Episodes

  • LTN 6 - Colette VS Whatever

    LTN 6 - Colette VS Whatever
    Oct 30 2025
    • "Love Thy Neighbor" with Dan, Tom, and therapist Colette • Colette's California media tour for her book • Colette appears on the controversial "Whatever" podcast • "Whatever" framed as alpha/anti-woke male genre • Critique of toxic masculinity and "men under attack" tropes • Other shows mock/analyze these alpha podcasts • Past "Whatever" guests include Charlie Kirk, Candace Owens • Secretive taping: last-minute address, security, metal detector • Overloaded studio: 9–16 mics; strict mic rules enforced • Tom's old-school gripe: too many open mics • OnlyFans model spotlighted; show leans on visual appeal • Colette cast as the feminist voice on the panel • Her therapist stance: note rare valid points, reject nonsense • Rage-baiting for clicks; deliberate provocation • Dan learned rage-bait radio with Ed Till; ethical doubts • Colette dragged for going on four dates in one day • Chivalry debate: who pays and for how long • Defense of casual "coffee dates" amid app fatigue • Host claims chivalry burdens men while demanding submission • Child-support and dating-expectations attacks on Colette • Narrative: young white men victimized and owed obedience • Popularity driven by true fans, not just hate-listeners • Red-pill framing; younger male pushback culture • "80% of women want 20% of men" stat challenged • "666" trope (six figures/feet/inches) reactions • Men's anger tied to rejection vs personal responsibility • Politics baked in; red/blue pill props on set • Show prints money; Colette still gets online backlash • Preference for real help over grievance-weaponizing • Why the audience is large: loneliness and resentment • Claims denying wage gap/minimizing violence deemed absurd • Panel self-ratings; no "7" rule; some rate very low • Colette self-rates: 9 for her age; 6 vs 20-year-olds • '90s shock-jock comparisons without the wit • Colette vs Alex Stein's "confidence = sex bait" jab • Rebuttal: confidence from life experience, not sex hunting • Call-out of sexism tying older women's value to desirability • Hosts profit from outrage and controversy • Howard Stern contrast: provocative yet self-aware/comedic • Red-pill appeal to disillusioned young men explained • Empathy for average men squeezed by online ideals • Men judged to be tall/rich/successful; women also objectified • Apps amplify superficiality, comparison, and loneliness • Both genders warped by algorithmic expectations • Real attraction grows via shared humor and real-world contact • Screen time erodes social skills and confidence • Many alpha hosts read as insecure/inexperienced • Brian Atlas cited as projecting frustration • Submissiveness/obedience rejected as outdated • If chivalry demands submission, decline it • Strong women valued; confident men welcome equals • Hosts' wives as assertive, capable partners • Balance independence with care-taking; avoid dependency • Strong partners still want to feel cared for • Healthy dynamic = mutual giving and receiving • Is oppression of women ongoing? Colette: yes; others: no • Sex work: agency vs oppression debated • "Men must protect women" expectation questioned under equality • Traditional roles still shape modern instincts • Beliefs formed by societal conditioning and generation • Manners vs obligation: kindness without transaction • Some men now demand trades for gestures—criticized • Example: fake "submissive ex" video to sway viewers • Jealousy fueling resentment toward non-submissive partners • Submission vs genuine care distinguished • Acts should come from love, not hierarchy • Mutual care ≠ loss of voice; submission does • Colette jokes her husband might prefer more "traditional" • 1950s domestic role bit (slippers, whiskey, pipe) • Do men secretly want traditional again? Depends • Global and personal preferences vary widely • Respect for independent, confident women who lead • Relationships should rest on choice and mutual respect • Nostalgia for the 1950s called unrealistic, media-made • Real mid-century marriages weren't TV fantasies • Grandfather's orphanage/WWII story: hardship breeds empathy • Past resilience vs today's victim mindsets in men's movements • Relief that Colette's appearance ended safely • Plug: The Cost of Quiet — preorder info • Contact: ColetteJaneFair.com; anonymous questions welcome • Like/subscribe; plan to tackle listener emails next episode ### **Where to Find the Show:** [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Mediocre-Time-p364156/) **Exclusive Content:** [Join BDM](https://tomanddan.com/registration) **Merch:** [Shop Tom & Dan](https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/)
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    45 mins
  • LTN 5 - Outdated Relationship Myths

