This episode is a must for anyone diving into or interested in dipping a toe into the world of BDSM. We cover everything from basic definitions: what is BDSM? How is it different from kink? What are the differences among Dom(mme)/Sub play, Sadomasochism, and Bondage and Discipline? How do you find a local scene or partners? What are some things to watch out for? What are some of the best things about BDSM and what kind of freedom might you find in that type of sexual play?

I'm joined by Femme Domme and fellow coach Thistle AKA Coach Rose. You can find her at: https://www.thistleandrosecoaching.com/ or on Fetlife under Coach Thistle.

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

This episode helps couples troubleshoot problems around initiating sexy time. In it, I guide you through how to talk over two of the most important topics for you and your partner to cover:

1) How are we dividing up initiation and do we both like the split? If not, what kind of split might feel better to each of us and why?

2) Are the initiation styles we've been using working as well as they can for both of us? How can we improve them?

We'll cover some styles of initiation that can fall flat and why, plus other common pitfalls. I'll also help you distinguish between initiation problems and other sexual challenges in relationships. As always, this episode will emphasize the need to ensure ongoing consent, pleasure, and enthusiasm from each partner, rather than assuming that "initiation" means some sort of foregone conclusion.

Join me and discover how to troubleshoot your own challenges around initiation today.

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

If you regularly feel ashamed, defensive, less worthy than others, or underconfident -- that's your inner critic at work. You may not realize that an inner critic gone wild isn't just harming you, it's harming your relationships and sex life.

All of us can be mean to ourselves occasionally, but when it's a regular pattern it makes us feel awful, kills our mojo, and undermines our relationships. If you have that pattern, you probably learned it long ago and have been doing it for years. But you don't have to keep the habit.

This episode unpacks the difference between self-indulgence and true self-compassion. It will show you how to know which you're doing, and how to shift into self-compassion when you most need it.

Stopping the habit of allowing that inner critic to run rampant is a gift to yourself, your loved ones, and super important for great sex and relationships. So join me and get started today.

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

This episode covers the 3 main arousal styles. Only one is commonly depicted in media, but all are very normal and very common in reality. Most people have one dominant and possibly a secondary. Knowing your arousal style is part of discovering the manual to your own turn-ons and very helpful for communicating with your partner about what you like.

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

It can be hard to know what to do when you're partnered with someone who is starting to heal from sexual trauma. They may be pulling away sexually. You may be feeling rejected, resentful, and/or disappointed. You may want to support them, but not know how.

Today we’re going to cover the key things you can do to support your partner’s healing and your intimacy together. Four things are oriented specifically towards how you interact with your partner and four are oriented towards supporting yourself.

Join me and let's help you both stay connected and get to the other side.

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

This is a special one. It's both vulnerable and also really satisfying. I’m sharing my story of the 8 key processes that helped me heal from dissociation and PTSD that I accrued from various traumas, including sexual assault, child abuse, homelessness, bullying and harassment.

It's never the same path for everyone, but I hope that this episode will inspire you to try out some of these approaches or understand better how to support loved ones. If you are feeling stuck, have genital numbness, feel disconnected from your body and/or your sexuality, are dissociated, depressed/anxious, or lost in people-pleasing (fawning) in your life, sexuality, and relationships -- this is for you.

I'm sharing the 8 critical steps that helped me heal PTSD and shift into post-traumatic growth, embodiment, and joyful freedom.

Resources Mentioned:

Vagus Nerve exercises: Get on the newsletter here for the vagus nerve exercise video along with other free resources like the Wheel of Erotic Emotions: https://laurajurgens.myflodesk.com/wheel

The Feelings Wheel

Tara Brach's compassion meditation

Books:

No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (video synapsis here)

Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, and In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine

Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve by Stanley Rosenberg

Videos:

Peter Levine on Trauma and Somatic Experiencing

Trauma Release Method/ Trauma Release Exercises

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Learn the 8 core principles of consent, why consent competence makes us all sexier and more respectful lovers and human beings, how to share and model consent principles with kids, and some advanced issues around consent for those interested in kink and/or BDSM.

Here is the basic outline of the 8 core principles of consent:

1. Ask first, rather than just trying or assuming.
2. Accept that anything that’s not a clear Yes is a No, and that’s ok.
3. Slow down to find your yes or no, and let the other person have time for theirs.
4. All honest responses are kind, including No.
5. Get curious each time: don’t assume a Yes this time is a Yes always.
6. Be open to offer or receive creative alternatives.
7. Kind people still make mistakes, but they also listen and learn from them.
8. Checking in afterwards is important.

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

If you're a person with a penis or partnered with someone with one, this episode will help you understand and solve some very common orgasm challenges for male-bodied people during partner sex: having orgasms sooner than you'd like ("premature ejaculation" or PE) or not at all.

It will help you stop trying to extend your time to orgasm by thinking about something awful and checking out (pro tip: that is horrible advice), and I'll walk you through what actually works instead.

If you have trouble orgasming with a partner, or you’d just like to try some new approaches to orgasm, this episode will also help you with the most common reason for that and how to overcome it.

Plus you may hear a few tips to enhance male orgasms that you may not have tried yet.

Sign up for my email newsletter with free mini-courses, workshop announcements and general love notes for you, and get the Wheel of Erotic Emotions guide to understanding your turn-ons here: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel

Book recommendations mentioned in the episode:

• How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex by Metz & McCarthy
• Making Love Real by Harel & Hirschman (recommend to all people in relationships)
• The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Arava & Chia

Course recommendation for PE:
2-hour audio course by the Somatica® Method founders: https://www.celesteanddanielle.com/work-with-us/sex-coaching-homework-exercises/control-ejaculation-audio-download/

Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.

Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.