I Stopped Acting Out… So Why Do I Still Act Like a Jerk? (The Arrogance Trap in Recovery)

Sobriety stops the behavior, but does it actually make your partner feel safe? We go straight at the hard stuff: why pride can feel like progress, how “ego doping” keeps the reward system hooked, and what real humility looks like when the acting out ends but healing hasn’t begun. Kim and John unpack the difference between dry sobriety and meaningful recovery, naming the subtle dynamics that quietly wreck trust—minimizing, spiritual bypassing, scorekeeping, and defending intentions instead of owning impact.

We don’t stay theoretical. You’ll hear a practical path forward: a handwritten daily inventory that targets selfishness, fear, and dishonesty; direct amends for recovery behaviors like impatience and stonewalling; and a weekly ritual where you ask, “Where was I arrogant or insensitive this week?” and listen without defending. We talk about practicing being wrong on purpose, saying “I don’t know,” and building a support circle that tells you the truth instead of nodding along. You’ll also hear an anchoring question that reshapes the entire journey: if you stayed exactly as unhealed and proud as you are today, even while staying sober, would your partner feel safe and loved?

Rooted in faith and real-world recovery work, this conversation blends scripture’s call to humility with trauma-aware repair skills couples can use right away. Expect candor, tension, and hope as we map how humility becomes the engine of change—replacing ego with empathy and making room for trust to grow back. If you’re ready to trade pride for peace and sobriety for safety, press play and take the next honest step with us.

If this resonated, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your story could be the hope someone else is searching for.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

Change isn’t hard because you’re weak; it’s hard because it rewires how you survive. We open up about the messy middle of recovery after sexual betrayal and infidelity, where deep ruts—neural and emotional—fight to keep things the same. Together we unpack why willpower alone fails, how dopamine trains the brain to cling to secrecy and validation, and why early sobriety can feel painfully flat compared to the highs of acting out. Naming the biology clears shame and gives us a plan.

We also draw a firm, necessary line around encouragement. Contrast changes people more than conflict, but timing is everything. Encouragement can pull a willing partner toward risk and growth only when honesty and safety are present. If blame, defensiveness, or deceit continue, the betrayed spouse is in the ICU; their job is not to inspire the person who hurt them. We lay out a simple intimacy pyramid—honesty, safety, trust, vulnerability, intimacy—that keeps recovery grounded. Expecting closeness without the base is a setup for more pain.

From there, we share five non‑negotiables that make change stick: daily recovery work, rigorous honesty that kills secrecy, trauma healing for the roots beneath behavior, building a new identity in sobriety with words and actions, and radical acceptance that your spouse may never trust you again—and recovery must stand regardless. We also talk through real-life moments where small, sincere actions soften hard soil, and when boundaries or separation are the most loving choice. We pray you’ll leave with clarity, hope anchored to practice, and next steps you can start today.

If this helped, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Ready for support? Connect with us at www.hurtmeetshealer.com and tell us what you want us to tackle next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.

**Disclaimer: We discuss real issues about our relationship. This, at times, is raw, emotional, and extremely hard. Use caution and employ grounding techniques if you become triggered by this discussion.

What if the story you tell yourself about pain is the very thing keeping you in it? We go straight at faulty belief systems—those sticky, inherited, and often spiritualized narratives that shape how we interpret betrayal, minimize abuse, and call silence “peace.” From the “elephant in the parlor” of family secrets to church myths about divorce, we unpack how bias, fear, and shame create a reality distortion that blocks healing and keeps couples locked in patterns that feel holy but harm the heart.

Together, we name how FBS shows up in marriages hit by sexual addiction and infidelity: apologies without change, entitlement around sex, and the belief that keeping the peace means burying the truth. We contrast enabling with love, and we talk about the real work of repair—honesty, humility, boundaries, and accountability. You’ll hear raw reflections on fear’s grip, why “you don’t know what you don’t know” becomes a shield, and how head‑on collisions with reality—though painful—often expose the lies we’ve been living under.

If you need a compass, we offer three simple questions to test your thinking: What evidence supports this belief? Am I confusing a thought with a fact? Do I know for certain the worst will happen? We also revisit a grounding principle: mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs. Whether you’re the betrayed or the betraying partner, expect practical language, honest tension, and a call to redefine peace as the presence of truth, humility, and accountability. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs clarity, and leave a review telling us which belief you’re ready to challenge next.

Thank you for listening! For more information about us and the services we offer, visit www.hurtmeetshealer.com.

Intro & Outro music written, performed, and produced by Kim Capps.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, or professional advice. The views expressed by the Host or any Guest(s) are strictly their own and in no way constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
Copyright ©️ 2025, Hurt Meets Healer, LLC. All rights reserved.