In my old garden, there was a bush that was so wildly overgrown that nothing else could fit. When I cut it back, it looked bare and wounded, but over time, it filled out beautifully while I was also able to add dozens of new plants. That’s what recovery feels like. I’ve been removing the unhealthy stuff that doesn’t serve me to make room for new growth. But pruning I’ve found is easier if I do it often. If I ignore it, things become unmanageable again, and I’m blind to the overgrowth. My character defects work the same way. If I don’t make time for self-reflection, I start missing what’s right in front of me (and inside of me).

Self-awareness requires slowing down long enough to see what I’ve been walking past every day. It’s like realizing the back of the bedroom door is filthy only when you finally close it and turn on the light. I don’t see it unless I’m looking for it. In recovery, I’m willing to take daily inventory, even when it’s uncomfortable. I can’t clean up what I refuse to see. Pruning spiritually, emotionally, and mentally is how I make space for new growth in my life.

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#RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #AlcoholismRecovery #StrokeRecovery #SpiritualGrowth #LettingGo #SelfAwareness #EmotionalHealing #GraceInRecovery #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic

Being honest about how I feel is tricky when sometimes I don’t even know. My depression, anxiety, and old patterns of thinking can be deceiving, convincing me that nothing is wrong when I’m actually really struggling. It reminds me of alcoholism itself. The very disease that was killing me was also the disease keeping me from seeing I was sick. Sometimes I’m ignoring something on purpose, but often I’m avoiding or postponing without even realizing it.

I’ve noticed that sometimes I’m white-knuckle my own fists, not gripping anything at all. It’s like clenching my jaw with TMJ. When I notice it and unclench, that’s surrender. I’m letting go. Recovery works the same way. Every time I loosen my grip and admit my true feelings, I’m surrendering. Only then can I see what’s happening inside me and take action to respond. Honesty is a minute-by-minute practice of opening my hands, unclenching my jaw, and letting go of what was never mine to control.

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#RecoveryDaily #SobrietyJourney #StrokeRecovery #AlcoholismRecovery #MentalHealthAwareness #HonestyAndHealing #LettingGo #SurrenderToWin #DepressionAndAnxiety #GratefulRecoveringAlcoholic

This morning I was reminded of the vicious cycle of my alcoholism. I’d wake after just a few hours of being passed out, trembling, sweating, and panicked. I would reach for the leftover tepid glass of wine on my nightstand to calm down and get me back to zero, as I’ve heard fellow alcoholics say. I was caught in a disease that is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I finally reached out for help and someone held on to me, believed in me, and showed me that I could break the cycle. Today, I choose sobriety, over and over again, to live in alignment with my higher power and my program for living.

In the beginning, sobriety felt impossible, foreign, and overwhelming. I didn’t understand the steps or the language, just like starting out in a new job where everyone else seems to know what’s going on. But in time, through showing up, working with others, and practicing daily, it became familiar and even comfortable. I’ve learned that my spiritual life is making continuous choices, moment by moment, to turn the dial back toward faith, hope, and community. Thankfully this program isn’t something I’ll ever graduate from. It’s a lifelong journey and way of life.

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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #AlcoholRecovery #BreakingTheCycle #SobrietyJourney #HigherPower #AAProgram #FaithAndHope #EmotionalSobriety #AddictionRecovery #OneDayAtATime

This morning in a meeting I heard a story that made mention of God delivering messages to us each day, and it’s up to us to look for them. Something about that didn’t resonate with me, so I decided to reflect on it and record an episode. On the surface, it sounds simple, but I insist that it is much more complex. Emotional sobriety means being able to see the world around me as a constant broadcast, like a message already written, and learning how to tune in. That tuning takes daily effort, through walking my dogs in nature (in Boris’ case, it’s just sitting in nature 😂), attending AA meetings, talking to my psychiatrist, and practicing prayer and meditation. Each of these fine-tunes the dial inside me so I can see the message clearly rather than letting my disease hijack the signal.

I don’t believe that my higher power is a postman dropping off new messages every day. Instead, the universe is already speaking all around me, all the time. It’s my decision to receive it. Sometimes, like when I saw that bucket of empty bottles, my first reaction was driven by depression and alcoholism, not sobriety. After 24 hours of inner resolution, I saw it differently. It became a gift and reminder of what I’ve been freed from. I make daily (even hourly) choices to turn the dial back toward hope, connection, and gratitude. I’m not waiting for God to deliver messages; I’m choosing to remove the obstacles caused by my invisible illnesses that block me from hearing what’s already around me. My sobriety is a gift, and connection helps me to keep tuning in.

