Change isn’t hard because you’re weak; it’s hard because it rewires how you survive. We open up about the messy middle of recovery after sexual betrayal and infidelity, where deep ruts—neural and emotional—fight to keep things the same. Together we unpack why willpower alone fails, how dopamine trains the brain to cling to secrecy and validation, and why early sobriety can feel painfully flat compared to the highs of acting out. Naming the biology clears shame and gives us a plan.

We also draw a firm, necessary line around encouragement. Contrast changes people more than conflict, but timing is everything. Encouragement can pull a willing partner toward risk and growth only when honesty and safety are present. If blame, defensiveness, or deceit continue, the betrayed spouse is in the ICU; their job is not to inspire the person who hurt them. We lay out a simple intimacy pyramid—honesty, safety, trust, vulnerability, intimacy—that keeps recovery grounded. Expecting closeness without the base is a setup for more pain.

From there, we share five non‑negotiables that make change stick: daily recovery work, rigorous honesty that kills secrecy, trauma healing for the roots beneath behavior, building a new identity in sobriety with words and actions, and radical acceptance that your spouse may never trust you again—and recovery must stand regardless. We also talk through real-life moments where small, sincere actions soften hard soil, and when boundaries or separation are the most loving choice. We pray you’ll leave with clarity, hope anchored to practice, and next steps you can start today.

If this helped, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Ready for support? Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com and tell us what you want us to tackle next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion.

What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the parlor” of family secrets to church myths about divorce, we unpack how bias, fear, and shame create a reality distortion that blocks healing and keeps couples locked in patterns that feel holy but harm the heart.

Together, we name how FBS shows up in marriages hit by sexual addiction and infidelity: apologies without change, entitlement around sex, and the belief that keeping the peace means burying the truth. We contrast enabling with love, and we talk about the real work of repair—honesty, humility, boundaries, and accountability. You’ll hear raw reflections on fear’s grip, why “you don’t know what you don’t know” becomes a shield, and how head‑on collisions with reality—though painful—often expose the lies we’ve been living under.

If you need a compass, we offer three simple questions to test your thinking: What evidence supports this belief? Am I confusing a thought with a fact? Do I know for certain the worst will happen? We also revisit a grounding principle: mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs. Whether you’re the betrayed or the betraying partner, expect practical language, honest tension, and a call to redefine peace as the presence of truth, humility, and accountability. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs clarity, and leave a review telling us which belief you’re ready to challenge next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

“When you choose you, you lose me” is a hard sentence to hear—and a necessary one to explore. We unpack how selfish patterns, secrecy, and transactional bargains corrode love after betrayal, and why safety-focused boundaries are not punishment but the first scaffolding of repair. From raw personal stories to faith-grounded principles, we trace the slow work of rebuilding trust day by day, drop by drop.

We dig into the difference between self-care and self-centeredness, especially in the wake of sexual addiction or infidelity. The betrayed partner needs protective space; the betraying partner often misreads that space as rejection and withdraws. We reframe boundaries as signals for safety, not walls for distance. Then we get practical: how to replace defensiveness with curiosity, how to offer empathy without centering yourself, and how to establish predictable accountability that lowers anxiety and stops the cycle of wound, promise, repeat.

You’ll hear a vivid metaphor for change—plowing fallow ground. Trust won’t grow in hardened soil. It takes repeated passes: honest disclosure, consistent transparency, and small daily acts that demonstrate care without keeping score. We also face a hard truth about timelines: the distance into deception often equals the distance out. Slower is safer, because slower sticks. Action proves love, consistency proves trust, and change proves sorry.

If you’re navigating betrayal trauma or working to rebuild after breaking trust, this conversation offers clarity, language, and next steps. Tap into group support and trauma-informed coaching, align your actions with your values, and practice empathy that heals rather than explains. Subscribe, share with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review with one takeaway you’ll put into practice this week.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

A single sentence—“When you choose you, you lose me”—can crack open the truth about why relationships crumble after betrayal. We take you inside that reality with a candid look at selfishness versus self-care, what safety actually feels like in the body, and how boundaries function as bridges instead of walls. From the first minute, we name the hard parts: gaslighting that reframes feelings as attacks, entitlement that calls harm “fairness,” and the slow burn of repeated deception that turns homes into places where nervous systems never rest.

You’ll hear why accountability starts where defensiveness ends, and how “sorry” changes shape when trust needs proof, not poetry. We pull from relationship research and lived experience to outline practices that work in the real world: clear boundaries that protect dignity, empathy that holds pain without correction, and routines that remove secrecy from daily life. We talk about the trap of tit for tat thinking, the power of saying what is true before it is comfortable, and the reason unresolved issues don’t disappear—they stack up until someone says stop. Faith meets psychology through a simple call from Zechariah: tell the truth, don’t scheme, and work for peace.

If you’ve wondered whether stepping back is unloving, you’ll find language for healthy detachment that creates space for real change. If you’re the partner seeking repair, you’ll learn how to listen to understand, respect boundaries as acts of love, and sit with pain without dismissing it as punishment. And if your gut has been your only compass, we’ll help you trust it while you build a plan that turns intention into consistent action. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs clarity and courage, and leave a review with the one boundary that helped you breathe again.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Kim and John wrap up Season 1 by reflecting on their personal and relational growth through recovery from sexual addiction and infidelity. They explore how significant life changes—like Kim's 50-pound weight loss journey—mirror the emotional healing process that requires patience, consistency, and professional help.

