Most men try to quit porn by relying on sheer willpower, white-knuckling it, or living in constant fear of relapse. I know, because I tried that too. The problem is, a fear-based recovery mindset only fuels more cravings and keeps you stuck in the shame cycle.

In this episode of No More Desire, I reveal the 2 recovery mindset elements that almost every man overlooks—but that can completely transform your journey to freedom from porn addiction. They’re simple, but don’t let that fool you. These two practices can rewire your brain, reduce cravings, and give you a life filled with meaning and purpose beyond just “not watching porn.”

We’ll dive deep into:

• Why fear-based recovery backfires and actually makes relapse more likely.
  
  
• The psychology of gratitude and how it interrupts rumination, rewires your attention, and helps you build a new identity.
  
  
• How focusing on good outcomes for others strengthens self-worth, connection, and significance in ways porn never can.
  
  
• The neuroscience behind gratitude and service, including how they restructure dopamine, reduce stress, and build long-term resilience.
  
  
• The spiritual truth that joy isn’t found in hoarding for self, but in living with gratitude and giving to others.
  
  

By the end of this episode, you’ll see why gratitude and focusing on the good of others are not just “feel-good extras” in recovery—they’re essential builders of a porn-free life.

If you’re ready to stop living in fear of relapse and start building a life worth living for, this episode is for you.

👉 Listen now and take the next step toward lasting freedom from porn addiction.

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

Free Resources:

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life.

Recommended Episodes:

Why Positive Thinking Isn't Enough to Beat Porn Addiction - And What Works Instead

How Negative Thinking Fuels Porn Addiction - Shame, the Brain and the Habit Loop

The Inner War that Keeps You Addicted to Porn

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No More Desire

When I was stuck in porn addiction, I kept hearing the same advice: “Just be more positive. Believe in yourself. Visualize your freedom.” But here’s the problem—positive thinking alone doesn’t heal porn addiction. In fact, it often makes things worse.

In this episode, I dive deep into the psychology, neuroscience, and spirituality of why forcing yourself to “just think positive” can actually increase shame, suppress your real emotions, and fuel relapse. We’ll talk about the trap of toxic positivity, the failure of the “law of attraction” in recovery, and why pretending to be fine when you’re hurting only keeps you stuck in the cycle of cravings.

Instead, I’ll show you a mindset shift that actually works: facing your pain head-on, learning to process negative thoughts and emotions honestly, and using practical tools to rewire your brain for long-term recovery. You’ll discover why the real solution isn’t blind positivity—it’s courageous presence.

We’ll cover:

• The psychology of toxic positivity and why suppressing pain drives porn use
• The neuroscience of stress, dopamine, and why fake positivity backfires
• The spiritual truth that freedom comes not from escaping pain, but transforming it
• A simple recovery exercise to ground yourself in reality and break free from cravings

If you’ve ever felt frustrated that positive thinking isn’t working—or worse, that it’s made you feel more ashamed—this episode will help you see the path forward with clarity and hope.

Porn recovery isn’t about “positive vibes only.” It’s about building the strength to face reality with courage and rewire your mind for freedom.

Blog Article for this Episode

Free Resources

Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life.

Recommended Episodes:

How Negative Thinking Fuels Porn Addiction

The Subtle Lies that Keep You Relapsing

Addiction, Identity, and the Illusion of Brokenness (with Jason Shiers)

Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

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No More Desire

When I was deep in my porn addiction, I thought the biggest problem I had was desire. But over time, I discovered the real enemy was the constant storm of negative thinking in my own head—shame, self-doubt, anxiety, and a relentless inner critic that kept me trapped in the habit loop.

In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on how negative thinking actively fuels porn addiction, why it’s more than just “background noise,” and how it changes your brain in ways that make cravings harder to resist. We’ll dive into the psychology, neuroscience, and spiritual truths behind why self-condemnation, all-or-nothing thinking, and emotional reasoning can lock you into relapse cycles—and what to do about it.

You’ll learn:

• The psychological impact of shame loops and how they create a self-fulfilling prophecy in addiction.
• How the brain’s negativity bias and stress response prime you to seek quick dopamine from porn.
• Why most men’s internal “motivation” strategies backfire and keep them stuck.
• The first practical step to rewire your brain and break the craving–relapse pattern.

