2 Simple Tools to Work with Your Nervous System

• Window of Tolerance Mapping: A daily self-check-in
• Nervous System State Check-In: A Body–Mind–Heart awareness practice

🎁 This Week’s Invitation: Just notice what zone you're in throughout the day—no fixing, no forcing. The more skilled you become at recognizing your state, the better you can regulate your emotions, respond from your values, and stop being at the mercy of your triggers.

Next Week: The Courage to Disappoint—how fear of letting others down keeps us stuck in survival states.

💛 Share this episode with someone who needs to hear: You’re not broken—you’re beautifully wired for survival, and you can learn to feel safe again.

#neuroscience #nervoussystem #mentalfitness #emotionalregulation #polyvagaltheory #selfawareness

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

You don't need anyone's approval to rest, say no, or want what you want. This episode reveals the 5 permission slips you've been waiting for—and why the only signature that matters is yours.

Still waiting for someone to give you the green light to rest, say no, or want something different? This final Summer Superfood episode explores Self-Permission—the most powerful ingredient for mental fitness and authentic living.
🎧 Press play to learn how to reclaim your inner authority and stop outsourcing your life.

🔥 Why You're Still Seeking Permission Slips

✨ We've learned approval equals safety
✨ Fear of being called selfish (especially women)
✨ Confusing people-pleasing with kindness
✨ Terrified of judgment and criticism

🎯 The 5 Permission Slips You Need to Write Yourself

1. Permission to Rest Without Earning It - Rest isn't reward for productivity; it's a basic human need
2. Permission to Say NO Without Explanation - "NO" is a complete sentence
3. Permission to Change Your Mind - Growth means wanting different things
4. Permission to Disappoint People - You weren't put here to meet everyone's expectations
5. Permission to Want What You Want - Your desires don't need committee approval

💡 Powerful Quotes

• "Chronic people-pleasing isn't kindness—it's self-abandonment masquerading as virtue"
• "The permission you've been waiting for isn't coming from outside you, it's coming from within"
• "You don't need anyone else's approval to live according to your own values"

🛠 4-Step Process to Become Your Own Permission Slip Writer

1. Identify what you're waiting for permission to do/say/want
2. Write it down - "I give myself permission to..."
3. Sign your signature - the only one that matters
4. Honor it - practice trusting your own authority

Invitation: Write yourself ONE specific permission slip this week. Sign it. Honor it.

⏱️ Episode Timestamps

00:01 - Permission slips from childhood vs adult life
02:25 - The 5 permission slips most people need
08:46 - Why we're still seeking external validation
12:05 - 4-step process to write your own permission
15:51 - Your summer invitation to self-permission

💛 Share this episode with someone who needs permission to give themselves permission. Together we create ripples of authentic living.

#mentalfitness #selfleadership #permissiontosayno #peoplepleasing #authenticliving

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

Your gut’s not overreacting—it’s predicting. Discover your body’s 4 secret superpowers (plus the science that makes it real).

Your body is basically a walking, talking supercomputer and it's been trying to send you messages this entire time. Most of us? We've been ignoring the hell out of it.

We treat our bodies like inconvenient vehicles we're stuck with, something to manage or fix. But here's the reframe: Your body isn't just carrying you around. It's constantly gathering intelligence, processing information, and trying to guide you toward what's best for you. The messages it’s sending aren’t weakness—they’re wisdom.
This week’s Summer Superfood is Body Wisdom—and it’s not woo-woo, it’s neuroscience.

In this episode, I break down the 4 hidden superpowers your body already has… and the tiny tools to help you use them.

🎧 Tap play to learn how to decode your body’s signals, trust your gut, and reconnect with the wisest guide you have—yourself.

🔥 Discover Your Body's 4 Hidden Superpowers:
✨ The Bullsh*t Detector – Your gut can spot fake people, toxic situations & bad decisions before your brain catches up
✨ The Energy Reader – Read room energy faster than you can analyze it (hello, mirror neurons)
✨ The Stress Early Warning System – Tight shoulders, clenched jaw? Your body’s screaming “pay attention”
✨ The Need Translator – Constantly telling you what you need: rest, movement, nourishment, connection

🧠 The Science That'll Blow Your Mind:

• Your gut has more nerve endings than your spinal cord. It’s your enteric nervous system, aka your “second brain”
• Mirror neurons fire in milliseconds, reading emotional energy before conscious thought kicks in

