• Value and Validation | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 017
    Aug 6 2021

    As Mary Beth moves past online dating, she’s found herself without the source of value and validation she relied on to feel her best. In today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth discusses how she’s reclaiming that feeling and her thoughts in a world without men to validate her. 

    Mary Beth steps into the darkness.

    • With her dating profiles deleted, Mary Beth has been ending every relationship, contact, and conversation she’s had with a man.
    • These were “backburners,” or guys you see only every once in awhile. They aren’t serious, but they just kinda float around. 
    • Mary Beth has officially shut all of them down. Some guys took it well. Others she had to block.

    What is Mary Beth’s next steps?

    • For now, Mary Beth doesn’t have a job and isn’t working on any major projects. She got to thinking, “what is my purpose?.”
    • Before, she was busy taking care of her children, her job, or even dating online.
    • But her kids don’t need her, and she is no longer looking for someone else to validate her feelings of worth. So what’s her purpose?
    • Talking to guys served as a distraction so Mary Beth didn’t have to think about these things.
    • Growing up in a household with addiction did not set Mary Beth up to believe in herself. It fosters codependency - when you find value in how other people react to you.

    Mary Beth looks to her Heavenly Father for support:

    • Mary Beth is overcoming this tendency for external validation by focusing on her religious values.
    • Jesus and the Heavenly Father are involved in all of our lives. Mary Beth is trying to remember that everything happens for a reason, and God wanted her to go through these things.
    • She asked God why she craves a husband to the point where it dominated her thoughts and prayers.
    • Mary Beth had to realize that no man will ever be perfect enough for her. There will never be a man who can validate her the way she wanted. (She craved the person who validated her. AKA the most codependent behavior possible.)

    A departure from codependency:

    • Mary Beth realizes she has a problem comparing herself to others. When everyone was quarantined and isolated by themselves, Mary Beth felt more validated.
    • To overcome these feelings, Mary Beth cut every man off. She wants to face these validation fears and find validation within herself. 
    • It’s a leap of faith - she has to accept that she’s alone. But while there isn’t anyone on this earth who is good enough, there is one above us who is: our Heavenly Father.
    • For the first time in a long while, Mary Beth did not ask for a husband in her evening prayers. 
    • It isn’t perfect - there are still times Mary Beth struggles. But they are becoming less and less frequent.

    You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her and join the RediscovHER Facebook group.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

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    21 mins
  • Grieving the loss of a dream: Moving on | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 016
    Jul 30 2021

    Sometimes it takes everything going right for someone to realize that it isn’t at all what they wanted. Mary Beth experienced precisely that, as she discovers the death of a dream on today’s episode of RediscovHer.

    It started at the end of online dating.

    • As she signed out of her online dating apps for the final time, Mary Beth was contacted by someone she’s known for over two years. 
    • He was kind, considerate, generous, and thoughtful - everything Mary Beth thought she was looking for.
    • Despite him being her ideal partner, it was moving too quickly. She needed to slow down, and that was because she wanted something nobody could give her.

    What did she want that he was unable to give?

    • Mary Beth knew what she wanted the relationship to look and feel like, but it wasn’t until she dated this guy that she realized it wasn’t about simply finding a relationship. It was about recreating her past. 
    • Mary Beth realized that every time she dated someone with great qualities, she still wanted something more. And that “something” was her husband - something nobody in the world could replicate. 
    • His death was the loss of a dream, and Mary Beth realizes she just isn’t ready to be in a relationship.
    • She looks at the online dating experiences as a blessing from the heavenly father because he kept her entertained and distracted during the time of self-growth she needed. 

    Moving forward without a man.

    • Mary Beth is ready to be without a man. After two years since her husband’s passing, she’s at a point where she had the time and mental space to grow.
    • Now she can let herself be alone and grieve the things she needs to grieve.
    • When she was dating the nice man, all she wanted to do was take. She wanted to feel validated. She wanted to feel heard. She wanted attention. And yet, she wasn’t able to give much in return. Partially because she was overwhelmed from online dating, but also because she just wasn’t ready.

    The importance of grief.

    • Mary Beth realizes she is still grieving the loss of her husband and the loss of her mother. 
    • She won’t only grieve the loss of the people, but she’ll also grieve the death of her dreams of clarifying situations that arose within those relationships.
    • The grief process will take time, and Mary Beth is now willing and ready to dedicate the time she needs to sort out her emotions.

