Showing results for "unabridged" in Humorous

Finn Lassiter is a werewolf without a pack. Or a roof over his head. Or more than five bucks to his name. He’s exhausted every lifeline except the one that makes him want to howl: begging his cousin, the supreme alpha, for charity. After the way Finn behaved for their entire lives, it’s entirely possible he’ll be turned down flat or banished forever when he makes that call tomorrow. So today he’s blowing his last dollar at Nectar & Ambrosia—he needs one more smile from the bakery’s beautiful owner to weather the bleak years ahead.

The usual result of a human taking a runaway semitruck head-on is a very sudden, very fast track to the pearly gates. But for one newly noncorporeal man, there's another option: become a dungeon. Feeling sorry for the desperate angel assigned to him, the man relents. Heck, if it doesn't work out, he can always chat with Saint Peter about it later. Next thing you know, he's a dungeon. Admittedly, a small run-down, somewhat unimpressive dungeon (more of a house, actually), but you gotta start somewhere, right?

Belissar has always lived a peaceful life, if not a particularly easy one. Though he lost his parents, he was taken in by a kindly villager who taught him his life's calling: beekeeping. But one day the local lord's ruthless son, Ruckanos, comes to their humble village to claim his own tower, slaughtering everyone. Luckily for Belissar, as he lies dying with an arrow in his back, a tiny worker bee decides to interfere, and he wakes up not only alive but a whole new bee-ing.

Okay, I might be seriously under-qualified for the job of Enforcer, I'll admit. The Enforcer is supposed to be a human, for starters. It's usually an ex-special forces guy with big muscles and even bigger balls, and a knack for sorting out petty squabbles between the witches and vampires and shifters in the city. And I'm just a technically dead nail tech—an animated skeleton with a talent for illusion magic and gold gel manicures. But I've recently discovered that I can manifest some pretty big muscles of my own. I've already got the big balls, so I'm halfway there.

She's unlike any one or any thing else: a Non-Standard Leashed-Intelligence Cybernetic Enforcer aka NSLICE-00P. The first of her kind, she's let loose into a universe of superheroes on behalf of her sinister masters to destroy all who oppose them. And everything's going according to plan—until NSLICE-00P gets hacked and sent into the past to kill her own creator before he creates her. Obeying orders as always, she wastes the poor guy. Unfortunately, there are consequences to initiating a reality-breaking time paradox. The most significant: total ejection from that reality.

I’m in love with my best friend—who just happens to be one of the last dragon shifters in the world. Yeah. Life just got a whole lot more complicated. For two years, I’ve suffered through one bad date after another, and for two years, my best friend Roarke has been right there beside me. The problem? I don’t want to date other guys—I want him. But there are two massive issues with that. I keep hoping that in true romcom style, Roarke and I will get our happily ever after. But this is real life, and I don’t know if there are happily ever afters for a broken bear shifter and a dragon shifter.

One moment Robin is imbibing an elixir of his own creation as he practices casting spells, and the next he’s lying naked in a cave about to embark on a mysterious quest. It seems the God Rhyth has vanished from the realm of Mayaser, and Robin—altered from human to shadeling—has been chosen to find out what happened to the deity and its worshippers.

Are you being attacked by a pissed-off unicorn? Has an angry basilisk slithered into your camp? Is a dragon about to eat you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this book is for you. Our world is full of monsters. Some of them are happy to live and let live, but the majority of them are vicious jerks. If you want to survive, then you need to know what to do when things go wrong. Don't settle for speculation or the ramblings of a tavern drunk. Get the facts about monsters straight from a legendary hero who has fought just about all of them.

Cale Henituse is a man more eager to top off his wine than topple his foes, but adventure always seems to find him! This time, he befriends a kind yet sheltered necromancer, an ancient gold dragon, and twin saints on the run. But the stakes rise when the fierce Tiger Tribe arrives from the far east, seeking both refuge and revenge. Their shared enemy wields a powerful fleet, offering Cale a golden opportunity to turn the tide in his favor. With land, sea, and sky at play, Cale must craft a brilliant strategy to outmaneuver his foes—and maybe even come out ahead for once!

