Change isn’t hard because you’re weak; it’s hard because it rewires how you survive. We open up about the messy middle of recovery after sexual betrayal and infidelity, where deep ruts—neural and emotional—fight to keep things the same. Together we unpack why willpower alone fails, how dopamine trains the brain to cling to secrecy and validation, and why early sobriety can feel painfully flat compared to the highs of acting out. Naming the biology clears shame and gives us a plan.

We also draw a firm, necessary line around encouragement. Contrast changes people more than conflict, but timing is everything. Encouragement can pull a willing partner toward risk and growth only when honesty and safety are present. If blame, defensiveness, or deceit continue, the betrayed spouse is in the ICU; their job is not to inspire the person who hurt them. We lay out a simple intimacy pyramid—honesty, safety, trust, vulnerability, intimacy—that keeps recovery grounded. Expecting closeness without the base is a setup for more pain.

From there, we share five non‑negotiables that make change stick: daily recovery work, rigorous honesty that kills secrecy, trauma healing for the roots beneath behavior, building a new identity in sobriety with words and actions, and radical acceptance that your spouse may never trust you again—and recovery must stand regardless. We also talk through real-life moments where small, sincere actions soften hard soil, and when boundaries or separation are the most loving choice. We pray you’ll leave with clarity, hope anchored to practice, and next steps you can start today.

If this helped, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Ready for support? Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com and tell us what you want us to tackle next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion.

What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the parlor” of family secrets to church myths about divorce, we unpack how bias, fear, and shame create a reality distortion that blocks healing and keeps couples locked in patterns that feel holy but harm the heart.

Together, we name how FBS shows up in marriages hit by sexual addiction and infidelity: apologies without change, entitlement around sex, and the belief that keeping the peace means burying the truth. We contrast enabling with love, and we talk about the real work of repair—honesty, humility, boundaries, and accountability. You’ll hear raw reflections on fear’s grip, why “you don’t know what you don’t know” becomes a shield, and how head‑on collisions with reality—though painful—often expose the lies we’ve been living under.

If you need a compass, we offer three simple questions to test your thinking: What evidence supports this belief? Am I confusing a thought with a fact? Do I know for certain the worst will happen? We also revisit a grounding principle: mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs. Whether you’re the betrayed or the betraying partner, expect practical language, honest tension, and a call to redefine peace as the presence of truth, humility, and accountability. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs clarity, and leave a review telling us which belief you’re ready to challenge next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

“When you choose you, you lose me” is a hard sentence to hear—and a necessary one to explore. We unpack how selfish patterns, secrecy, and transactional bargains corrode love after betrayal, and why safety-focused boundaries are not punishment but the first scaffolding of repair. From raw personal stories to faith-grounded principles, we trace the slow work of rebuilding trust day by day, drop by drop.

We dig into the difference between self-care and self-centeredness, especially in the wake of sexual addiction or infidelity. The betrayed partner needs protective space; the betraying partner often misreads that space as rejection and withdraws. We reframe boundaries as signals for safety, not walls for distance. Then we get practical: how to replace defensiveness with curiosity, how to offer empathy without centering yourself, and how to establish predictable accountability that lowers anxiety and stops the cycle of wound, promise, repeat.

You’ll hear a vivid metaphor for change—plowing fallow ground. Trust won’t grow in hardened soil. It takes repeated passes: honest disclosure, consistent transparency, and small daily acts that demonstrate care without keeping score. We also face a hard truth about timelines: the distance into deception often equals the distance out. Slower is safer, because slower sticks. Action proves love, consistency proves trust, and change proves sorry.

If you’re navigating betrayal trauma or working to rebuild after breaking trust, this conversation offers clarity, language, and next steps. Tap into group support and trauma-informed coaching, align your actions with your values, and practice empathy that heals rather than explains. Subscribe, share with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review with one takeaway you’ll put into practice this week.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.