This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine or replacing negative thoughts with forced positivity. It’s about developing the awareness and tools to face painful emotions head-on, dismantle toxic thinking patterns, and reclaim the mental freedom you need for long-term porn addiction recovery.

Whether you’re looking to quit porn, stop watching porn, or finally break free from years of feeling stuck, this episode will give you a clear and practical starting point.

Listen now—and let’s start breaking the cycle for good.

Blog Article for this Episode

Free Resources:
Grab my Free eBook and Free Workshop for more strategies to overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life.

Recommended Episodes:

The Inner War that Keeps you Addicted to Porn

Why Pain, Not Pleasure, Keeps You Addicted

My Real Rock Bottom – Years After I Got Sober

Support the show

No More Desire

When you’re stuck in porn addiction, it often feels like there’s a war going on inside your own mind.

One part of you wants to be strong, productive, loving, and aligned with your values. The other part just wants comfort, ease, and escape. Most recovery programs tell you to kill off the "bad" part. To deny it, starve it, or fight it.

But what if that approach is actually fueling your addiction?

In this episode, I’m going to show you a completely different path—one rooted in psychological integration, spiritual clarity, and masculine leadership. We'll break down why you keep relapsing despite your best efforts, and why your inner war is the real reason you're stuck.

You’ll learn how to apply the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework to porn addiction recovery, using what I call “archetypal parts”—the Achiever, the Comforter, the Dreamer, the General, and more. These parts of you aren’t evil—they’re trying to help. But until you learn to lead them instead of fight or suppress them, you'll keep falling back into the same old cycles.

🔥 What You’ll Discover in This Episode:

• Why suppressing your desires makes porn addiction worse, and what to do instead
• The psychology of porn addiction—and why it’s not about lust
• How Internal Family Systems (IFS) and parts work can heal the root of your addiction
• The real reason your perfectionism and religious guilt are keeping you stuck
• The difference between Manager, Firefighter, and Exile parts—and how each fuels the porn cycle
• How to stop the internal war and become the Self-led man you were meant to be
• Simple daily practices to bring harmony to your mind and stop needing porn for relief
• Why this inner healing work deepens your connection with God, not distances it

If you’ve ever wondered why you keep relapsing despite all your knowledge and effort…
If you’ve tried filters, accountability, and white-knuckling and it’s still not enough…
If you want to actually understand your mind and reclaim your freedom…

This episode is for you.

🔗 Ready to Go Deeper?

👉 Download my free eBook and take my free workshop

👉 Or join my coaching waitlist if you're ready to build long-lasting recovery

🎧 Don’t forget to rate, follow, and hit the bell so you never miss an episode. And share this with a brother who’s struggling.

Recommended Episodes:

The Porn Trap: Why Pain, Not Pleasure, Keeps You Addicted

Sexual Desire Isn't Sin

My Real Rock Bottom - Years After I Got Sober

Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

Support the show

No More Desire

If you’ve ever felt like your porn addiction makes no sense—like you’re a good man, doing your best, yet you keep falling into the same cycle—this episode will hit home.

In today’s conversation, I sit down with Chandler Rogers, founder of the Relay app, to unpack why it’s not actually pleasure that keeps you stuck in the addiction cycle… it’s pain. Specifically, it’s the pain you haven’t been taught how to face.

We talk about the hidden wounds driving sexual compulsion, the parts of you that feel pressure to be perfect, and the scared young boy inside that’s just trying to be okay. Chandler opens up about his own story of struggling with pornography in secret, even while appearing “put together” on the outside—a story many of us will deeply relate to.

We also explore why white-knuckling and over-managing your behavior isn’t real recovery… and how true healing begins when you stop avoiding pain and start listening to it.