I never really expected to go from full-time Neet to a God, but you know how life hits, right? Well, it doesn't really matter in the end. What matters is how I got there. You know how I said this ain't that type of guide? Well, maybe it can be. Maybe you'll figure some things out along the way—who knows? Actually I do, and you probably won't, but who cares, right? So take a seat in your mother's basement ,or whatever hole you live in, and listen to the story of how I, a full-time Neet, became a God.

Power Day occurs every year on September 15th. Across the world, formerly regular people awaken with superhuman abilities—and labels to go with them. They become the next generation of Heroes...and Villains. September 15th is also Emily Wright’s first day on campus. While everyone else is out celebrating the start of their college career, Emily’s hiding in her dorm room. She wonders if it’s possible to earn a degree while completely avoiding eye contact with anyone. All she wants is to learn a little. Instead, she’s granted a superpower and categorized as villainous.

Twenty years ago, his father saved the world. Or so the history books will probably say once someone gets around to writing them. All Mihalis knows is the world he has been raised into. It's not a bad world, as things ago, he has a big and loving family, but there is the ongoing "war" that promises to be on-going for a good many years to come. Raised to the blade by his mother, and taught not only her ways as well as a good many of the ways of her people, but also the ways of his father's other wives, as well as the ways of his magic, Mihalis has had a very thorough education.

Thomas Jury has been taken, and there is nothing in this world that can stop Doc from getting him back. The only problem is that doing so may incite a war, but right now Doc is too pissed to care. He's on a collision course with the most powerful witch family in the world. Unfortunately for them, Doc's wrath may be more than they can bear...

A classic series for a new generation of fantasy adventure fans, Thieves' World® paved the way for the shared-world anthology tradition with epic worldbuilding, unforgettable characters, and nonstop action thanks to the legendary authors who contribute to it.

When I answered an ad for a caretaker at Saint Mark’s Sanctuary, I thought I’d be dusting chandeliers and polishing floors. I didn’t expect to be tricked into a curse, going into debt to a monster, and being forced to take a self-paced “let’s learn magic” course so I can fix a 2,000-year-old problem. And that monster? Not your ordinary, everyday beast. He has hooves, and horns, and fur on his legs. But you know where he doesn’t have fur? Yeah. There. Which is fine. Except he doesn’t wear pants.

All that stands between rowdy long-haul trucker Jill MacLeod (aka Junkmouth) and her family back in Boston is two thousand miles of asphalt. Well, that and the monstrous game the System has had her playing ever since it descended on Earth. The reward: mana. Jill's goal: kill, score, drive—and stay alive. Behind the wheel of a turreted forty-ton semi named Bertha, Jill hammers east from Montana through a gauntlet of every kind of chomping, hissing, rabid creature imaginable. Barreling forward in her magical soulbound big rig and chalking up a bumper crop of roadkill, Jill isn't alone for long.

Blitz is meant to be a rampaging Devastator Dragon. Unfortunately, lighting his own hearth fire isn't really a strength. When he accidentally kidnaps the black Princess Azania, the most beautiful woman in all the realms, riches, honor, and undeniable glory beckon.

The devil paid me a visit and said I was going to one day rule his demonic kingdom. The catch: I have to attend the Infernal Academy, located in none other than Hell itself. Thankfully, I won’t be doing it alone. I’m going to surround myself with powerful demonesses (and maybe an angel or two as well).

It wasn't easy being the local slayer. Especially these days, when dragons owned the banks, vampires were peddling health insurance, and demons ran the strip clubs. Still, I'm not exactly hurting for work. Because no sooner do I finish putting down a wannabe necromancer than I get home to find a woman on my porch with her body tattooed in mystic runes, clutching an eldritch cube, and with a hell of a tale to tell. To make matters worse, there's a cult after her, a wolf-girl biker wants a piece of me (in more ways than one), and the new department store is messing with the time space continuum.

Classes evolve, roles shift, and in the city of Liscor, change is happening. The Horns of Hammerad are growing as adventurers, rising in the eyes of the city and the surrounding lands. They've survived, and they've leveled, but new levels also bring new problems. Izril is still facing turmoil as nobles fight and squabble while Liscor breathes again and heals, trying to find a new way forward. The best cure for dark days? Games! And none know it better than the oldest adventurers, who've lived through countless struggles.