Showing results by narrator "Jon Culshaw" in All Categories

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a policeman taking a holiday would barely have had time to open his suitcase before he finds his first corpse. Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch is on holiday in the pleasant and innocent countryside, but not for him a mere body in the wardrobe. There are many, many bodies - and an ancient crime more terrible than murder. He is out of his jurisdiction, out of his depth, out of bacon sandwiches; and out of his mind. But never out of guile. Where there is a crime there must be a punishment.

Are you ready to meet the World’s Worst Children? Five beastly boys and five gruesome girls! Like Sofia Sofa – a TV super-fan so stuck to the sofa that she’s turning into one! Or Dribbling Drew – a boy whose drool gets him into trouble on a school trip! And not forgetting Blubbering Bertha – a girl who bawls and tells terrible tales! Ready for more? The beastly boys and gruesome girls in this book are even ruder, even more disgusting and WORSE than you could ever imagine! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories!

From the phenomenal number-one best seller David Walliams comes another collection of more hilariously horrible children! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories about the absolute worst children ever! From 10-year-old Hank and his endless pranks on his poor, long-suffering family to Tandy and her titanic tantrums, this brand-new collection is the perfect companion to World's Worst Children books 1 and 2 and an ideal gift for the worst children in your life!

The City Watch needs men! But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf), Lance-Constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-Constable Detritus (a troll), Lance-Constable Angua (a woman...most of the time) and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving). And they need all the help they can get, because someone in Ankh-Morpork has been getting dangerous ideas - about crowns and legendary swords and destiny.

Koom Valley, the ancient battle where the trolls ambushed the dwarfs, or the dwarfs ambushed the trolls, was a long time ago. But if he doesn't solve the murder of just one dwarf, Commander Sam Vimes of Ankh-Morpork City Watch is going to see it fought again, right outside his office. With his beloved Watch crumbling around him and war-drums sounding, he must unravel every clue, outwit every assassin and brave any darkness to find the solution. And darkness is following him.

When the neighbours in question are the proud empires of Klatch and Ankh-Morpork, those are going to be some pretty large garden tools indeed. Of course, no-one would dream of starting a war without a perfectly good reason...such as a 'strategic' piece of old rock in the middle of nowhere. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend their own. Even if it isn't technically their own. And even if they don't have much in the way of actual weaponry.

For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution. For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. Caught on the roof of a very magical building during a storm, he's found himself back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard, especially when your time travel companion is a serial killer who knows where you live.

For Commander Vimes, Head of Ankh-Morpork City Watch, life consists of troubling times, linked together by...well, more troubling times. Right now, it's the latter. There's a werewolf with pre-lunar tension in the city and a dwarf with attitude and a golem who's begun to think for itself, but that's just ordinary trouble. The real problem is more puzzling - people are being murdered, but there's no trace of anything alive having been at the crime scene.

They say that diplomacy is a gentle art. That mastering it is a lifetime's work. But you do need a certain inclination in that direction. It's not something you can just pick up on the job. A few days ago Sam Vimes was a copper - an important copper, true - chief of police - but still, at his core, a policeman. But today he is an ambassador - to the mysterious, fat-rich country of Uberwald. Today, Sam Vimes is also a man on the run. At some point during his ambassadorship, things went very wrong. It's snowing. It's freezing.

Insurrection is in the air in the city of Ankh-Morpork. The Haves and Have-Nots are about to fall out all over again. Captain Sam Vimes of the city's ramshackle Night Watch is used to this. It's enough to drive a man to drink. Well, to drink more. But this time, something is different - the Have-Nots have found the key to a dormant, lethal weapon that even they don't fully understand and they're about to unleash a campaign of terror on the city. Time for Captain Vimes to sober up.

With its wickedly funny mimicry and on-point parodies, Dead Ringers became an instant classic when it hit the airwaves in January 2000. In these four series, first broadcast between 2020 and 2023, the team give us their inimitable impersonations of the famous and infamous: from Donald Trump and Joe Biden to Liz Truss, Professor Chris Whitty and Holly Willoughby.

Football has come to the ancient city of Ankh-Morpork - not the old fashioned, grubby pushing and shoving but the new, fast football with pointy hats for goalposts and balls that go gloing when you drop them. And now, the wizards of Unseen University must win a football match, without using magic, so they're in the mood for trying everything else. The prospect of the Big Match draws in a street urchin with a wonderful talent for kicking a tin can, a maker of jolly good pies, a dim but beautiful young woman who might just turn out to be the greatest fashion model there has ever been, and the mysterious Mr Nutt.

Wickedly funny and bitingly satirical, Dead Ringers has been lampooning politicans, celebrities and media pundits for over 20 years. In these seven series, first broadcast between 2000 and 2002, the team give us their peerless impressions of the personalities we love to laugh at: from Tony Blair and George W. Bush to Brian Sewell, Posh n' Becks and Kirsty Wark.

In 'Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth' the TARDIS lands in the 21st century to find a ravaged London at the mercy of familiar foes. In 'Doctor Who: Daleks - Mission to the Unknown' and 'Doctor Who: Daleks - The Mutation of Time' conquest of the universe seems assured for Mavic Chen and his allies, the Daleks. In 'Doctor Who: Death to the Daleks' the Doctor and Sarah are drawn to the planet Exillon, shortly before the Daleks arrive.

Serving up razor-sharp caricatures and explosively satirical truth-bombs since January 2000, Dead Ringers is one of Radio 4’s most popular and critically acclaimed comedy shows. In these five series, first broadcast between 2015 and 2019, media mauling and celebrity savaging are once more the order of the day, as Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Lewis MacLeod, Debra Stephenson and Duncan Wisbey poke fun at the worlds of politics and entertainment.

Dispatched by M to investigate the mysterious disappearance of MI6’s Jamaica station chief, Bond was expecting a holiday in the sun. But when he discovers a deadly centipede placed in his hotel room, the vacation is over. On this island, all suspicious activity leads inexorably to Dr. Julius No, a reclusive megalomaniac with steel pincers for hands. To find out what the good doctor is hiding, 007 must enlist the aid of local fisherman Quarrel and alluring beachcomber Honeychile Rider.

This collection includes four classic TV novelisations in which the Doctor and friends are witnesses to alien invasion.

The place: Skaro. Time: the Birth of the Daleks. After a thousand years of futile war against the Thals, Davros has perfected the physical form that will carry his race into eternity - the dreaded Dalek. Without feeling, conscience or pity, the Dalek is programmed to exterminate. At the command of the Time Lords, the Doctor travels back through time in an effort to totally destroy this terrible menace of the future. But even the Doctor cannot always win....

This volume features thirty readings by some of the best-loved stars of Doctor Who including Peter Purves (Steven), Anneke Wills (Polly), Geoffrey Beevers (the Master), Matthew Waterhouse (Adric), Nicola Bryant (Peri), Louise Jameson (Leela), Frazer Hines (Jamie), John Leeson (K-9), Terry Molloy (Davros) and Dan Starkey (Strax) plus the multi-talented Jon Culshaw.

The hugely powerful Key to Time has been split into six segments, all of which have been disguised and hidden throughout time and space. Now the even more powerful White Guardian wants the Doctor to find the pieces. With the first segment successfully retrieved, the Doctor, Romana and K9 trace the second segment of the Key to the planet Calufrax. But when they arrive at exactly the right point in space, they find themselves on exactly the wrong planet - Zanak.