Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

Have you ever experienced an emotional crisis? Where you were flooded by a storm of difficult thoughts and feelings. What did you do?

A crisis can present in many different forms, from the death of a loved one, to loss of a job, to collapse of a marriage, to financial disaster.

When you’re hit by a crisis, an emotional storm is likely to whip through your mind and body, tossing painful feelings and thoughts in all directions.

What you should do when you find yourself experiencing an emotional crisis? What can you do to not only survive, but to thrive? It’ll be handy to have these techniques in your back pocket so you can use them whenever needed.

• If we want to act effectively then we can’t allow that storm to carry us away. The first thing we need to do is “drop anchor.”
• Consider practicing the “Grounding Breath”
• The next step is to take note. Take a moment to scan your body and notice what you’re feeling. Find the most painful feeling, observe it, breathe into it, expand around it, and allow it to be.
• After that, take a step back and notice all the thoughts whirring around in your head. See if you can “name the story.” Give a name to the story your mind is trying to tell you. For example, “Here’s the ‘I can’t cope’ story.”
• The last step is to pursue your values.
• To remember what to do in an emotional crisis remember the word STOP
• • Slow your breathing
  • Take note
  • Open up
  • Pursue your values

To help keep this near you, to have this knowledge wherever you go, so you don’t have to worry about remembering, I’ve created a wallet size printable 4 Steps to Survive an Emotional Crisis handout for you.

Click here to download it now.

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

In this episode what I’ve decided to do is answer a couple of questions from listeners.

Question #1 from Jacqueline: ““I’m confused about what you call acceptance. Are you saying we should just live with the pain, to tolerate it? I don’t understand how that would be helpful.”

Question #2 from Kevin: “How do I know if something is really, truly holding me back? I’m trying to figure out what things are stopping me from being more confident and some of the things I’m coming up with I don’t know if it’s actually true or if I just think it’s true? Do you know what I mean? I appreciate any help you can give me.”

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

In this episode you’re going to discover a technique, that when used optimally, can actually help you create your own reality. Everyone who has achieved great success in life has used this power consciously or unconsciously.

What is this simple technique?

Have a listen to the episode to find out…

Key Points

• Our mind brings up stories all the time and we have the choice whether to fuse with them, to get entangled by these stories or not.
• Visualization is a way to take control over the story.
• Brain scans show that visualization activates those parts in our brain responsible for carrying out actions.
• It’s not necessary to know how to get there. You just need to be able to see and feel that desired outcome, that goal for yourself.
• The key difference between what I’m talking about here and what a lot of people do when visualizing is what I mean by “successfully programming” this into your subconscious … is that you see and feel it as already having happened. That’s it’s a done deal.
• Visualization helps you find the information and means to carry out the necessary actions. You still need to take action. What you need to do and how to do it will become clear because of visualizing, but you still need to act.
• Begin with the end in mind.
• Here’s a general outline or step by step process (for those of you that like that kind of thing) that might be helpful to start with:
• • Get clear on your intention.
  • Eliminate distractions.
  • Experience your intention or endpoint as already having been manifested into reality.
  • 
    

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

In this episode you’re going to discover why self-esteem is overrated. Yes, I said OVER-rated. I know a lot of self-help books and programs out there are all about boosting your self-esteem.

Well, I’m going to tell why those don’t work and why you don’t need to waste your money on them.

Key Points

• Most people can relate to the core belief of “I’m not good enough as I am. There is something wrong with me or lacking in me.”
• No matter how hard we try or how much we achieve, our thinking self can always find something to dislike, some way in which we are lacking, deficient, not good enough.
• What exactly is self-esteem? An opinion you hold about yourself.
• Here’s the reason why self-esteem is overrated: self-esteem is not a fact; it’s just an opinion.
• It’s nothing more than a highly subjective judgement.
• For most people, including myself, the more positive the thought, the more resistance there is … thoughts like “Yeah, right!” “Who are you kidding?” “Maybe in your dreams” automatically pop up.
• The reality is you can find an infinite number of good and bad stories to tell about yourself and as long as you’re invested in self-esteem you’re going to waste a lot of time in this chess game, fighting an endless battle against your own limitless supply of negative thoughts.
• What if you completely let go of judging yourself as a person? What would life be like if you were to let go of self-esteem altogether?
• The good news is that leading a rich, full and meaningful life does not depend upon self-esteem at all.

You can download the transcript of this episode by clicking here.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

In this podcast episode I answer a question that I get a lot from fellow podcast listeners and my Calm Living clients … Should I take anxiety medication?

