Showing results by publisher "-emdashery books-" in Humourous Fiction

What are the 79 wackiest excuses for being late to school? How do you stop a maniac dentist from terrorising children? Why is the new smartphone so ridiculously dumb? And what does it take to get every single student at Milford Junior School put on detention? Find out in this hilarious collection of short stories. One thing is guaranteed - you will never pick the endings!

Jonathan Grisby is the newest arrival at the Slabhenge Reformatory School for Troubled Boys - an ancient, crumbling fortress of gray stone rising up from the ocean. It is dark, damp, and dismal. And it is just the place Jonathan figures he deserves. Because Jonathan has done something terrible. And he's willing to accept whatever punishment he has coming. Just as he's getting used to his new situation, however, a freak accident leaves the troubled boys of Slabhenge without any adult supervision.

The seventh instalment in the biggest, funniest, most thrilling comedy-horror-adventure series in the universe…Death Bringer, book 6 in the Skulduggery Pleasant series, was the number-one bestselling children’s book for two weeks running in September 2011, as well as outselling the number one adult fiction hardback. And guess what? This one is going to be Even Bigger.

What if it was every day? This is the story of Sam Green, who really, really, really loves birthdays. He loves the special breakfasts in bed. The presents. The themed parties. Blowing out the candles on his cake. Everything. He is so excited about his 11th birthday, in fact, that he wishes it was his birthday every day. So at first it's quite exciting when his birthday happens again the next morning. And again. And again. And again....

When Billy Burgers gets a bad report at the doctor, his mom starts pushing fruits and veggies and cutting out the junk food. Delirious from his cravings, Billy swipes a bag of chips from the school cafeteria and devours them. When he realizes his mistake, he rushes to pay, but it's too late. He's sent to the principal's office for stealing. Can Billy make up for his poor judgement? Can he live life with less junk food and more movement? Can he become Billy Burger, Model Citizen?!

Two pink flamingos. A whole family of plaster skunks. Joe Burton's dad loves those tacky lawn ornaments. But then he brings home two ugly lawn gnomes. And that's when the trouble starts. Late at night, when everyone's asleep, someone's creeping in the garden. Whispering nasty things. Smashing melons. Squashing tomatoes. No way two dumb, old lawn ornaments could be causing all the trouble. Is there?

The Princess in Black: Princess Magnolia is having hot chocolate and scones with Duchess Wigtower when...Brring! Brring! The monster alarm! Stopping monsters is no job for prim and perfect Princess Magnolia. But luckily Princess Magnolia has a secret: She’s also the Princess in Black! Can Princess Magnolia sneak away, transform into her alter ego, and defeat the monster before the nosy duchess discovers her secret?

The youngest child in the Flood family, Betty, is a pretty little girl, who looks quite normal - unlike some of her brothers and sisters. She goes to the normal primary school down the road and she even has a normal best friend, Ffiona Hulbert. But Betty is not normal - she is a witch. When Bridie McTort, the school bully, starts throwing her weight around, Betty knows exactly what to do.

A collection of short stories, rhymes and jokes from by Emma Holland, one of Australia's leading comedians. Easy to read and impossible to put down! Think a blanket knitted out of body hair; balls held hostage by a disgruntled neighbour; an awful lot of broken glass from a school with a daily window-smashing problem; mysteriously mayonaissed burgers. It's Paul Jennings meets Kate and Jol Temple meets the Worst Week Ever series.

Andy is heading to college and his toys are moving to the attic. Or, so they think! When Andy’s mom accidentally throws away the toys, they decide to leave their home forever. But life away from Andy’s house is a lot stranger and scarier than any of them had imagined. Follow along as Woody, Buzz, and their pals find a place to call home.

Dave and his friends have escaped from Herobrine’s clutches, but now they have a new problem...they’re stuck in the middle of the ocean! Now they’ll have to battle pirates, drowned and, worst of all, the biggest squid the world has ever seen! The third audiobook in the Dave the Villager saga delivers all the laughs, adventures, and tension of the first two audiobooks...but now with a lot more water!