    LTN 5 - Outdated Relationship Myths
    Oct 23 2025

    • Introduction of "Love Thy Neighbor" with Colette Fehr
    • Discussion of recording schedule and Twitch/YouTube streams
    • Breakdown of seven relationship myths and modern realities
    • Myth 1: Compromise often means mutual loss—prioritize listening and connection
    • 69% of problems are unsolvable; focus on empathy, not victory
    • Use 1–10 scale to gauge partner priorities and set boundaries
    • Avoid people-pleasing; long-term avoidance kills authenticity
    • Myth 2: Open communication doesn't mean oversharing—filter strong emotions
    • Clarity before honesty prevents resentment and defensiveness
    • Humor and tone matter when giving feedback
    • Myth 3: Small stuff matters—minor hurts build into resentment
    • Direct, quick talks prevent emotional weight from piling up
    • Most therapy deals with small misunderstandings, not huge fights
    • Learn forgiveness; most conflicts come from misread intentions
    • Practice kind assertiveness—voice needs calmly and clearly
    • Myth 4: Intimacy doesn't fade—it evolves through vulnerability
    • Fear of rejection blocks sexual honesty; share fantasies openly
    • Timing and tone make difficult talks easier
    • Address libido issues with curiosity, therapy, and health focus
    • Recognize differing sexual rhythms and emotional needs
    • Maintaining novelty strengthens long-term desire
    • Myth 5: Chores or money don't break couples—disconnection does
    • Appreciation and communication outweigh perfection
    • Myth 6: Speaking up isn't conflict—it's clarity
    • Myth 7: "Never go to bed angry" is false—cool off before resolving
    • Emotional regulation and rest improve repair conversations
    • Promotion of Fehr's book *The Cost of Quiet* (colettejanefehr.com)
    • Invite listeners to email questions and subscribe for new episodes

    ###

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    45 mins
  • LTN 4 - Navigating Breakups

