Song of Prayer - chapt 2 part two, Forgiveness to Destroy.

The Nature of Forgiveness to Destroy: Soo Kim read a passage describing "Forgiveness to Destroy" as having many forms, serving as a weapon of the world of form, with the goal of separating and making unequal what God created as equal. This form of forgiveness can appear as a better person condescending to a baser one with an attitude of gracious lordliness, which is far from love. Jevon Perra summarized this as the ego seeing difference, while the Holy Spirit sees sameness, where one person recognizes another's "badness" but lets it slide from a perceived superior position.

Connection to Religious Practices: The discussion connected the concept of "Forgiveness to Destroy" to the practice of confession in Catholicism, which Jevon Perra suggested can be engaged on a high level by realizing the ego's actions are not one's own. Jevon Perra noted that the challenge is when individuals associate themselves with their negative actions, implying "I did the bad thing so I am bad". Soo Kim agreed with Jevon Perra's point that one can recognize the practice as part of a game, regardless of what others may be implying.

Generalizing Judgments and Seeking Sameness: Jevon Perra shared how past negative experiences led them to generalize hurt over groups like "church people" or "Catholics," and confirmed that holding an idea that anything outside of them is bad creates separation and suffering. The core assignment is sincerely finding the things that are the same between them and the "offender".

Individual vs. Institutional Blame: Soo Kim noted their tendency to focus on the institution or "the whole day" rather than the individual when assigning blame. Jevon Perra agreed that there is ultimately no "they" or institution that can hurt someone unless a person representing that institution does or says something, and the work must focus on recognizing sameness in the person.

Innocence and Human Dynamic: Jevon Perra used the example of their dog, Kobe, who sees only best friends and brings out the best in others, illustrating how the Holy Spirit only sees itself. They suggested preparing for the human dynamic by recognizing one’s own suffering and ways of dealing with the ego, which often leads to enrolling in organizations that make others bad so one can be in the "good" one. Jevon Perra concluded that judging is like the natural "fruit" of people, and everyone is making up their reality.

Grace and Forgiving the Offender: Jevon Perra asserted that people growing painful judgments are "stuck" unless they receive "grace from God" or the Holy Spirit helps them. They suggested having grace because the offender is "just a judgment growing thing" and is doing the same thing as the observer, allowing them to see the innocence of the true self.

Worship Music and Recontextualization: Jevon Perra noted that seeing others as innocent makes experiences like going to mass or listening to worship music less painful than before. They can now recontextualize worship as a positive reaching out to adore the creator, without associating it with the belief in something outside of themself that needs to save them.

Internal Conflict Over Principle: Soo Kim expressed difficulty in feeling what they want to do because they are used to thinking in terms of principles, such as honoring their mother and father by attending mass, which conflicts with their principle of standing for truth. Jevon Perra clarified that one can still adhere to broader principles, like choosing sameness over difference.

Protecting Beliefs and Suffering: Soo Kim described feeling the need to put on a "protective layer" in church to avoid being infected by the "poppycck" and reinforced the belief that the church enforces separation. Jevon Perra challenged this by asking who is making them suffer when they protect their separate identity and right idea of God.

The Illusion of Institutions: Jevon Perra and Soo Kim discussed the difficulty of not generalizing the church as "them" when the message is scripted and enforced, but Jevon Perra maintained that there is no "they" or system, only the self. Jevon Perra argued that suffering from external ideas, like people dying in Somalia, is one's own internal suffering from the idea, and feeling bad does not help.

Forgiveness as Seeing Innocence: Jevon Perra concluded that forgiveness is not about saying "I forgive you, you're still a piece of s\*\\*\*, but I'm gonna let it slide," but rather forgiving someone because they are innocent. The feeling of offense relies on the context being true—that the other person is an outsider doing irreparable bad—which leads to suffering, and "Forgiveness to Destroy" gives an excuse to destroy instead of love.

