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Men, save your marriage

Men, save your marriage

By: Terry Ray
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 Hello gentlemen and welcome to the ‘Men, Save Your Marriage Show’. My name is Terry, I’m your host. I did an autopsy on my failed marriage and now, I use the lessons I learned to help other men on how to save their marriage before it fails completely. I’m going to share with you the things I wish someone would have shared with me before my marriage failed. Each episode dives into the root causes of marital struggles, offering insights and strategies to reignite connections, rebuild trust, and become the leader your home needs. Whether you’re facing communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or just feel like your marriage is slipping away, I am here to guide you with wisdom, humor, and hard-earned lessons from my own journey. Your marriage isn’t over—this is the wake-up call you’ve been waiting for. Subscribe now, and let’s get to work saving your marriage!2024 Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • #58: Lead The Way – Own The Wreckage

    #58: Lead The Way – Own The Wreckage
    Jun 24 2025
    #58: LEAD THE WAY – OWN THE WRECKAGE Men, Save Your Marriage – The Leadership Series (Episode 7) INTRO: THE MOST HUMBLING STEP A MAN CAN TAKE Welcome back to Men, Save Your Marriage. You’re listening to Episode 7 in our Lead the Damn Way series—and today we’re going into the fire. This isn’t an easy episode. But it might be the most important one of the entire series. Because if you want to lead… If you want to rebuild trust, respect, and intimacy… If you want your wife to see you as a man again— As someone she can follow, desire, and believe in— Then you have to start with what most men avoid at all costs: You have to own the wreckage. Not just your version of the story. Not just the parts you feel justified in. Not just the clean, easy pieces that make you look noble. You own all of it. You step into the wreckage your leadership created, allowed, or ignored. You admit: The pain you caused, even if you didn’t intend it. The distance you allowed, even if you weren’t the first to pull away. The responsibility you abandoned, even if your excuses felt valid at the time. This is the start of real masculine leadership. Not finger-pointing. Not image protection. Not spinning the story. This isn’t about guilt. It’s not about shame. This is about taking your power back. By telling the truth. By standing tall. By becoming the kind of man who can say, “This was mine. I see it now. And it changes today.” Let’s dig in. POINT 1: YOU CAN’T LEAD WHAT YOU WON’T OWN You’ve heard it said, “lead by example.” But most men think that just means work hard, provide well, and keep your nose clean. That’s not what leadership means. Not in a marriage. Not in a home. Not in a kingdom. Leadership means: You go first. You go first in confession. You go first in ownership. You go first in humility—not because you're the worst, but because you're the leader. So many men want their wife to come back to them. They want their kids to respect them again. They want their family to heal. But they’re still walking around saying: “Well, she gave up first.” “She was cold to me.” “She cheated.” “She disrespected me in front of the kids.” And maybe all of that is true. But here’s the question that separates men from boys: “What kind of man do I want to become from this point forward?” Because blaming her? That gives her all the control. Owning your part? That gives you the authority to lead again. Let me say it another way: Blame keeps you weak. Ownership makes you powerful. Leadership begins the moment you say: “No more deflection. No more blame. I allowed things I should’ve stopped. I failed to protect what I should’ve cherished. I didn’t show up the way my wife, my kids, and my mission needed me to. And I take full responsibility.” That’s the turning point. Let’s get practical: Here are some patterns you may need to own: Drifting emotionally. Being in the house but not with your wife. Using work as an escape. Staying busy so you never have to deal with the emotional mess. Shutting down in conflict. Avoiding tension instead of stepping into it with strength. Letting porn replace pursuit. Checking out of intimacy and replacing it with fantasy. Prioritizing everything except her. Saying yes to hobbies, work, and obligations—but never her. Playing the victim. Turning every hard moment into a reason why you’re the one who’s mistreated. It’s not about being a monster. It’s about being honest enough to say: “I let these things grow in the house I was supposed to protect. I see it now. I own it. And I’m done.” That’s how you begin to rebuild respect. STORY: FROM DENIAL TO DOMINION – THE MAN WHO CHANGED Let me tell you a story about a man I coached named Eli. Eli looked like a solid husband on paper. He worked 60 hours a week to provide. He never cheated. He never raised a hand. He went to church. Paid the bills. Mowed the lawn. But Eli’s wife felt utterly alone. She had tried to talk to him. She had begged for deeper connection. She had asked him to stop avoiding conflict, to engage with the kids, to simply be present. And every time, Eli dismissed it. He said: “You’re overreacting.” “I’m just tired from work.” “Can we not do this right now?” So over time, she gave up. She stopped trying. She shut down emotionally. And one day, she packed her bags and moved out. That’s when Eli came to me—still confused, still defending himself. “I never did anything wrong. I never yelled. I never cheated. I never lied.” But he did neglect. He did emotionally abandon. He did protect his own comfort over their connection. So we started the work. The first thing I had him do was write a letter. A full page—not defending himself, not blaming her—just owning the wreckage. In the letter, he wrote lines like: “I now see what I didn’t want to see. I see that your loneliness was real. ...
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    25 mins
  • #57: Lead The Way – Correct With Authority