    LTN 4 - Navigating Breakups
    Oct 16 2025
    • Introduction to Love Thy Neighbor and listener anonymity • Loveline-style approach to relationship advice • Divorce: emotional and financial toll, stigma, changing views • Hidden unhappiness in long marriages • Why people stay or leave relationships • Social media's impact on love, breakups, and jealousy • Deleting or keeping exes online; regret after erasing memories • Emotional recovery and boundaries with new partners • Growth through heartbreak and dating experience • Generational differences before social media • Keeping memories for children and history • Insecurity and jealousy over old photos • Attraction to emotionally intense partners • Insecurity and trauma behind jealousy • Communicating reassurance and setting boundaries • Humor about following exes or staying friends • Men vs women in post-breakup friendships • Breakups mirror grief and addiction withdrawal • Brain pain overlap: love loss and physical pain • Need for no contact and "starving the attachment" • Misleading social media images of exes' happiness • Healthy coping: self-focus, hobbies, support system • Negative coping: rebounds, substances, avoidance • All attachments heal with time and connection • Relationship addiction parallels substance abuse • Personal story: isolation from toxic partner • Learning from ignoring red flags, regret over choices • Should friends intervene in harmful relationships? • How to help: express care, respect, share concerns • Risks of judgment if couple reconciles • Listening over advice when friends struggle • Listener email: libido mismatch in marriage • Causes: stress, medication, trauma, poor communication • One-sided affection, avoidance of touch • Therapy access issues and long-term uncertainty • Common male-higher libido pattern • Start with honest talks about disconnection • Individual therapy helps but couples therapy better • Emotional reconnection boosts desire for many • Persistent mismatch may need other solutions • Women's desire often lower with age; explore intimacy variety • "Ways to cuddle" beyond sex; rebuild comfort • Cuddling linked to relationship satisfaction • Barriers: heat, bedding, menopause • Clarify touch doesn't always mean sex ("bristle effect") • Importance of nonsexual affection and lowered pressure • Humor about nonsexual touch confusion • Hormonal shifts and HRT improving libido • Testosterone's role in women's sexual well-being • Emotional intimacy key to lasting sexual health • Aging couples sustaining passion and connection • "Body count" topic and shifting language • Jealousy over partner's sexual past • Emotional maturity to separate past from present • Persistent double standards judging women • Younger generations less judgmental but stigma remains • Body count doesn't define worth or morality • Value of openness and health transparency • Honest STI testing, responsible dating culture • Infidelity experience shaping caution and honesty • Debate over privacy vs full disclosure • Acceptance that many don't know exact count • Reflection: honesty equals self-acceptance • Desire for unconditional love despite pasts • U.S. averages: women ~4–5, men ~6–7 partners • Surveys show exaggeration and underreporting • Cultural shame distorting sexual data • Past wild years unseen pre-social media • Misconceptions about others' sexual activity • Promotion of Colette Fehr's book The Cost of Quiet • Theme: tough talks build secure, lasting love • Reminder to email questions and subscribe ### **Social Media:** [Website](https://tomanddan.com/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive) | [Facebook](https://facebook.com/amediocretime) | [Instagram](https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive) **Where to Find the Show:** [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Mediocre-Time-p364156/) **The Tom & Dan Radio Show on Real Radio 104.1:** [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Corporate-Time-p1038501/) **Exclusive Content:** [Join BDM](https://tomanddan.com/registration) **Merch:** [Shop Tom & Dan](https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/)
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    44 mins
  • LTN 3 - Accepting Jealousy Without Control

    LTN 3 - Accepting Jealousy Without Control
    Oct 9 2025

    • Introduction of "Love Thy Neighbor" with therapist Colette Fehr
    • Welcome new listeners and mention high podcast ranking
    • Hosts called "teenage boys" for humor and immaturity
    • Men maintaining adolescent humor
    • Humor as coping mechanism and healthy outlet
    • Colette's husband's immature fraternity text thread
    • Male vs. female friendship communication
    • Women maturing faster than men
    • Relationship strain from maturity gaps
    • Midlife women feeling disconnected
    • "Six second kiss" relationship exercise
    • Dan performing kiss with his wife before daughter
    • Oxytocin and affection modeling for kids
    • Teaching children healthy relationship behavior
    • Transition to jealousy in relationships
    • Reddit story: man jealous of wife's galas with rich colleague
    • Wife transparent, husband insecure
    • Managing jealousy through communication
    • Jealousy triggered by wealth and attraction
    • Husband allows outing with boundaries and tracking
    • Clarifying jealousy vs. envy
    • Jealousy as natural nervous-system response
    • Some view mild jealousy as caring
    • Distinction between jealousy and control
    • Trust and openness as antidotes
    • Example of coworker emotional boundary issue
    • Playful jealousy as reassurance
    • Jealousy not proof of love
    • Personality and trauma shape jealousy
    • Irrational jealousy from dreams or imagination
    • Dismissing partners as "crazy" worsens conflict
    • Therapy reframing jealousy
    • Men's distrust of other men's motives
    • Debate on male-female platonic friendship
    • Communicating boundaries early
    • Cheating history affecting trust
    • Accepting jealousy without control
    • Listener email about couples without shared language
    • Curiosity about cross-language relationships
    • Soldiers marrying foreign partners
    • Nonverbal connection through emotion
    • Fewer words simplifying communication
    • Arranged marriages lasting longer
    • Debate: compatibility vs. effort
    • Religious and cultural pressure to stay married
    • Idea of renewing marriage licenses every five years
    • Humor about forgetting to renew
    • Renewal promoting effort and reflection
    • Native American flexible marriage traditions
    • Balancing commitment with self-respect
    • Therapy helping decisions to stay or leave
    • More men entering therapy
    • Workplace friendships and power dynamics
    • Ethical issues in boss-employee relationships
    • Difficulty setting workplace boundaries
    • Hard to assert yourself to a boss
    • Toxic workplace mirroring romantic issues
    • Balancing kindness and accountability
    • Discomfort addressing workplace problems
    • Need for professionalism and emotional awareness
    • Tracy's Halloween gift baskets as light humor
    • Emotion and business intertwined
    • Aggressive vs. empathetic attorney marketing
    • Personality differences shaping response
    • Colette's "Insights from the Couch" podcast
    • Upcoming book The Cost of Quiet
    • Contact through LoveThyNeighborShow.com and voicemail
    • Closing remarks and tease for next episode