This episode covers powerful themes around:

• How to quit porn by healing emotional pain, not just controlling behavior
• Why self-awareness and self-compassion are critical for lasting porn recovery
• The role of vulnerability and group support in overcoming porn addiction
• How the fear of rejection drives compulsive sexual behavior
• Why many Christian men feel shame around their sexuality—and how to heal it
• How Internal Family Systems (IFS therapy) helps us lead our parts rather than be controlled by them
• What it means to build emotional safety, sexual integrity, and spiritual growth as a man

We also talk about how to navigate marriage when one partner is healing from betrayal trauma, and the other is trying to maintain sexual sobriety. Chandler shares vulnerable, practical insights about how men can face their emotions, show up for their wives, and connect with the inner child driving their compulsions.

Whether you’re in the middle of your struggle or years into recovery, this conversation will challenge and empower you. This is not a “do more” message—it’s an invitation to go deeper.

Resources Mentioned:
🔗 JoinRelay.app — Chandler’s group recovery app that connects you with real support
🔗 NoMoreDesire.com — Get 1-on-1 support and a step-by-step program to build a recovery mindset and lifestyle

Recommended Episodes:

Why Sex in Marriage Can Trigger Porn Cravings | How to Rewire Your Brain for Healthy Sexuality

Sexual Desire Isn’t Sin | The Conversation Christian Men Are Afraid to Have

Self-Inflicted Sexual Trauma of Porn Addiction and Masturbation

Get Help with Porn Addiction:

👉 Free Workshop

📘 Free Ebook

🗞️ Newsletter

Music

Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

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No More Desire

This is Part 3 of this series—and today, we’re getting into the best part:

If you’ve listened to Parts 1 and 2, you know we’ve covered:

• Why sex in marriage can sometimes feel like a relapse
• How porn rewires your brain’s sexual pathways
• The neuroscience and psychology behind emotional distance, shame, and porn cravings

Now it’s time for real solutions.

Because here’s the truth I want you to hear loud and clear:

All the neural pathways wired by porn can be rewired.

You can retrain your brain for healthy sexuality in marriage.

And this isn’t just theory. I’ve watched it happen for men I coach across the world. Healing is absolutely possible.

In This Episode, We Dive Into:

Changing the meaning of sex:

• Why sex is not a performance, a transaction, or an escape
• How to reshape your sexual template so sex becomes:
  • Connection rather than isolation
  • Presence rather than performance
  • Honoring rather than using
  • Purpose and service rather than just pleasure
  • A space for vulnerability, joy, and mutual care

Practical tools for rewiring sexual arousal pathways:

• Pre-intimacy emotional check-ins to create safety
• Eye contact exercises to rebuild connection instead of dissociation
• Post-sex debriefs to transform sex into a conversation instead of a silent transaction
• Sensate Focus practices that make sex playful and present instead of pressure-filled

Moving from performance to presence:

• How to stop worrying about “doing it right” and start being fully with your wife
• Simple affirmations that re-focus you on connection rather than self-consciousness

Transforming from using to honoring:

• How to see your wife as a whole person, not an object
• How to bless rather than take—even during sexual intimacy

Shifting from entitlement to sex as a mutual gift:

• Why sex isn’t a right you’re owed, but a gift shared freely
• Questions to ask your wife to create mutual understanding and intimacy

Faith and neuroscience working together:

• Why God hasn’t cursed you—and why He’s not going to magically “just take it away”
• How your healing journey honors God and grows your spiritual strength

I’m sharing real, step-by-step practices you can try over the next 30 days to start rewiring your brain for healthy, connected sex.

Your sexual desire isn’t dirty. You’re not condemned. You’re simply dealing with old neural pathways that can absolutely be transformed.

READ THE BLOG ARTICLE FOR THIS 3-PART SERIES

Recommended Episodes:

When Wives Become Sex Objects - Hope & Healing

My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me - What Do I Do?

Sexual Desire Isn't Sin

Support the show

No More Desire

Today we’re heading into the deep end of a conversation most men never get to have—but desperately need.

If you’ve ever felt:

• Triggered by sex with your spouse
• Overwhelmed by cravings for porn after marital intimacy
• Disconnected and guilty about sex even though you’re married
• Spiritually ashamed and wondering if something is broken inside you…

…I want you to know you’re not failing because you’re weak or defective. You’re fighting brain pathways that have been wired over years of porn use.