Key Points Re: Anxiety Medication

• Each individual’s situation is different
• Re-frame the question from “Should I take anxiety medication?” to “What do I want to get from taking medication?” “What am I looking to achieve?”
• What is the therapeutic effect you are seeking?

You can download a copy of this episode’s transcript by clicking here.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

In my opinion this is the most important step of the Calm Living Blueprint, of setting yourself free from fear, free from your struggles with anxiety.

• Values alone aren’t enough. Our journey begins only when we start taking action.
• When we move forward guided by our values, we feel a sense of meaning and purpose, even in the face of major challenges.
• Even if we think a goal is impossible we can still keep moving towards it. You don’t have to believe that you’ll achieve it. You just need to take action.
• Every little step counts. Each and every step is an important part of the journey.
• Oftentimes, moving in a meaningful direction will give rise to uncomfortable feelings – fear, self-doubt, anxiety. Therefore, we better learn to make room for those painful feelings if we want to achieve our goals.
• We can’t stop the difficult thoughts and feelings from popping up, but we can stop investing our energy in struggling with them and instead focus on the task at hand.
• Commitment doesn’t mean you never give up or never go off track. Commitment means that when you do give up you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on track again.
• The actions of social confidence come first. The feelings of social confidence come later.

You can download a copy of this episode’s transcript by clicking here.

If you chose option 2, it’s time to get moving …

Take a moment to clarify your next step and then take action. Take the action you commit to.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

So up to this point we’ve been placing a lot of our focus on the painful feelings you struggle with and the painful thoughts you get entangled by … basically, all the things that you don’t want. But we haven’t yet focused on what you do want – what sort of person you want to be, what sort of relationships you want to build, what you want to do with your life to make it richer, fuller, and more meaningful.

So let’s get clear about what you really want.

What are you here for? What makes your life worth living? It’s amazing how many people never consider those questions, just going through life following the same routine, day after day.

The whole point of what we’re doing here is, sure, to help you overcome social anxiety … but at a deeper level it’s about helping you to live a rich, full and meaningful life.

The reality is that you don’t just want to overcome social anxiety. You want to be able to live the life you want to live – make new friends, date, get a new job – whatever that is for you.

Here’s how to gain some clarity…

• Knowing what matters is about identifying your values and living your life guided by those values.
• Values are our heart’s deepest desires: how we want to be, what we want to stand for, and how we want to relate to the world around us.
• Values are like a compass. A compass gives you direction and keeps you on track when you’re traveling. And our values do the same for the journey of life. We use them to choose the direction in which we want to move and to keep us on track as we go.
• Values are far more empowering than goals because they’re always available to us. In any moment you have the choice to act on your values or not.
• Values are here and now (goals are in the future).
• Values never need to be justified.
• Values often need to be prioritized.
• Values are best held lightly.
• Values are freely chosen.

You can download a copy of this episode’s transcript by clicking here.

I encourage you to download and complete the Life Values Questionnaire.

Connect with Candice → ⁠https://candiceesposito.com/⁠

In this episode we are going to swerve back to discussing one of the steps of the Calm Living Blueprint, the blueprint to overcoming social anxiety.

Pure awareness. A powerful aspect of the mind that has largely been ignored by western psychology. And as you get to know this part of yourself you will further transform your relationship with difficult thoughts and feelings of anxiety and fear.

• One of the things that’s important to recognize is that there are two very distinct parts of the mind. There’s the part that we’re all very familiar with – the part that thinks, imagines, remembers, analyzes, plans, fantasizes and so on – the “thinking self.”
• And the other part of your mind that doesn’t think, can’t think – it just notices. It notices whatever you’re thinking and feeling and doing and seeing and hearing and tasting and so on – the “observing self.”
• As your thinking self thinks about your experience, your observing self registers your experience directly.
• The observing self:
• Pure awareness is about connecting with that part of you that is separate from your thoughts and feelings and that provides a safe and constant viewpoint from which to observe and accept them.
• It’s this place where, no matter how great the pain is, it cannot harm you. Knowing that, experiencing that can help you stop running from your pain.

You can download a copy of this episode’s transcript by clicking here.

Download the action worksheet here.

Grab an index card or a small piece of paper. On one side of the card write out 3 negative self-judgements that you have. “I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I can’t talk well.” Whatever those are for you.

Then on the other side of the card write out 3 positive self-judgements. “I’m a good person, I’m kind.” Again, whatever applies to you.

I want you to carry the card around in your purse or a bag for the next week. Pull it out several times a day, read both sides, then put it back in your purse or bag again.

That’s it. That’s all I’m going to tell you. Let me know what noticed, what you observed from this exercise by leaving me a comment on iTunes. And we’ll follow up with this in the next episode.