    You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

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    14 mins
  • It's a War Zone - The End of Online Dating | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 015
    Jul 23 2021

    Mary Beth has explained many of the weird and creepy situations she’s had while online dating. But in today’s episode, she’s going to tell stories that finally pushed her over the top. The end of Mary Beth’s online dating saga is here!

    She thought she found the complete package:

    • He had a job, a car, a house, didn’t live with his mother, the total package. He even messaged Mary Beth immediately and tried to set up a lunch date.
    • He started to look bad when he couldn’t be at their next date until 9:00, and it got awkward when he didn’t want a goodnight kiss.
    • The third time they were supposed to meet, the date was changed four times (and only once because of Mary Beth.) When it finally looked like it was going to happen, he canceled last minute, saying he would explain later. He never did, but after Mary Beth asked him, he said there was a death in his family.
    • He eventually came over to her house days after the canceled date and said he would see her the next day. But the day of, she got a text asking to change tonight’s dinner to tomorrow.
    • At this point, Mary Beth was fed up. She told him she wasn’t happy with the way things were going, but he convinced her to keep seeing him.

    The situation never got better.

    • They planned a date for another night. But the day of, he texted her and said he wouldn’t be able to get there until 8:00, which was fine. But at 8:00, he changed it to 9:00. And at 9:00, he texted her and canceled.
    • Mary Beth said she was looking for someone considerate of other people’s time, and he never answered back.
    • A day later, he texted her asking for money but quickly said to disregard the message. 
    • A while later, she got another text asking for $1500, to which she said, “please lose my phone number,” and blocked him. She later checked to see if he responded, and all he said was, “lol okay.”

    Online Dating Takeaways:

    • It’s not judgemental if you see red flags and react appropriately.
    • Another man messaged he and asked if she was interested in dinner and drinks, and Mary Beth said she was free on Saturday night. However, he never followed up or made concrete plans.
    • When she was in New York, she matched with someone who sent a detailed message describing what he wanted to do to her body. (An excellent reason to leave the online dating world.)
    • Mary Beth thinks some men just collect women to see who they’d most like to take out on a date or get in contact with.

    Maybe there is a reason men date online, and it’s because there’s a reason they can’t land a date with the women they know. Regardless, Mary Beth’s dating profiles have been deleted, and she’s ready to move forward with her life. Tune in to the next episode to find out what that is!

    You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

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    23 mins
  • Who you really are | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 014
    Jul 16 2021

    In today’s episode of RediscovHer, Mary Beth shares a short story that changed her perspective on her relationship with Jesus. We’re often told he is our brother, but have you ever thought about it the other way around?

    The story that changed Mary Beth’s perspective:

    • Mary Beth found this story in her church magazine, and the story is titled “The Visitor.”
    • In the story, an 18-year-old man was assigned to teach young children a church lesson, and the young man had a friend who had fallen away from the church.
    • The young man invited his friend to the lesson, and the man agreed.
    • The friend had long hair, a mustache and resembled the image of Jesus we think of today.
    • Throughout the lesson, the young man noticed that the kids were quieter than usual. Eventually, one little kid walked up to the man and asked if he was Jesus.
    • Unsure how to answer, the man turned to the young man. The young man simply said, “No. This is his brother.”
    • The little kid put his arm around the man and said, “I can tell.”

    Mary Beth’s takeaways from The Visitor:

    • Every time Mary Beth reads this story, she tears up. 
    • She grew up hearing that Jesus was her older brother but had never considered the viewpoint that she’s his sister. 
    • Calling Jesus your older brother still has a sense of distance with it. It isn’t as tangible of thought, especially since Mary Beth never had an older sibling.
    • But when she thinks about herself as his sister, it gives her an identity. She knows who she is. She knows what that relationship is like and what she needs to do. 

    Why does this change in perspective help?

    • In her religious classes, she was taught this. But sometimes, you need a fresh perspective for teachings to click, and that’s what this story did for Mary Beth.
    • If we’re all brothers and sisters to God, that means we have the divine qualities of love, empathy, and goodness within us too. 
    • We’re all born beautiful and clean because we come from heaven. We are sisters to our savior. Yes, he loves us. And if we’re his brothers and sisters, we must mean an awful lot to him.

    If you ever struggle with negative feelings, remember that you have a family with Jesus. You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

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    12 mins
  • How to Catch a Catfish | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 013
    Jul 9 2021

    When it comes to online dating, there are times when a guy just seems too good to be true. And sometimes, that’s exactly the case. In today’s episode of RediscovHer, Mary Beth talks about a topic every woman should be aware of when online dating - catfishing. 

