Out Late With David cover art

Out Late With David

By: David Cotton
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  • Summary

  • I'm a life coach who came out later in life as gay. Join me as I talk with others who’ve made this LGBTQ+ coming out journey later in their lives to become who they really are.
    Out Late With David: Coming Out Later in Life LGBTQ+
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Episodes
  • Kristin Kalbli - The Impact of Coming Out on Straight Spouses

    Kristin Kalbli - The Impact of Coming Out on Straight Spouses
    May 5 2024
    Summary

    In this episode, David Cotton interviews Kristin Kalbli, the host of Our Voices podcast and an LGBT ally. Kristin shares her experience as a straight spouse and her mission to help others in similar situations. They discuss the signs that Kristin missed in her marriage, the impact of her husband's coming out on their relationship, and the importance of honesty and communication in the coming out process. Kristin asks David about his own coming out to his spouse. They also talk about the creation of a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses, and the need for support and understanding for both parties involved.

    Takeaways
    • The coming out process can have a significant impact on straight spouses, who may feel betrayed, confused, and humiliated.
    • Honesty and open communication are crucial in the coming out process, both for the LGBT spouse and the straight spouse.
    • Straight spouses may have questions and need time to process the news, and it's important for the LGBT spouse to be patient and understanding.
    • Creating a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses can help avoid unnecessary pain and damage in the relationship.
    • Support and empathy are essential for both parties involved in a mixed orientation marriage.
    Sound Bites
    • "The hardest thing that took me the longest to forgive was not that he was gay, not that he was in the closet, but that he didn't let me go so that I could find a loving relationship with a man who was interested in me, loved me, desired me, wanted to have a robust sexual relationship with me."
    • "If you're in a position to honor what your spouse would like, whether that's answering their questions or giving them no contact for a while, I think following their lead on that is wise."
    • "Pride month can be really difficult for straight spouses. And that's not an indication of bigotry. Many straight spouses have LGBT kids and are fierce allies and defenders of their kids, right? But pride month can be really painful because then you ask yourself the question, well, if he's living his true self now, then I was a part of a lie."
    Chapters

    00:00 Introduction and Background
    01:09 Kristin's Experience as a Straight Spouse
    09:49 Resources for Straight Spouses
    14:11 The Coming Out Process and Its Impact
    28:46 Preparing to Come Out to a Straight Spouse
    31:31 Supporting the Straight Spouse
    35:42 Honesty and Accountability
    39:34 Conclusion

    Information About Kristin Kalbli and OurPath
    • Out Path Out Voice: https://ourpath.org/our-voices/
    • Guide to coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual to your straight partner or spouse - by OurPath: https://emfjjpdexyu.exactdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/OP-GuideToComingOutLGB-r1.pdf
    Book Recommendation
    • The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, by Amity Pierce Buxton - https://a.co/d/129LQiC
    Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

    YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/vv20ZumingY

    YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

    Contact David: mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com
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    40 mins
  • Charles Vollmar - successful chef…married with 2 kids; wife discovers he's gay and outed him to everyone

    Charles Vollmar - successful chef…married with 2 kids; wife discovers he's gay and outed him to everyone
    Apr 12 2024
    Summary

    Charles Vollmer, a successful California chef, shares his journey of coming out later in life and the challenges he faced. After being outed by his wife, he left his possessions behind and started a new life in San Miguel, Mexico. He is rebuilding his career as a culinary teacher and started sharing his story on social media. Charles discusses the unique challenges faced by men who come out later in life, the impact on their families, and the need for support and understanding. He emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and finding a community of like-minded individuals.

    Keywords: coming out, late in life, challenges, rebuilding, support, community

    Takeaways
    • Coming out later in life can be a challenging and traumatic experience, but it can also lead to personal growth and happiness.
    • The impact on family and relationships can be significant, and rebuilding trust and understanding takes time.
    • Finding a supportive community and seeking professional help can be crucial in navigating the complexities of coming out later in life.
    • Being true to oneself and embracing authenticity is essential for personal fulfillment and living a fulfilling life.
    Titles
    • The Importance of Support and Understanding
    • Rebuilding After Coming Out: Finding a New Path
    Sound Bites
    • "Divorcing, giving up my San Francisco Bay home of 30 years and everything in it, donating 99% of my clothing and personal belongings and selling my car. I left for Europe to begin my life over at 61."
    Chapters
    • 00:00 Introduction: Charles Vollmer's Journey
    • 10:38 Starting Over: Rebuilding After Coming Out
    • 25:00 Reflections and Regrets: Lessons Learned
    • 30:59 Advice for Others: Taking Your Time and Finding Support
    About Charles Vollmar
    • Epicurean Exchange Culinary Travel: www.epexculinarytravel.com
    • Blog: www.epicureanglobalexchange.com
    • Facebook, Threads, Instagram: All @ CharlesVollmar
    Book Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/1AROMMu

    Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

    YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/SLJXxU-wUaw

    YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

    Contact me: mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com
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    34 mins
  • Dan Bolen - at age 70 came out as gay, kicked out of his church and ended his 2nd marriage

    Dan Bolen - at age 70 came out as gay, kicked out of his church and ended his 2nd marriage
    Mar 8 2024
    Dan Bolen - at age 70 he came out as gay, was kicked out of his church and ended his second marriage

    Summary

    Dan Bolen shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a gay man after living a life of denial and fear. He discusses the challenges he faced in a restrictive religious community and the fear of losing his family and friends. Dan's story highlights the importance of being honest with oneself and embracing authenticity. He emphasizes the power of finding a supportive community and having a voice. Dan's memoir and podcast serve as a source of inspiration and empowerment for others on a similar journey.

    Takeaways
    • Be honest with yourself and define who you are.
    • Don't look for someone outside of you to define who you are.
    • Finding a supportive community is crucial for self-acceptance.
    • Having a voice and embracing authenticity are empowering.
    Chapters

    00:00 Introduction and Background
    01:02 Realizing Difference and Fear of Rejection
    03:17 Burying and Denying One's True Self
    04:13 Marriage and Denial of Sexuality
    05:38 Disfellowshiped and Shunned by the Church
    07:30 Accepting Bisexuality as a Coping Mechanism
    08:55 Accepting and Embracing Authentic Self 1
    0:07 Coming Out and the Lowest Point
    11:02 First Experience with a Man and Validation
    12:29 Divorce and Finding a New Community
    15:17 Defining Self and Having a Voice
    24:21 Being Honest with Yourself
    27:32 Advice for Those Questioning Their Sexuality
    29:06 Reflection and Impact

    Dan Bolen's Memoir: The Courage to be Courageous: https://a.co/d/6x7yl0r

    Dan Bolen's Website: https://danbolen.com/

    Book Recommendation: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. https://a.co/d/ah7pXuT

    Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

    YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/Axp2j_lgVMM

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

    Contact me: mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com
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    31 mins
Biographies & Memoirs Hygiene & Healthy Living Social Sciences Relationships
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