• finished verse seven in the "forgiveness of yourself" chapter, "Song of Psalms". start reading verse eight next
• Interpretation of Forgiveness and Society: Soo Kim shared that the concept of forgiveness was starting to "click" for them, noting that it felt like an "upside down world" compared to what they are taught by society. Jevon Perra agreed that the teaching is counterintuitive because society promotes the idea of a "special separate thing" that will find happiness in its separateness, which they identified as the source of suffering.
• The Nature of Personal Accomplishment: Jevon Perra discussed how personal accomplishment will not lead to ultimate happiness, citing this as a sad epiphany. They explained that the fun part is starting a new venture and the complete fantasy of success, as well as the ability to "completely lose myself" and forget their separate self in the activity.
• Separation and the Illusion of Self: Jevon Perra likened the effort to maintain separateness—which is the darkness, guilt, and separation—to running a "fog machine" that prevents them from seeing the truth. They referenced a show at Disneyland that projects an image onto a wall of mist, stating that the mist is essential to get lost and deceived in the image.
• Reading and Interpretation of Verse Nine and Ten: Soo Kim read verses nine and ten, which discuss that forgiveness is the key, but one must first find the door for which the key was made. The text states that the concept of "forgiveness to destroy" must be cleansed of its hateful goals and unveiled in its treachery before it can be let go, allowing learning to be complete.
• Defining "Forgiveness to Destroy": Jevon Perra defined "forgiveness to destroy" as forgiving someone while still viewing them as an offender or enemy. This practice keeps the separation alive, reinforcing the idea of a special, separate self with separate desires, leading to a zero-sum game where suffering persists.
• Achieving Acceptance and Moving Past Separation: Soo Kim suggested that acceptance, or "radical acceptance," is necessary to move past separateness, which involves recognizing that others are acting from a place of innocence. Jevon Perra questioned what "innocent" means in the context of bad behavior, and Soo Kim clarified that innocence refers to their essence, or the place where people are the same.
• Morality and the Lack of Inherent Meaning in Actions: Jevon Perra argued that morality sets up a world of polarity, where good and bad actions are defined by cultural context, suggesting that no action has inherent meaning. They asserted that morality is not an ultimate way to achieve happiness, though it can serve as a "good architecture" to build from and later be torn down, similar to developing the ego before one can overcome it.
• The Practice of Saying "I Am God": Jevon Perra mentioned using the mantra "I am God," noting that to speak this truth, one must be in the correct state, not operating from a separate, egoic perspective. They explained that this requires shifting from "spotlight vision"—which focuses on details and success/failure—to "flood light vision," which is peripheral and expanded.
• Personality and the Experience of Suffering: Jevon Perra described the personality as a program of reoccurring thoughts and beliefs that can be recoded, but which remains separate. They observed that when operating in the "spotlight" or laser version of awareness, they suffer, and freedom is instantly felt when they expand to the wide "flood light" perspective.

Discussion of Martial Arts Practice: Soo Kim inquired about Jevon Perra's martial arts practice, and Jevon Perra clarified that they used to practice Jiu-Jitsu but now practice a Tai Chi-type martial arts style, possibly combined with Aikido, called "push hands". Jevon Perra extended an invitation to Soo Kim to join their Sunday practice at Edison Park in Huntington at 8:00 a.m.

Analysis of Enneagram Type One Characteristics: Denise Darlene identified that Soo Kim's patterns, such as the fear of being judged, point to perfectionism rooted in the anxiety of not doing things "right". Jevon Perra and Denise Darlene confirmed Soo Kim's Enneagram type as a One, describing this type as the "critic" trapped in "right and wrong, black and white, good and bad," which makes Soo Kim's profession as an underwriter "perfect". The process of determining the Enneagram type was "arduous," as Soo Kim displayed the language of both a One and a Three (achievement-oriented), but the underlying "why" was stronger in the One.

The Concept of Freedom and Integration: The primary takeaway word for Soo Kim from the retreat was "freedom," specifically freedom *from* judgments and freedom *for* peace. Denise Darlene noted that integration for a One involves moving toward Seven, which manifests as becoming more playful and 35% less serious. Soo Kim, however, admitted to still being very serious and calculating when riding their bike in a group, worrying about being in the "exact perfect position," which Denise Darlene confirmed indicated that they were "not there yet" in terms of integration.

Retreat Capacity and Upcoming Schedule: Denise Darlene noted that the retreat was successful because Soo Kim received the necessary individual attention, stating that they would not have been able to go as deep if the other two expected attendees had come. They then clarified that the next repeat visitor is not coming until the 15th, giving a break from retreat work, but added that they still have other responsibilities like packing Cat’s house and helping a friend move. Denise Darlene prefers only one or two people per month for retreat work, noting that the mental engagement required is challenging.

**Starting the Chapter on Forgiveness in *A Song of Prayer***: The group decided to begin reading Chapter 2, "Forgiveness," from *A Song of Prayer* and, at Soo Kim's suggestion, started with the introduction, which they had read previously. The discussion began with the idea that forgiveness has been misunderstood and that guilt becomes a form of salvation for the ego because it sustains separation and suffering. Jevon Perra explained that the ego views forgiveness or love as something to avoid because it would disrupt separation.

Forgiveness to Destroy versus True Forgiveness: The reading and discussion defined "forgiveness to destroy" as the ego's version, which seeks out and judges errors while overlooking love. This version is equated with the traditional religious figure who requires penance and makes the recipient feel bad, using the idea of forgiveness for a "selfish gain". Denise Darlene explained that the ego believes unforgiveness keeps one safe by holding others captive, but this safety is an illusion because true safety is the "opposite of everything we are taught".

The Power of Defenselessness and Innocence: Jevon Perra discussed the "unstoppable power of defenselessness," clarifying that true defenselessness exists only when there is nothing to defend. This concept aligns with the idea that there is "nothing to forgive," as the wrongdoing "never happened," which is what true forgiveness entails. Denise Darlene pointed out that the difficulty in applying these concepts stems from being conditioned, and Soo Kim reflected that their natural, conditioned response is vigilance.