• Kim shares her longing for "safety, peace, stability, and consistency" after years in survival mode
• John discusses learning to lead with love and stability despite his own woundedness and past failures
• The metaphor of John's broken foot illustrates how physical and emotional healing both take longer than expected
• Discussion of trauma anniversaries and how "the body keeps the score" even when the mind wants to move forward
• Kim expresses her desire for "newness, not restoration" in their relationship
• Exploration of how men set the tone in relationships and how women respond to feeling safe and cherished
• Acknowledgment that healing requires facing problems honestly rather than avoiding them

Join us for Season 2 where we'll continue peeling back layers of healing from betrayal trauma. Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com to share your stories and topic suggestions.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Forgiveness after betrayal isn't simply about saying "sorry"—it demands fundamental change that many struggling couples never achieve. This raw, unfiltered conversation pulls back the curtain on what true reconciliation requires after sexual betrayal tears a relationship apart.

Kim introduces a powerful concept that cuts through empty apologies: "Sorry stops." Genuine repentance means the harmful behavior completely ends, not just gets temporarily paused or hidden better. For betrayed spouses, recognizing true remorse means watching for subtle signs—facial expressions, attitudes, and the absence of blame—that reveal whether their partner has truly changed or is merely performing remorse.

The discussion takes a brutally honest turn when Kim raises the question many betrayed spouses silently ask themselves: "What benefit are you to me?" This seemingly harsh inquiry exposes the legitimate calculus every hurt partner must make—is staying in this relationship bringing healing or further harm? John's struggle to respond emotionally rather than logically to this question perfectly illustrates the communication barriers that make reconciliation so challenging.

Throughout the episode, the hosts' own ongoing journey becomes a real-time demonstration of both the possibility and difficulty of healing. Their vulnerable exchanges—sometimes tense, sometimes tender—show why rebuilding trust requires "provable behavior over time" and why emotional intelligence is so crucial to the process.

For anyone walking the painful path of recovery after betrayal, this conversation offers both validation and practical wisdom: establish healthy boundaries that protect without attempting to control; pursue individual healing regardless of your partner's choices; and understand that successful reconciliation doesn't mean rebuilding what was—it means creating something entirely new from the broken pieces.

Ready to dive deeper into your healing journey? Connect with us at hurtmeetshealer.com and discover resources designed specifically for those navigating the aftermath of betrayal.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Navigating the treacherous waters of forgiveness after intimate betrayal requires more than just hearing "I'm sorry." In this second installment of our forgiveness series, we dive deep into what true forgiveness looks like when trust has been shattered.

Using a powerful analogy of John's recent foot injury, we explore how emotional wounds, like physical ones, cannot heal properly when ignored or covered up. Just as his injured toe required examination, cleaning, and proper treatment, the pain of betrayal demands acknowledgment and care—not a quick bandage of forced forgiveness.

"Forgive and forget" might be the most damaging advice given to betrayed spouses. We challenge this notion head-on, distinguishing between genuine forgiveness and toxic expectations that rush the healing process. Kim speaks directly to betrayed spouses feeling pressured to "just get over it," offering permission to heal on their own timeline and validation that their boundaries are not only appropriate but necessary.

The conversation takes several revealing turns as we navigate our own ongoing healing journey, demonstrating in real-time the challenges of discussing forgiveness while still working through pain. Our unfiltered dialogue reveals both the progress we've made and the work that remains—a testament to forgiveness being a process rather than a one-time event.

Perhaps most importantly, we clarify that forgiveness doesn't automatically restore trust or eliminate consequences. Trust must be earned separately through consistent, trustworthy behavior over time. Healthy boundaries aren't punishment; they're essential protection during healing.

Whether you're the betrayed or betraying spouse, this episode offers practical steps toward meaningful forgiveness that honors the reality of the hurt while creating space for genuine healing. Join us as we walk this difficult but ultimately liberating path toward freedom from resentment without sacrificing truth.

Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com for resources, support groups, and coaching to help guide your healing journey.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

What does genuine forgiveness actually look like when you've been deeply wounded? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, we tackle the misconception that forgiveness simply means saying "I'm sorry" and moving on. Instead, we explore the painful, messy reality of what true forgiveness demands.

The journey begins with debunking common myths - most notably that "forgive and forget" appears nowhere in scripture. Biblical forgiveness involves cancelling a debt, not developing amnesia about what happened. This process costs us something significant: our right to justice or revenge. We discuss how forgiveness becomes especially challenging when offenses are repeated or when betrayal trauma is involved.

Our conversation gets uncomfortable as we navigate our own ongoing struggles with forgiveness. We share how resentment builds when hurts remain unaddressed, how boundaries protect us while we work on forgiveness, and why simply knowing the right approach doesn't make implementation any easier. The theoretical understanding of forgiveness collides with the practical reality of living it out daily.

For those struggling with forgiveness, we offer practical steps: acknowledging resentment, journaling to process emotions, understanding triggers, developing compassion (however difficult), focusing on the present, and seeking qualified support. We emphasize that forgiveness doesn't mean tolerating continued harmful behavior - boundaries remain essential.

The most profound insight may be that unresolved pain requires attention. When certain hurts continue resurfacing, they're signaling unhealed wounds that need addressing. For couples healing from betrayal, this often means creating space for honest conversation where the hurt person feels truly seen and understood.

Whether you're struggling to forgive someone else or yourself, this episode offers both compassionate understanding of how difficult the process can be and practical guidance for moving forward. Connect with us at hurtmeetshealer.com for resources to support your healing journey.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.