Send us a text here!

In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. Chairman Dan defends Beijing trip - “It’s in the national interest! Of China"
2. Rep Marjorie Taylor Greene tries flattery to get Files released - "Every American wants to read your biography, Mr President"
3. Trump scotches rumours - "I'm only dead on the inside"
4. And in sport Henry magically halves winnings at Morning Star Hotel!

Plus so much more of the week's hellscape:

• Ex NSW Premier Bob Carr defends own China visit - "It's not like I'm marching for Palestine next to some Hezbollah c*nt! (that's next week)"
• Azerbaijan/Armenia deny cheating with China - "Full 'Girlfriend Experience' is cash upfront. Til then we got d**tators to suck!"
• Kim Jong-Un renames rogue state 'North By Northwest Korea' - "'Psycho' was too on the nose"
• Iran protests China trip - "Not even one synagogue to firebomb"
• Usha Vance dream Inauguration Day if hubby ever steps up - "Open top drive through Dallas then show at Ford Theater"
• Trump clarifies claim garbage bags out White House window were AI - "AI's the one where we destroy evidence I'm a huge paedo, right?"
• Rudy Giuliani on Presidential Medal of Freedom - "I'm assured this doesn't foreclose Presidential Medal for Most Handjobs in a Roadside Motel"
• RFK Jr on antidepressant/school shooting link - "Nothing in my own life experience says guns are America's real problem"
• Democratic Republic of Congo / Republic of Congo peacetalks fail over which Pres plays Running Bear, Little White Dove in closing talent show - "I hoped music would calm this raging river" says UN's Johnny Preston
• Billy Joel dismisses 'Piano Man' gay bar origin story - "'Uptown Girls' was just a nice place to meet a Stranger if you were in a New York State of Mind"
• Bluey hot dad dog scandal deepens as leaked Files suggest Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell recruited kid dog Bingo from private pound at Mar a Lago
• Hulk Hogan on Instant Experts voicemail - "Whole thing sounds fake and predetermined to me, brother"
• Honk on Henry tipping comp fail: “Obviously the Collingwood C*ckpiercings were gonna beat the Adelaide Body Barrels! Next time call an expert!”

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk and Henry Lee. (Dan Andrews delayed by snap lockdown. "Just 6 more years, Melb")

Saying hi? Email: gday@instantexperts.com.au

Or Leave Us a Voicemail to play on the show right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au

Complaints: nothingtoseehere@oldrapos.whitehouse.gov

Produced, mixed, compiled, edited by Junior

Additional editing by Dyson Hairdryer that set fire to Honk laptop

Digital design & Social media by Guantanamo Babe (unless on Venezuela speedboat, arrival time still TBA)

Instant Experts Live in North South West East Northamptonshire onsale soon!

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Send us a text here!

In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. Taylor & Travis: So Happy! - Every other longtime BF on earth: so f*cked!
2. Aussie PM boots Iran Ambassador over local terror attacks - 'I knew he was trouble when he walked in!'
3. Anti-Hero Vice Prostate BJ Vance tells Ukraine, Crimea - 'You are never ever getting back together!'
4. Plus, a Cruel Summer for Wests Tigers fans as team bombs finals chances again - 'We remember this all too well!'

And so much more of the week's psychosis (are you ready for it?):

• Texas Republican Gov Greg Abbott unconcerned new gerrymander creates 10 Dem House Seats - 'I'll drown those voters too!'
• Texas Attorney-General Ken Paxton not hurt by new Sen John Cornyn Attack Ad - 'It's no King Size Bitch Fist with add-on barbed wire nozzle (sadly)'
• Travis pre-nup request has Taylor in tears - 'OMG, it's so cute!'
• Champagne Problems as Henry struggles to pronounce ‘Rheims’ and Agent Tracy corrects him in her third language
• Trump fires US Federal Reserve Governor on grounds her mortgage fraud not big enough - 'Next time try Trumpcoin, Shaniqua!'
• US Center for Disease Control Head fired by RFK Jr forgives his anti-vaxx stance - 'God bless him, there's still no cure for being a c*nt!’
• Travis/Tay Tay bliss reminds Ghislaine Maxwell of Epstein’s failure to propose - 'Is that all I am to you, Jeffrey? Just a serial child co-rapist?'
• ANZ Bank forgets to tell staff they’re fired - customers Forgets That ANZ Existed!
• Aussie mining legend Gerry Mooney wishes Taylor & Travis 'all the f**ken happiness them c*nts deserve an' I'm not talkin' bullsh*t but f**ken reality!'
• Aus football codes explained! - Rugby League: 15 years, no parole; AFL: 1 year ban, team transfer; Rugby Union: no charge, bang/film drunk girl to celebrate

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news explained by idiots - The Honk, Henry Lee and, in a shock debut, Inner West Mooj! - 'Ahhh, Henry…check your Alligator F*ckhouse!'