Ginger Wald and her identical twin brothers, Nat and Pat, are lost in the woods. No problem. After all, Ginger did go to that stupid nature camp. Still, there's something odd about this part of the woods. The grass is yellow. The bushes are purple. And the trees are like skyscrapers. Then Ginger and her brothers meet the beasts. They're big blue furry creatures. And they want to play a game. The winners get to live. The losers get eaten. . . .

Fourteen-year-old Ozzy lives near Portland, Oregon, and is desperate for help. His scientist parents have been kidnapped after discovering a formula that enables mind control. Their work was so top secret that Ozzy is afraid to go to the police, but without help, he fears he'll never find his parents. Then he stumbles across a classified ad in the local newspaper that says "Wizard for Hire. Call 555-SPEL." Ozzy has read about wizards in books like Harry Potter, but wizards couldn't exist today, could they? After Ozzy meets the wizard Labyrinth - a.k.a. Rin - he's even more skeptical.

The Garbage Pail Kids are desperate to win the Smellville Pet Contest. But how can they compete against Good Boy, the perfect Chihuahua of the Perfect twins? Good Boy can stand on his head and do algebra problems blindfolded. But the whole thing goes out of control when our heroes meet five new kids who also call themselves the Garbage Pail Kids! Meet Windy Winston, Nat Nerd, Brett Sweat, Nasty Nancy, and Disgustin’ Justin. They all share the grand prize - a free all-day trip to Six Thrills Amusement Park. Will anyone have a good time? And will anyone survive?

This book was never meant to exist. No one needs to know the details. Just know this: there's a Merry, a Larry, a missing tooth, and a teachers' strike that is crippling Timmy Failure's academic future. Worst of all, Timmy is banned from detective work. It's a conspiracy of buffoons. He recorded everything in his private notebook, but then the manuscript was stolen. If this book gets out, he will be grounded for life. Or maybe longer. And will Timmy's mom really marry Doorman Dave.

When Mr Bambuckle arrives, laughs, thrills, silliness and imagination are guaranteed to follow! He’s the first teacher to cook us breakfast. Is his spark-maker beetle really that dangerous? I heard he drank yak’s milk in Mongolia. He’s the only person who isn’t afraid of Canteen Carol. My mum says he used to be in the circus. The class in room 12B has a new teacher, and nothing is ever going to be the same....

Best friends Stanley and Manjit are part of Class 4B, which Head teacher Mrs Bottomley-Blunt says is the worst class in the world. She says school is not about footling or fiddle-faddling or fun. It is about learning and it is high time 4B tried harder to excel at it. But they didn’t literally mean to let the class stick insects loose in the wilds of the playground. And they really didn't literally mean to make a massive mess trying to do modern art (which may or may not have involved a mummified cat being stolen).

Though I, Timmy Failure, have solved many notorious crimes and now wish to enjoy my retirement, my fans have begged me to turn my memoirs into a movie, an ode to my greatness. I am, however, beset by enemies, the worst of whom is Tom John John, the buffoonish movie director. What’s more, my father is in town, working at a bar, which is obviously just a cover for our father-son crime-fighting partnership. And my dimwitted polar bear business partner, Total, wants to be reunited with his family.

Welcome to Shoe Town - and meet Ruby and Bear Foot. They are running out of time to rescue their inventor dad from his hideous boss, Wendy Wedge. She'll do anything to win the glitzy Golden Shoe Award and knows that entering flying shoes is her hot ticket to the trophy. Flying shoes that Ruby and Bear just happen to be hiding. Get ready for a gadget-packed, wedge-of-your-feet adventure like no other!

Bacca has it all. The most celebrated (and furry) star in the Overworld, he's the person others look to for help building their dungeons, mazes, and castles. He has a girlfriend, LadyBacc, and his most prized possession of all - a diamond ax called Betty. One day Bacca is approached by a mysterious dragon...made entirely of diamonds! The dragon is from a new biome - a secret land few have ever seen - where a special object has been stolen.