    ###

    **Social Media:**
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    43 mins
  • LTN 2 - No Perfect Relationships?

    LTN 2 - No Perfect Relationships?
    Oct 2 2025

    • Introduction of Love Thy Neighbor as a relationship-focused show with hosts Colette Fehr, Daniel Dennis, Tom Vann
    • Early success: ranked #141 worldwide in relationship podcasts, airing on Real Radio 104.1 with affiliate expansion plans
    • Key truth: no perfect relationships; flaws, wounds, unrealistic ideals exist
    • Every relationship can improve, though not all marriages; toxic or abusive ones should end
    • Examples of divorced couples maintaining healthy or even friendly ties, often for children's sake
    • Self-reflection and personal responsibility as crucial for improvement
    • Awkwardness of exes with new partners, but maturity can turn it positive
    • Emotional extremes in love and hate, managing reactions with tools like the 90-second rule
    • Celebrity focus: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban divorce after 19 years
    • Backlash unfairly blaming Nicole's career; double standards in divorce narratives
    • Challenges of Hollywood marriages: distance, infidelity risk, media pressure
    • Justin and Hailey Bieber facing false divorce rumors shows impact of speculation
    • Concept of "divorce contagion" where breakups unsettle others' relationships
    • Public scrutiny of celebrity infidelity vs ordinary people's limited chances
    • Infidelity trends shifting, more women involved; workplace common site for affairs
    • Listener voicemail: wife worries about retiring early, depending on husband's income
    • Concerns about medical costs, loss of independence, fear of resentment
    • Hosts stress clarifying husband's real feelings, suggest passion projects or part-time work
    • Therapy may help adjust mindset; alimony offers safety if divorce occurs
    • Discussion of mental load in relationships beyond chores
    • Homework: six-second kiss felt awkward but builds intimacy and bonding
    • Therapy insights: most problems unsolvable, focus on how couples handle them
    • Self-work over blaming partner; shaming is counterproductive
    • Promotion of Colette's book The Cost of Quiet, releasing on her 52nd birthday, pre-order online
    • Colette's podcast Insights from the Couch covers midlife issues with guests like Dr. Nadine Macaluso
    • Encouragement for listeners to leave reviews and ratings
    • Invitation for audience questions via email or T&D app voicemail
    • Reminder: more content available on A Mediocre Time with Tom and Dan

    ###

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    42 mins
  • LTN 1 - Why Couples Stop Talking!