🎯 4 Activation Techniques to Reconnect:

1. Body scan check-in – 30 seconds, head to toe, twice daily
2. Gut feeling audit – Ask your body before making decisions
3. Energy inventory – Track who/what drains vs energizes you
4. Movement medicine – Let your body choose what movement it needs

🔥 Quotes That Hit Different:

• Your body isn't being needy—it’s being informative
• Those signals you’ve been ignoring? They’re not weakness. They’re wisdom
• The more you listen to your body’s intelligence, the stronger these superpowers become

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS
00:00 — Your Body’s Been Talking (You Just Haven’t Been Listening)
01:27 — Why We Ignore Our Body’s Signals
03:08 — Gut Feelings & Your Second Brain
04:35 — Emotional Energy & Mirror Neurons
05:32 — Stress Warnings & Somatic Clues
07:00 — What Your Body Really Needs (And Why You Ignore It)
10:46 — Why We Were Trained to Dismiss Our Bodies
12:15 — 4 Tiny Tools to Reconnect With Body Wisdom
16:04 — Build the Muscle of Listening (Before the Signals Get Louder)

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!

Feeling burnt out, joyless, or stuck in the productivity loop? In this bite-sized episode, discover how to reclaim your joy—without quitting your job, escaping to Bali, or fixing everything in your life.

Welcome to Joy Thievery: the second instalment of the Summer Superfood Series, where we expose the four hidden thieves stealing your happiness—and teach you how to steal it back.

Meet the joy thieves: your productivity-obsessed brain, The Comparison Cartel operating through social media, The Guilt Gang convincing you happiness is selfish, and The Perfectionist Mob that confiscates joy unless everything's flawless.

They've convinced you that joy must be earned through perfect circumstances. But here's the truth: Joy isn't the reward for getting your life perfect—it's what makes an imperfect life worth living.

This week's superfood? Joy Reclamation—the art of stealing back what was always yours.

Learn how to reclaim joy—even when you're overwhelmed, stressed, or stuck in comparison.

🎯 What You’ll Learn in This Episode (About Joy, Comparison & the Perfection Trap)
✨ The 4 joy thieves sabotaging your happiness (and how to identify them)
✨ Why joy and stress can coexist—you don't need to fix everything to feel good
✨ The micro-joy heist technique—finding goldmines in ordinary moments
✨ Memory bank robbery—actively stealing joy from your past experiences
✨ Future joy heists—small things to anticipate that bring happiness today
✨ The gratitude heist—feeling goodness instead of just thinking it
✨ Joy vs. happiness—understanding the crucial difference

💎 Quotes That Hit Different
"Joy isn't denial—it's defiance. It's your soul saying 'Despite everything that's hard, I still choose to find beauty here.'"

"Joy is like a muscle—use it or lose it."

"Your joy isn't missing—it's just buried under should-dos, have-tos, and the exhausting belief that joy must be earned."

⏰ Chapters
00:00 — What is Joy Thievery? Why You Might Be Missing Joy (and Not Know It)

02:30 — Meet the Joy Thieves: Productivity, Comparison, Guilt & Perfectionism

06:55 — Redefining Joy: It’s Not What You Think

08:22 — The Joy Heist Toolkit: 4 Tiny Techniques to Steal It Back

12:13 — The Joy Thief Manifesto + Your One Assignment This Week

✨Your Joy Thief Assignment Become a serial joy thief this week. Steal one moment of delight daily—not for social media, just for your heart.
Share this episode with someone who needs to feel joy again. And if it landed with you—consider rating or reviewing the podcast. It helps others find these episodes too.
#MentalFitness #JoyReclamation #TinyTools #SelfLeadership #SummerSuperfoodSeries #PodcastForWomen #PersonalGrowth

Next week's superfood? Your Body's Secret Superpowers—time to start listening.

Until next time, Beautiful Souls...

Stay connected and keep growing with me:

✨ Instagram: @lulu.essey – Join the conversation and get daily insights!
✨ YouTube: Lulu Essey – Watch exclusive content, deep dives, and video podcasts. Need a quick boost? Check out my YouTube Shorts—powerful insights in under a minute!
✨ Website: luluessey.com
✨ Free Guide: Break Free from the Success Trap– Download my free guide

💛 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube and please SHARE this episode!

THANK YOU for being here. Sending you grace and love!