Forgiveness as a Self-Correction and Happy Illusion: Soo Kim read the passage stating that forgiveness is always for oneself, as one can only see their own sins in another, making the forgiveness of another an illusion. Denise Darlene applied this to Soo Kim's concerns, explaining that their fear of being judged is actually a reflection of their own judgments, and one cannot see others as innocent until they see their own innocence. Jevon Perra added that forgiveness operates by getting out of the ego's agenda, recognizing that the "offense" came from one's own projection device.

The Necessity of Asking for Christ's Vision: Soo Kim read that forgiveness truly given is the only hope for freedom, and Christ’s vision looks past error to see the Christ in you. Jevon Perra emphasized that prayer cannot be released to heaven while "forgiveness to destroy" (the egoic agenda) remains, noting that this "low residence" creates a stressful life and hinders communion. The solution is to ask for help from a greater source, as Denise Darlene highlighted, requiring only a "little bit of willingness to shift".

ACIM Song of Prayer

Reading and Interpretation of "Prayer is a way to true humility": Soo Kim read the passage on humility, which they noted brings peace because it removes the need to "rule the universe, nor judge all things". Jevon Perra reflected that their personal struggle often stems from judging things as they "shouldn't be" instead of accepting them as they are.

Humility and Laying Down of Judgment: Denise Darlene defined humility as the laying down of judgment, contrasting it with the ego's claim to "know everything" and the way things should be. Soo Kim observed that it is difficult to let go of the need to be right, especially if validation depended on it during childhood.

Suffering as a Choice and for Connection: Denise Darlene shared a personal experience where they recognized that they chose suffering, realizing it allowed them to connect with others and receive special treatment or attention. They were later able to lay down suffering when they could no longer find a "good reason to continue to suffer".

The Illusion of Future Accomplishment: Jevon Perra reflected that their suffering centers around preparing and accomplishing in the belief that it will lead to "enough". They had an insight that future accomplishment would ultimately feel the same as the present moment, realizing the suffering exists only because they believe they do not currently have what they need.

The Pain of Ending Struggle: Jevon Perra acknowledged that they enjoy the pursuit and accomplishment, which has become tied to their identity and sense of lovability. They noted that letting go of this struggle and suffering can also be painful while the old pattern is "dying," but freedom follows the "death of it".

Illusions and Humility Cannot Coexist: Soo Kim read that "Illusions and humility have goals so far apart they cannot coexist". Jevon Perra elaborated that illusions are created when attention is projected outward, making what has been projected seem real, which prevents the engagement of humility.

Humility as Power Under Constraint: Jevon Perra shared the definition of humility as "power under constraint," like a broken horse that is still powerful but controlled and safe. They related this to spiritual identity, where power comes from an eternal nature that already has everything and does not need to earn love.

Waking Up to Reality and the Shift in Focus: Jevon Perra used the analogy of mistaking a rope for a snake in the dark to illustrate that waking up means not buying into the illusion, even though the physical object remains. They noted that the normal human activity is to look for differences and cherish "specialness," which is tied to scarcity.

Scarcity Versus Abundance: Jevon Perra contrasted the world's value system, where scarcity equals value (like gold), with the godly things, where abundance and commonality lead to contentment. They proposed that the suffering created by separation and uniqueness dissolves when one recognizes the "God stuff" that makes up everyone.

Seeing Innocence in Others: Jevon Perra suggested that seeing an enemy as oneself, as another unique expression of God stuff, allows for the perception of innocence, even in figures like Hitler. This realization leads to the understanding that one "can't go without" anyone, as they are all part of the self.

The Story of Byron Katie and Oneness: Jevon Perra recounted the story of Byron Katie, who looked into the eyes of a man threatening them with a gun and loved them, seeing "sameness". Denise Darlene also shared a story about Katie after she was released from a facility, demonstrating a total lack of separation where she saw everything as one and was willing to give away her house.

Recommendation of Byron Katie's Work: Denise Darlene highly recommended listening to Byron Katie's audio book, *Loving What Is*. Jevon Perra mentioned that Katie's story involves an enlightening experience where they lost their separate identity and became one with everything, teaching others to "love reality".

The Conclusion of "The latter ends": Soo Kim read the concluding passage that states learning is no longer needed when one stands at the gate of heaven with their brother beside them, and time ends forever. Prayer is completed because the individual has recognized the Christ in themself.

Heaven and the Concept of Salvation: Denise Darlene reflected on the beauty of the conclusion, stating that heaven cannot exist without everyone present, challenging the religious idea that one could be happy in heaven while others are in hell. Jevon Perra noted the data is "mounting" that they do not know their own best interest.

My crazy is less painful when I watch and stay aware.