    LTN 1 - Why Couples Stop Talking!
    Sep 26 2025
    • Launch of "Love Thy Neighbor" with therapist Colette Fehr • Colette's TEDx talk on relationships (April 3) and 13 years of experience • Her first marriage as "surface perfection" (family, labs, SUVs, picket fence) but emotionally empty • Husband's disengagement, loneliness, and realization of controllable vs. uncontrollable factors • Conflict avoidance as central issue; fear of arguments; lack of modeled healthy resolution at home • Growing up in "suffer in silence" or emotionally closed households • Comfort discussing with colleagues vs. difficulty with spouses due to higher stakes • Acting despite fear as her first principle; few families openly model conflict • Breaking intergenerational anger patterns and temper issues • Avoidance behaviors and male fear of losing intimacy after anger • Band-Aid analogy: ignoring wounds vs. addressing issues • Male tendency to equate sex with connection; women needing connection before sex • Misinterpretations fueling breakdowns; frustration over vague requests • Desire for clear, task-oriented path to intimacy; comparison to instructional videos • Wizard of Oz ruby slippers metaphor: solutions are within • Conflict as surprising but powerful way to connect • Sharing fears builds closeness; vulnerability as risky but vital • Reframing conflict talk as "magic trick" for connection • Emotions as signals: sadness = loss, anger = need for change • Facing conflict repeatedly reduces fear; positive reinforcement when met with care • Disconnection signs: neglecting kisses goodnight, passing interactions, deprioritizing spouse • Long-married regret at silence; lighthouse metaphor for ignored warnings • Connection misunderstood until laughter or joy appears, but disconnection returns easily • Emotional vs. logical partner dynamics; "double Tom" (logic) vs. "double Dan" (emotion) struggles • Pursuer–withdrawer pattern: one chases, one retreats; substances as withdrawal metaphor • Therapy works within temperament, not personality change • Joking, dismissing, or passive-aggression block openness • Three key skills: act despite fear, be vulnerable, be assertive • Assertiveness ≠ aggression; contrast with passive and passive-aggressive styles • Humor as defense derailing intimacy; discomfort as barrier to openness • Feeling "seen and heard" as core unit of connection • Vulnerable moments often cut short when intensity feels overwhelming • Date nights valuable only if genuine, not superficial • Show up like first date: engaged, curious, listening, no phones • Curiosity fades over time; partners must ask deeper, specific, open-ended questions • Parenting tips (like "new dad" texts) adapted for spouse conversations • Starter prompts when partner seems uninteresting ("what's on your mind?") • Pretend partner is fascinating to rekindle interest • Overcoming sense new habits are fake; effort itself is authenticity • "I love you but not in love" cliché explained by loss of limerence vs. deeper fear • Limerence as neurochemical high (6–36 months); sustaining love requires practice • Social media myths fuel distorted comparisons • Homework: two 6-second kisses and one 20-second hug daily to boost bonding chemistry • Add 10–20 minutes of cuddling; touch prevents "roommate mode" • Non-sexual affection as glue; even robotic rituals build bonding chemistry • Skin-to-skin like newborn bonding; daily 20 minutes of touch and conversation • Sit together without phones; acknowledge awkwardness; talk authentically • Reminder: people often ask strangers more questions than spouses • Phones as top relationship killer • Promotion of Colette Fehr's upcoming book The Cost of Quiet (Feb 3 release) expanding on TEDx talk Secrets of a Couple's Therapist • Plan to revisit homework and connection progress in next episode • Wrap-up of first "Love Thy Neighbor" and preview of future topics ### **Social Media:** [Website](https://tomanddan.com/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive) | [Facebook](https://facebook.com/amediocretime) | [Instagram](https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive) **Where to Find the Show:** [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Mediocre-Time-p364156/) **The Tom & Dan Radio Show on Real Radio 104.1:** [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990) | [Google Podcasts](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s) | [TuneIn](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Corporate-Time-p1038501/) **Exclusive Content:** [Join BDM](https://tomanddan.com/registration) **Merch:** [Shop Tom & Dan](https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/)
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    43 mins
  • LTN Show - Intro

    LTN Show - Intro
    Sep 21 2025

    Love Thy Neighbor is a straight-talk relationship show from Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and licensed therapist Colette J. Fehr - born the day Colette knocked on their door and they realized they were literal next-door neighbors. Together they bring 50 years of broadcasting (Dan 30, Tom 20) and 15 years of clinical counseling (Colette), plus real-life reps: Tom's 20-year marriage, Dan's 15-year marriage, and Colette's second, thriving chapter. Expect humor, empathy, and practical advice from both sides of the wall. New episodes every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.
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    7 mins