    #57: Lead The Way – Correct With Authority
    Jun 17 2025
    #57: Lead The Way – Correct With Authority INTRO: WHY MOST MEN GET CORRECTION WRONG Welcome back to Men, Save Your Marriage. You’re listening to Episode 6 in our Lead the Damn Way series. And if you’ve made it this far, I already know one thing about you—you’re not here to play small. You’re here because you’ve realized something: You can’t save your marriage by being passive. You also can’t lead it by being controlling. And when it comes to correction—when it comes to those moments where something needs to change, where you need to speak up, where the tone is off, the attitude is sideways, the behavior isn’t building anything good—most men fall into one of two traps: They either explode, getting loud, reactive, and overbearing… Or they evaporate, staying quiet, backing down, hoping it just blows over. Both of those kill respect. Both of those erode intimacy. And both of those are symptoms of a man who doesn’t yet know how to correct with real, masculine authority. Today, we’re going to fix that. There is a third way. A better way. A stronger, calmer, more grounded way to lead your marriage and your home without controlling it, and without giving your power away. We’re going to talk about: Why correction isn’t control How to stay calm in confrontation What authority actually looks like in action So whether your wife is sarcastic or silent, whether your kids are disrespectful or distracted, whether you’re in a season of rebuilding or just trying to hold the line—you need this. Let’s get into it. POINT 1: CONTROL ISN’T AUTHORITY—AND PASSIVITY ISN’T LOVE Let’s expose the lie that keeps men weak: “Correction is the same as control.” If you believe that lie, you only have two options: Dominate Or disappear And most men bounce between both. They try dominating first. That means: Raising their voice Giving ultimatums Managing every detail Demanding respect without earning it And when that blows up in their face, they retreat into passivity. That means: Not speaking up Avoiding confrontation Hoping “being nice” will fix the atmosphere Here’s the truth: neither approach builds trust. Neither approach builds respect. And neither approach reflects the strength you were designed to walk in. What your wife feels when you try to control: Unsafe Micromanaged Like she’s being parented, not partnered Like she needs to resist you just to breathe What she feels when you’re passive: Alone Unprotected Like the emotional weight of the home is on her shoulders Like she has to lead because you won’t This is why women test tone. Not to tear you down. Not to disrespect you. But to find out: “Can I trust this man to hold steady when things get tense? Can I push against him emotionally and still feel his strength? Can I trust that he won’t collapse or explode if I’m in a bad place?” If your answer is to explode, she sees you as unsafe. If your answer is to disappear, she sees you as unreliable. But if your answer is to stay present, calm, and clear—even when she’s not— She sees something rare. She sees strength she can trust. She sees a man who knows who he is. That’s what we’re after. POINT 2: WHAT CALM, GROUNDED CORRECTION LOOKS LIKE So what does it actually look like to correct with authority? Let’s break it down. 1. You Name the Standard Authority doesn’t begin with volume—it begins with clarity. You can’t enforce a standard you haven’t established. And you shouldn’t correct behavior that you haven’t first defined. Examples of standards: “In this home, we don’t raise our voices at each other.” “Sarcasm is not how we connect. I need honesty, not jabs.” “We follow through on what we say. That’s who we are.” “Disrespectful talk isn’t how we solve problems.” These are truths stated without apology. This is not about nitpicking behavior. This is about naming a culture. If your home feels chaotic, if your marriage feels tense, if your kids walk on eggshells or act out constantly—it’s likely because no one’s named the standard. So start there. 2. You Stay Calm When Challenged This is where most men lose ground. You try to hold the line—and she pushes back. You name the standard—and the teenager rolls their eyes. And what do most men do? They try to win the moment. They fight harder. They talk louder. They escalate to prove their point. But correction isn’t about winning—it’s about leading. When you get pushback, you don’t match the energy. You don’t trade jabs. You don’t try to punish with your words. You root yourself in calm masculinity. You say something like: “I can see you’re upset. I’m open to hearing you, but I won’t engage in this tone. Let’s reset.” Or: “I’m not angry, but I am serious. That’s not okay with me. Let’s find a better way to move forward.” Correction is not about emotion—it’s about ...
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    23 mins
  • #56: Lead The Way - Build The Blueprint