In Part 2 of this series, we’re going deep into the neuroscience of porn addiction and the psychology of sexual intimacy.

Here’s what we’re uncovering in this episode:

How porn rewires your brain’s sexual template.

• Why your brain starts associating sex with performance instead of connection
• How porn teaches your mind to seek pleasure without personhood—and why that leaves you detached and unfulfilled
• Why real-life sex often feels “flat” compared to porn’s hyper-stimulation

The secret power of dopamine and novelty.

• Why porn creates a relentless craving for newness and shock value
• Why normal marital sex can feel boring or underwhelming after years of high-intensity porn

Emotional imprinting and the shame loop.

• How early sexual secrecy and shame get trapped in your nervous system
• Why even healthy marital sex can trigger memories of guilt, fear, or forbiddenness
• How this leads to post-sex brain fog, shame, and the urge to “finish the job” with porn

The spiritual battle for Christian men.

• Why you might feel spiritually broken if sex in marriage triggers shame
• How porn addiction fuels the false belief that God is condemning you
• Why God is not the voice berating you—and how faith can become part of your healing process

I remember how confusing this was for me in my own marriage.

When I first got married, I thought sex would be the ultimate cure for my porn addiction. Instead, I found myself craving porn after sex, feeling guilty and disconnected, and wondering if I was beyond help.

But here’s what I discovered—you’re not spiritually broken. Your brain and body just need healing.

If you’ve ever wondered why sex isn’t “fixing” your cravings—or felt ashamed that it triggers them instead—this episode is for you.

READ THE BLOG ARTICLE FOR THIS 3-PART SERIES

Recommended Episodes:

When Wives Become Sex Objects - Hope & Healing

My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me - What Do I Do?

Sexual Desire Isn't Sin

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No More Desire

Today, we’re diving into a topic that might just feel like the elephant in the room for countless men trying to stay free from porn:

If you’ve ever thought:

• “Shouldn’t sex with my wife help me fight porn cravings—not make them worse?”
• “Why do I feel guilty, disconnected, or even triggered after marital sex?”
• “Am I broken—or worse, spiritually condemned—because sex sometimes feels like a relapse?”

…I want you to know you are not alone—and you’re definitely not broken.

In Part 1 of this powerful series, I’m sharing my own story as a man who faced this exact struggle when I got married a decade ago. For years, I wrestled with the confusion and shame of realizing that sex inside marriage can become one of the biggest triggers for porn cravings.

So many Christian men—and men in general—feel blindsided when they discover that:

✅ Sex in marriage can feel loaded with the same shame, secrecy, and forbiddenness as porn.
✅ Healthy marital sex sometimes triggers old neural pathways wired by years of porn use.
✅ Instead of satisfying you, sex can leave you craving porn more than ever.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why sex in marriage can sometimes feel like a relapse, both psychologically and neurologically. We’ll talk about:

• How porn rewires the brain to crave novelty, secrecy, and high-stimulation sexual experiences.
• Why real-life sex can feel underwhelming—and even triggering—compared to porn’s hyperstimulating world.
• The emotional and spiritual confusion many Christian men feel when marital sex triggers porn cravings.

You’ll learn about the hidden dynamics of sexual triggers in marriage and why porn addiction recovery often requires learning to rewire your brain for connection in sex, rather than performance or secrecy.

If you’ve felt:

• Foggy, guilty, or disconnected after sex
• Trapped in the cycle of craving porn even after intimacy with your spouse
• Spiritually discouraged, wondering why God hasn’t “fixed this yet”

…I want you to know there’s hope—and a path forward.

You’re not condemned by God. And you’re not destined for a life of sexual triggers, shame, or disconnection in your marriage. Healing is absolutely possible—both through neuroscience and through faith.

Let's uncover why this happens, why you’re not spiritually condemned, and how you can begin the journey toward healthy sexuality in marriage and true freedom from porn cravings.

READ THE BLOG ARTICLE FOR THIS 3-PART SERIES

Recommended Episodes:

When Wives Become Sex Objects - Hope & Healing

My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me - What Do I Do?

Sexual Desire Isn't Sin

Support the show

No More Desire