Showing results by author "Andy" in All Categories

Ryland Grace is the sole survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission - and if he fails, humanity and the Earth itself will perish. Except that right now, he doesn't know that. He can't even remember his own name, let alone the nature of his assignment or how to complete it. All he knows is that he's been asleep for a very, very long time. And he's just been awakened to find himself millions of miles from home, with nothing but two corpses for company.

Kullen is the emperor’s assassin. The sharp hand of justice. The Black Talon. Gifted a soul-forged bond with his dragon, Umbris, Kullen is tasked with hunting any and all who oppose the empire. But when the secretive Crimson Fang murders two noblemen before his very eyes, Kullen must discover the truth of who they are and what they want. What he uncovers is a web of lies and deceit spiraling into the depths of Dimvein.

Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.

Join Andy and Terry in their spectacular new 78-storey treehouse. They've added 13 new levels, including a drive-thru car wash, a combining machine, a scribbletorium, an all-ball sports stadium, Andyland, Terrytown, a high-security potato chip storage facility and an open-air movie theatre. Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

Is this the right book for you? Take the Crazy Test and find out. Do you bounce so high on your bed that you hit your head on the ceiling? Do you ever look in the mirror and see a crazy maniac staring back at you? Do you like to read stories about kittens, puppies and ponies getting mashed and pulverised? Do you sometimes get the urge to take your clothes off and cover yourself in mud? Do you often waste your time on tests like this one?

The latest edition to the riotously funny Just series by best-selling Australian children's author Andy Griffiths. Is this the right book for you? Take the SHOCKING TEST and find out.

Is this the right book for you? Take the annoying test and find out. Do you ask 'Are we there yet?' over and over on long car trips? Do you like to drive people mad by copying everything they say and do? Do you hog the shower and use up all the hot water? Do you enjoy asking silly questions that have no real answers? Do you swing on the clothesline whenever you get the chance?

Jazz Bashara is a criminal. Well, sort of. Life on Artemis, the first and only city on the moon, is tough if you're not a rich tourist or an eccentric billionaire. So smuggling in the occasional harmless bit of contraband barely counts, right? Not when you've got debts to pay and your job as a porter barely covers the rent. Everything changes when Jazz sees the chance to commit the perfect crime, with a reward too lucrative to turn down.

Andy and Danny boldly go where sensible people fear to tread. Just how stupid can two human beings be? Just Stupid! provides the answer to this vexing and important question. Winner of AudioFile's Earphones Award - 2005.

The battle grows dire. The death toll rises. The end is nigh. Natisse, believing Kullen has fallen to a traitor’s blade, fights on to honor his memory and to complete his final mission: to save their Empire from the enemy fleet threatening destruction. Together with Golgoth, she must stand before the very fires of Hell to protect the city and people she has come to love.

January 1991: IRAQ. Eight members of the SAS regiment embark upon a top-secret mission to infiltrate deep behind enemy lines. Under the command of Sergeant Andy McNab, they are to sever a vital underground communication link and to seek and destroy mobile Scud launchers. Their call sign: BRAVO TWO ZERO. Each laden with 15 stones of equipment, they tab 20km across the desert to reach their objective. But within days, their location is compromised. After a fierce fire fight, they are forced into evasive action. Four men are captured. Three die. Only one escapes.

As the son of a famous general, Aravon is proud to captain his own company against his people's enemy. But the experienced veteran’s march toward glory dissolves into pain as ruthless barbarians massacre every last one of his soldiers. Burning for vengeance, he leaps at the chance to spearhead a specially trained company and pay back his tragic defeat with blood.

These stories will transport you to the heart-breaking internecine conflict known as the Horus Heresy. Each one of these audio dramas is a stirring tale of a long, vicious war that rages on into the 41st Millennium. Some of Black Library's best-known names have crafted thrilling, revealing and sometimes surprising audio dramas that shed more light on the galaxy spanning conflicts of the Horus Heresy.

DS Kat Ballantyne is still reeling from a revelation that turned life as she knew it upside down. But when a dog walker discovers the body of a woman among the standing stones known locally as the Three Sisters, there’s no time to focus on her own troubles. Kat is drawn back to work to investigate. At first, the death appears to be an accident. But then Kat discovers an infinity symbol branded onto the dead woman’s abdomen.

Andy and Terry have a new book to write, but there's a problem. A BIG problem. Well, quite a few big problems actually.... On a hill not too far away there is a tree. And in that tree there is a tree house. And in that tree house there is a bowling alley, a see-through swimming pool, a tank full of sharks, a giant rope swing, a library full of comics, a secret underground laboratory, a vegetable vaporiser and a free marshmallow-dispensing machine.

Andy and Terry's amazing treehouse now has 13 new storeys, including a tiny-horse level, a pyjama-party room, an Underpants Museum, a photo-bombing booth, a waiting room, a Door of Doom, a circus, a giant-fighting-robot arena, a traffic school, a water-ski park filled with flesh-eating piranhas and a treehouse visitor centre with a 24-hour information desk, a penguin-powered flying treehouse tour bus and a gift shop. Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

Join Andy and Terry in their wonderfully wild and wacky 104-storey treehouse. You can throw some refrigerators, make some money with the moneymaking machine (or honey if you'd prefer - it makes that, too), climb the never-ending staircase, have a bunfight, deposit some burps in the burp bank, get totally tangled up in the tangled-up level, or just take some time out and relax in the peaceful sunny meadow full of buttercups, butterflies and bluebirds. Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

Is this the right book for you? Take the DOOMED TEST to find out. 1. Have you ever broken a mirror, walked under a ladder or opened an umbrella inside? 2. Do you often find yourself feeling that everything is about to go horribly, terribly and utterly wrong? 3. Have you ever lost or destroyed a valuable item that didn’t belong to you? 4. Have you just accidentally enraged a very large and bad-tempered bully? 5. Are you 120 years old or over? SCORE: One point for each YES answer. 3-5 – You are definitely DOOMED! You will love this book. 1-2 – You are fairly DOOMED!

Welcome to Hell—where nobody can ever quite catch the barman's eye. In this collection, which contains all seven series of Old Harry's Game, get ready for some wicked one-liners and scorching satire. Satan is fed up after a millennia in charge of Hell, especially given the prospect of an eternity still running the damned place. Although he does enjoy playing pranks on the world of the living and devising wry torments for the souls in his keeping, he often wistfully recalls his past as an archangel.

Zack Freeman is back - and so is his crazy runaway bum. But this time they're not fighting each other - this time they've joined forces to save the Earth from the most serious threat it has ever faced: an invasion of zombie bums...zombie bums from Uranus. Join Zack, his bum, Eleanor, Silas Sterne, the Kicker, the Smacker, the Pincher, the Forker, the Flicker and the Mutant Maggot Lord in the heart-stopping, nostril-blasting, Zombie-Bums-from-Uranus-filled sequel to The Day My Bum Went Psycho.