    #56: Lead The Way - Build The Blueprint
    Jun 10 2025
    #56: Lead The Way - Build The Blueprint INTRO Welcome back to Men, Save Your Marriage. This is Episode 5 in the Lead the Way series—a blueprint for men who are ready to lead their homes, marriages, and lives with clarity, purpose, and unwavering presence. Today’s law might be the most practical of the 10: Build the Blueprint. Because the truth is—most men aren’t failing because they’re evil. Most men are failing because they’re unclear. Your wife doesn’t trust what you say, because she doesn’t know if you believe it. Your kids don’t follow you, because you haven’t shown them where you’re going. You feel stuck not because you’re lazy—but because you don’t have a map. Let’s fix that today. This episode is about designing the actual structure of your leadership. The blueprint. The one your wife can feel. The one your kids can follow. The one your future self will thank you for. Let’s go. POINT 1: THE COST OF LEADING WITHOUT CLARITY Most men wake up and respond. To texts. To problems. To their wife’s mood. To their inbox. To their stress. They aren’t leading—they’re reacting. Here’s what happens when you don’t have a clear vision: You start confusing activity with progress. You overcommit to things that don’t matter. You let pressure dictate your priorities. You feel busy, but your marriage stays cold. If you don’t know where you’re going—why would she follow you? Clarity doesn’t mean having every answer. It means having a direction. A mission. A filter for your decisions. A blueprint isn’t perfect. But it’s intentional. And women can feel the difference between a man who’s floating and a man who’s forging. If you feel stuck in your marriage—it may be because you haven’t built something she can walk into. Let’s fix that. POINT 2: BUILDING YOUR PERSONAL LEADERSHIP BLUEPRINT Let’s get tactical. To build your blueprint, you need to clarify four foundational pillars: 1. Who You Are Becoming Not who you’ve been. Not who she thinks you are. Who are you becoming? "I’m becoming a man who..." Leads with clarity, not emotion. Protects the tone of the home. Pursues his wife with purpose. Follows through on what he starts. Write this out. Declare it. Speak it every morning. 2. What You Stand For These are your values. Your non-negotiables. Your personal leadership code. Examples: In this house, we speak with respect—even when we’re frustrated. We lead ourselves before we try to lead others. We do hard things without whining. We finish what we start. Make this list visible. Frame it. Speak it over your family. Teach it to your children. 3. Where You’re Leading Your Family She needs to know what you see. Your kids need to hear where they’re going. Start with the next 90 days: What are you rebuilding in your marriage? What does a win look like in fatherhood? What’s the financial or faith goal? What’s your household rhythm? Paint the picture. “By June 1st, we’re having one family dinner per week, one date night per month, and I’m pursuing her daily with presence, not pressure.” That’s vision. 4. How You’ll Reinforce the Vision Vision dies in silence. It must be spoken. It must be acted out. It must be shared. Start a Sunday Vision Reset. Reflect: What did we build this week? Reconnect: Share your love and leadership openly. Reset: Declare where you’re going next. This isn’t control. This is clarity. And it’s the most attractive, stabilizing thing you can bring into your home. STORY: FROM DRIFT TO DIRECTION A client I’ll call James was a decent husband. Never cheated. Good job. Home most nights. But his wife felt alone. She didn’t know what they were aiming for. She didn’t feel protected or inspired—just provided for. We walked through the blueprint process. He created a 90-day mission: Rebuild weekly connection through scheduled rhythms. Initiate one pursuit action daily. Lead a weekly family reset. He shared the plan with her. Not in a preachy way. But with confidence. “Here’s what I see. Here’s what I’m building. I want to invite you into it, but I’m moving forward either way.” She cried. Not because it was perfect. But because—for the first time—she felt like she wasn’t the only one carrying the emotional weight. That’s the power of building the blueprint. POINT 3: MASCULINE VISION BUILDS TRUST AND STRENGTH When your wife sees you build and follow a blueprint: She relaxes. She softens. She trusts. Because your leadership communicates: “You’re safe with me. We’re not drifting. I’ve got this.” Here’s what most women won’t say—but deeply feel: “When he doesn’t have a plan, I feel like I have to lead. And I hate that.” When she feels your clarity, she doesn’t have to compensate. She doesn’t have to mother you. She doesn’t have to rescue the moment. That doesn’t mean she won’t test it. She ...
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    22 mins

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