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#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #AlcoholRecovery #StrokeSurvivor #SobrietyJourney #HigherPower #GratitudePractice #DailyRecovery #AACommunity #MentalHealthAndRecovery

“I only have today” is traditionally spoken in my morning sobriety meeting in memory of a man who was passionate about reminding us to stay in the moment. The phrase narrows the battlefield to what’s in front of me rather than future tripping. When my head starts spinning with what-ifs or my body protests when I’m trying to push to hard, the phrase pulls me back from borrowing tomorrow’s courage and energy and using it all up before I get there. It turns overwhelm into manageable work.

Living by “I only have today” strips drama from my recovery. It frees me from heroic plans and the illusion I must do and fix everything today. Instead, I can sustain momentum with small, repeatable actions, trusting that consistency compounds. Today’s small choices are the currency of real change.

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#IOnlyHaveToday #OneDayAtATime #Sobriety #StrokeRecovery #RecoveryTools #MindfulRecovery #YoureOKRightNow #TinyActionsBigChange #GratitudePractice #RelapsePrevention

When I was little, visits away from home felt unbearably empty. That same hollow loneliness still shows up now in hotel rooms or when I’m away from home. Yesterday it crept in again while settling in to an airbnb. BONUS: The previous inhabitant left a bucket of empty beer and tequila bottles out back, and for a hot second my brain whispered, “Wouldn’t that be nice?” But I caught it and answered back, “no.” I felt the fatigue, nausea, sharp pains in my head, and the obsessive cheerleader on my shoulder egging me into sadness. After doing the work for nine years, I recognized the empties as a spiritual test and leaned into my sobriety toolkit.

So, I used my podcast today to talk through the loneliness and remember the practical things that can help me during this time. I looked at the anatomy of a relapse and where it can start. Loneliness is a real thing. It can be a scary thing, and it can be the first step of a relapse if not acknowledged and addressed immediately. Among many other actions in my toolbox, my podcast made me name the feelings out loud and admit that I know what to do. The simple act of sharing my feelings saves me over and over again.

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#Loneliness #Sobriety #RelapsePrevention #RecoveryToolkit #MentalHealth #AddictionRecovery #PodcastTherapy #YoureOKRightNow #SpiritualTest #StayConnected

This move has been a humbling reminder that my body doesn’t keep pace with my intentions anymore. I’m still plugging away but absolutely spent. I’ve simply run out of steam and know it will take weeks to recover from this system overload. Acceptance has been slow work in stroke recovery. Mentally, I want to be the same person I was, physically I can’t, and learning to live inside that reality has taken practice.

Sobriety teaches me to live in tiny increments. One day at a time, one minute, one step, and sometimes just one deep breath are what turned my gray, chaotic world into color. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still totally insane sometimes, but I’m far more self-aware of how my obsessive thinking can pull me under. The 12 Steps and practicing habits keep me treading through the fear instead of drowning in it.

I look out for the red flags, like obsessive thinking, romanticizing the drink, and isolation, and the actions that help me stay clear of that wave of insanity. Log on to a meeting, call my sponsor, do my nightly inventory, use the God box, or even just take a breath and then take action. These are the guardrails on my daily path that help to rewire my reactions to fear and keep me out of the ditch.

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#StrokeRecovery #Sobriety #OneDayAtATime #MentalWellness #NeuroRecovery #SmallStepsBigChange #12Steps #YoureOKRightNow #SelfCare #RecoveryTools

Thankfully I can’t see the whole road ahead of me or else I’d miss the lessons. With all the packing I’ve been reminded me how little stamina I have since my stroke. This is a lesson keep having to learn the hard way as I continuously push myself too far. I like to say I learn everything the hard way. I used to just jump in the drivers seat blind folded (and drunk) and run off the road of life feeling that I was destined to crash and burn.

But my sobriety program taught me how to focus on this very inch of road I’m on. I take my life one day at a time, but nine years ago I had to start living one step at a time, one minute at a time, and sometimes one breath at a time. I couldn’t handle more than that. And these tiny increments added up to an entirely new way of living. To this day when fear sets in, I revert back to telling myself “you’re OK right now” and do the next right thing, whether its putting on my shoes (so I can walk Autumn), picking up that heavy phone (so I can call someone I love), or taking a deep breath (so I can echo “you’re OK right now.”) Micro-actions break the loop of fear between my ears. Small, steady, repeatable steps have redirected my life.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#RecoveryJourney #LifeAfterStroke #Sobriety #OneStepAtATime #MicroActions #MentalWellness #HealingHabits #YoureOKRightNow #Resilience #SmallStepsBigChange