Holidazed

Back in 1979, when Solomon Zuch and Delphyne Shea were in high school, they shared an intense, romantic liaison on Halloween night. It became one of Solomon's most treasured memories. Twenty years later, Solomon is the married manager of the All Hallows' Eve Shoppe, a pop-up store that reopens every year to sell Halloween supplies to customers in north Columbus, Ohio. Delphyne Shadow, as she is now popularly known, calls herself the Madonna of the Underworld, and every year she hosts the most infamous Halloween party in town, the Nightmare Bash.

All Huck wants for Christmas is a revolution...and donuts. Vive la Revolution! The American Revolution began with the Boston Tea Party. If Huck Carp has anything to do about it, the next people’s revolution will begin in the drive-through of a sleepy donut shop in a working-class neighborhood of Columbus, Ohio. It started as a single random act of kindness when an early morning customer paid forward the next person’s order, and so did the next, and the next, and the streak had been going all day long.

Coon Creek, a conservative, industrial, blue-collar town, has seen better days. Golden Springs is home to Antaeus College, a private institution with a tradition of liberal politics. No love lost between those two. Mazie Tuttle knows both towns well. Born and raised in Coon Creek, she enrolls in the Antaeus College summer literary program being taught by the famous radical novelist, Roscoe Alolo. As tensions flare between the two towns over a statue of Coon Creek’s founding father, one act of vandalism follows another, and Mazie feels caught in the middle of the hostilities.

On Valentine’s Day, notorious bad boy and right-wing podcaster Adam Erb is found dead in the back of his limousine, his mouth stuffed full of erectile dysfunction pills disguised as candy hearts. Huck Carp, an adversary of Erb’s and a doctoral student in applied sociology, suggests to police that the perpetrator is a severe psychopath. Imagine his surprise when, in front of his would-be girlfriend, they arrest him for the crime.

When the doors to the North Columbus Wow-Mart open at midnight on Black Friday, ringing in the “Wowzathon” event of the century, chaos breaks out. A rampaging mob threatens to tear the store apart. Santa Claus is drunk, and a washed-up Halloween diva takes his place. The store manager’s daughter disappears. A turkey breaks loose. The security guards go into hiding.

Ominous signs portend great danger, and Regina Y-Z, a psychic, fears the worst. Furthermore, the warning signs all point to her former best-friend, Celeste Bonneville. According to the Aeon religion, Y2K will bring about the End of Days. Celeste, a leader of the Central Ohio Conclave of the Church of Aeonism, looks forward to her future life in a digital paradise, called Singularity. The most holy Master Desiderata has chosen Celeste for a special mission. If the apocalypse doesn’t happen on its own, she has instructions for how to light the fuse to get it started.

Radical environmentalist Roscoe Alolo has been abducted. As ransom, his kidnappers demand that the village of Golden Springs cancel its gala Earth Day celebration. Whiz sociologist Huck Carp, who idolizes Alolo, vows to solve the case, and unexpectedly teams up with a hermit calling himself Johnny Appleseed.