Saying hi? Email: gday@instantexperts.com.au

Or Leave Us a Voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au

All complaints to: iranianambassador@antarctica.gov.aq

Produce, mix, compile, edit: Junior (Curly Lewis guys burned down wrong studio)

Additional editing by: Social media expert needed URGENTLY to scrub photos of me at ‘Honkys for Palestine’ march next to Iran agent with Hezbollah poster HELP!!!

Digital design/social media: Guantanamo Babe, unless she's been sent to Uganda

“Townsville” Henry Lee is dressed by the STASI, Confederacy of United States and Tulsi Gabbard, and only drinks champagne from REAAAAHHHHMMMMSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!, France (or Cairrrnnss, FNQ)

Catch The Honk as 'Laurie Nicholls the Mystery Cat' in Sondheim’s last musical “Assassins at Leichhardt” (as always, it ends badly)

Listen to us anywhere! https://linktr.ee/instantexpertspodcast

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Follow us on Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@instantexpertspodcast

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Send us a text here!

In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. Trump leaves Alaska empty-handed - ARE HIS HANDS JUST TOO TINY?
2. Ghislaine Maxwell on Epstein: “There's nothing to see here” - AND WHO COULD DOUBT A SEX TRAFFICKER?
3. California Gov. Gavin Newsom Trumps Trump in Trumpanese - ALL HIS TROLLING IN UPPERCASE & EXCLAMATION MARKS IS SO UN-PRESIDENTIAL!!!
4. Plus, once in our lifetime, Wests Tigers CANNOT WIN THE WOODEN SPOON!

And so much more of the week that dragged us back from hiatus:

• Putin, Donald, Jeffrey, Jizzlane - all honoured in our first Welcome to C*ntry!
• Zelenskyy's Oval Office Thank You Gift - coming via one way drone!
• Journo Michael Wolff's Epstein/Trump Polaroids - even The Honk threw up!
• Texas Gov. Greg Abbott helps Republicans steal Congress - 'negligent homicide of little girls on summer camp is so last season!'
• Aussie Reserve Bank's massive sudden rate cut - 'you have any idea how much we owe these f*cking reno builders?!'
• Tasmanian ex-Labor leader moves huge motion in Parliament - 'do *not* eat at that new Indian place!'
• Morning Star Hotel AFL Tipping Comp leader Craig Treloar - moustachioed blonde 6'10"er suspiciously hard to reach since death of Hulk Hogan
• Mining great Gerry Noonan on Instant Experts - 'Henry Lee's alright but that Honk's a straight-up f*ckknuckle!'
• 80s hair metal greats Warrant - 'please stop asking us to sign your cherry pie, we're here to enjoy the Tiges, hopefully sell some battered savs, alright?'

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news explained by idiots - The Honk and Henry Lee (Aussie Treasurer Jim Chalmers radically underbudgeted cost of Uber)

Saying hi? Email: gday@instantexperts.com.au

Or Leave Us a Voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au

Just like Trin did! THANKS TRIN!

All complaints to: dean@winterofourdiscontent.tas.gov.au

Produced, mixed, compiled and edited by Junior

Additional editing by guy counting ballots, certain Texas House seats, 2026 (Scooter ain't speak no Spanish, neither no jive, you read that pardner?)

Digital design & social media by Guantanamo Babe

The Honk prefers Maison Whitesnake Champagne (to own urine).

Henry Lee's appearance at the Mead Tent, Leichhardt Oval, arranged exclusively by Benedict Arnold, Head of PR, North Queensland Cowboys.

Listen to us anywhere! https://linktr.ee/instantexpertspodcast

Sign up for news! https://www.instantexperts.com.au

Follow us on X - don’t tell Elon!: https://x.com/instantexpertsx?s=21&t=YN4hCwCCP5pK0y2nNGRAyA

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/instantexperts

Follow us on Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@instantexpertspodcast

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