Showing results by publisher "-emdashery books-" in Humorous

He knows it, and so does everyone else in the star nation of Prometheus. A promising naval career down the drain just because he accidentally killed 504 civilians. So, it's time for him to give up and accept a dead-end command on Persephone, the worst starship in the fleet. Until he meets the beautiful and cunning Jessica Lin, his new executive officer, who harbors a terrible secret of her own. Now, with an enemy warship four times their size bearing down on them, Brad's in a race to save Jessica and his stupid ship.

God rest ye merry gentlefolk, it's time for the traditional St Mary's Christmas jump - this year to Martingale Manor, where a murder mystery is unfolding... It's nearly Christmas and Leon has had a Brilliant Idea. A holiday - to enable a very reluctant Max to recover from her recently acquired...

Being tortured isn’t fun at all…especially when it’s your ex-flame attaching the battery cables to you. For Captain Brad Mendoza, his month has gone from bad to worse, and now all anyone seems interested in is the galaxy-changing secret that’s rattling around in his brain. Whoever breaks Brad can build an empire that will rival anything else in the Fringe!

Upon returning to Valia after his journey to Caelford and the Unclaimed Lands, Corin Cadence is confronted with a familiar foe—his own father. While his strength has vastly increased since his last encounter with Magnus Cadence, Corin knows that he’ll need every trick at his disposal—and maybe a few new ones—if he wants to survive a duel with his father intact. While Corin struggles with his family, his friends must face a second year at Lorian Heights with new classes, familiar but new chancellor, and deadly new enemies both on and off the campus.

Anthony has been reborn! Placed into the remarkable game-like world of Pangera. But something seems a little off... What's with these skills? Bite? Dig? Wait.... He's been reborn as a WHAT?! Follow Anthony as he attempts to adjust to his new life as an ant in his new Dungeon home. He'll have to learn how to survive, level-up, and grow both himself and his bite-sized colony into a force to be reckoned with.

Disaster. There was no other word to describe how Operation Olympic had changed in a flash from a triumph to the worst failure the Merry Band of Pirates had ever experienced. A failure that meant the fight was over. Unless the Pirates could perform a miracle, without Skippy.

Jessica Lin is missing! And Brad Mendoza has no idea where she is. But he has other problems, like the people trying to extort him into capturing a man he was probably going to kill anyway! Now, with bounty hunters, crime lords, their own Navy, and some random gunslinger after them, can Brad and Jessica find a little more dumb luck and save each other and their crew? Old villains return, and new friends are forged as they scramble against the worst odds they've ever seen.

After the arrival of the multiversal monopoly BuyMort, life got brutal. All systems were through BuyMort. All currency was through BuyMort. All sales were through BuyMort. You could resist, you could compete, but it didn’t really matter because in the end you used BuyMort—or you perished. BuyMort be praised. But not everyone’s happy with the new system. Some, even, want to see it destroyed. It’s quick. It’s convenient. And it will help people kill you and your family as readily as it will help them sell you knickknacks for a quick mortie.

In the serene backdrop of New Hampshire's Franconia Notch, Micah Taylor, an ex-Army Ranger, finds solace with his loyal golden retriever, Grover. Their peaceful existence is suddenly shattered when a first date with his old friend, Jess Bender, takes an unexpected turn. Bright lights descend from the sky, leading them into the dark woods and a shocking discovery: the Kylonari, an advanced alien species with a special connection to Micah, here on a quest to find "The Lost Tribe"—a colony that vanished millennia ago.

Ashley Perrin is fresh out of college and starting a job as a community liaison for the Third District–the city’s only sector with more alien residents than humans. Ashley’s barely found where the paper clips are kept when she’s beset with constituent complaints–from too much noise at the Annual Lupidian Celebration Parade to a trip-and-fall chicken to a very particular type of alien hornet that threatens the very city itself. And if that’s not terrifying enough, Ashley is next up at the office karaoke night.

The Merry Band of Pirates stopped the enemy from stealing a Sentinel, and destroyed its Elder starship, so why weren’t the Pirates planning a victory party? The enemy was not what they thought it was. It was much, much worse.

The Aftermath of a stunning victory—especially an unexpected, complete, and final victory—should be high-fives all around, listening to politicians give boring congratulatory speeches, and a well-deserved rest for the Merry Band of Pirates. Yes, the galaxy is still a freakin' mess, but that is nothing new, and for a change, that can be someone else's problem. Until, you know, something really bad happens, and only the Pirates can deal with the problem... Or not.

Brad Mendoza is an idiot. He knows it, and so does everyone else. A promising naval career down the drain just, because he accidentally killed 504 civilians. So, it's time for him to give up and accept a dead-end command on Persephone, the worst ship in the fleet. Until he meets the beautiful and cunning Jessica Lin, his new executive officer, who harbors a terrible secret of her own. Now, he's in a race to save her and his stupid ship.

With Garralosh defeated and the Colony secured, Anthony has triumphed over the wave. What now for our intrepid adventurer? In the Dungeon, there’s only one place to go: down.

For years, the ancient alien AI known as Skippy (the Magnificent, don’t forget that part) has been able to do one impossible thing after another. What is his secret? It’s simple: 100 percent Grade-A extreme awesomeness. And also because he had never been faced with an opponent of equal power. Until now. This time, he might need a little help from a band of filthy monkeys.

Hunting pirates is hard…especially when your only assets are an unarmed ship, two ex-naval officers, a makeup artist, and a couple of pistols. But that’s exactly what Brad Mendoza and Jessica Lin have signed up to do on the edge of the Fringe: to help a bunch of farmers on a dead-end planet fight the pirate threat! Quickly, they find that they really don’t know what they’re doing…and not everything is what it seems.

Join the Librarian as he does his best to make the post-apocalyptic world a better place by protecting the weak, fighting injustice, squaring off against a group of former renaissance fair workers who have established a kingdom in the Rocky Mountains, and so on. Can one man make a difference in the face of such murderous cannibals and super smart bears? Probably not.

With the age of heroic star pilots and galactic villains completely killed by quantum teleportation, the ex-star pilot currently named Dashford Pierce is struggling to find his identity in a changing universe. Then, a face from his past returns and makes him an offer he can't refuse: take part in just one teeny weeny, slightly illegal, daring heist, and not only will he have the means to start the new life he craves, but also save his childhood hero from certain death.

A human diplomat creates an interstellar incident when he kills an alien diplomat in a most unusual way. To avoid war, Earth's government must find an equally unusual object: A type of sheep ("The Android's Dream"), used in the alien race's coronation ceremony. To find the sheep, the government turns to Harry Creek, ex-cop, war hero and hacker extraordinaire.

Once, they were the galaxy’s most fearsome mercenaries… A lot has changed since then. Still, a friend is a friend. So, when one of their old crewmates dies under mysterious circumstances, the infamous Billy Firebrand calls the old crew back together for one last mission. With a busted ship, a lifetime’s worth of demons, and a galactic war on the line, they’ll face odds they probably couldn’t have beaten in their prime.