    What is catfishing?

    • Catfishing is when someone pretends to be someone else on the internet by using pictures or names to come across as another person.
    • It could also be lying about your wealth, job, or other aspects of your life that would change the way you’re perceived by the people talking to you.

    Mary Beth has experienced men catfishing her.

    • When Mary Beth first started online dating, she didn’t know the warning signs that a man was claiming to be someone he wasn’t. 
    • The man was good-looking, but there were only 2 pictures. He claimed to be from a European country and had a couple of red flags that Mary Beth didn’t yet know to look for.

    How to Catch a Catfish:

    He was always going out of town or about to go out of town. (Difficult to meet)

    Catfishing guys for some reason say they’re in construction, engineering, an orthopedic surgeons or in the military

    From a European country and went to a European school

    On Facebook, never trust a guy whose name isn’t correct. If they say “oh, my name is actually something else” that should be a big red flag

    One guy said he worked at a mission base camp in Syria.

    If that’s true - why is he in the US?

    Pay attention to the pictures

    Be on the lookout for grainy pictures. However, as scammers become more proficient they’ll steal better pictures, so be sure you know who you’re speaking to.

    Another flag is if the person has an accent or language that doesn’t match where they live or are from.

    Once she spots a catfish, occasionally Mary Beth will play along to see if there’s a pattern

    They will send pre-written paragraphs about themselves when you first start talking.

    If they delete themselves from your queue once you start talking to them, that’s another indication

    Mary Beth thought she was talking to a scammer, so Mary Beth asked him to take a picture of himself with the newspaper. 

    When communicating, not only did they send a long paragraph describing themselves, they would also use a lot of phrases repeatedly. For Mary Beth, it was “I want an honest, caring woman.”

    What to do if you run into a scammer or find someone you think might be a scammer.

    Scars - The Official Romance Scams - the encyclopedia of romance scams and cybercrime. 

    The Woman Behind the Smile.com to read the story of Mary Beth’s friend, a woman who lost over 1 million to a scammer

    People have been financially and emotionally hurt by these instances.

    Don’t give money to ANYBODY, no matter the sob story. Don’t give out any of your personal information. Try to meet a guy within the first week or two. Have a phone call before meeting someone.

    MB knows a woman who was married, and her husband left her a lot of money. She had a handyman, and he was a great guy. They got married, and she paid for everything, including vacations and stuff. 

    A few years later, it was determined he embezzled at least 300,000 dollars from her and setting it aside.

    Moral of the story? Be careful. Protect yourself.

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    25 mins
  • His Dog Ate His Homework: Players and Playboys | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 012
    Jul 2 2021

    Online dating is filled with players and playboys, making it difficult to find an authentic date. In today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth dives into the telltale signs you’re flirting with a player or playboy and how to avoid them online. She also touches on her time using stream of conscious journaling and how that’s helped her process her own emotions.

    Defining players and playboys:

    • A player is someone who dates women other than you, but claims you’re exclusive. (AKA a cheater.) 
    • On the other hand, a playboy likes noncommittal relationships. He might only be dating you, but he doesn’t want anything serious. 

    Signs you’re dating a player or playboy online:

    • He’s always ‘busy.’ From the wise words of an Instagram meme: “Another word for ‘busy’ is a**hole.” If he’s ‘too busy,’ he’s not. He’s just too busy for you. 
    • If he isn’t available for weeks at a time, that’s alarming. If he wants to see you, he’ll make time. 
    • When he wants someone who will “go with the flow,” he wants someone at his convenience.
    • Players and playboys act super vulnerable to prey on women’s emotions. His sob story might be true, but why is he telling you so early on?
    • When you hang out with him, does he keep their phone facedown, turned off, or hidden from you? Is he still on dating apps?
    • Does he freak out if you use the words “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”?

    Your first date checklist:

    • Find out what he does for a living. A sketchy response means a sketchy man.
    • Be upfront and ask him if he’s single. Is he separated but legally married? Divorced? Does he have children?
    • Be skeptical if a guy claims to love his ex-wife, even if it’s because she’s the mother of his kids.
    • If a guy is 50 years old and has never been married or has no children, he never will.

    Stream of Conscious Journaling

    • Mary Beth writes whenever she feels overwhelmed by her emotions. She knows she might initially feel negative by writing in her journal, but it is necessary. 
    • The takeaway? When journaling starts to bring up negative emotions, that’s the time to keep going.
    • You might go off on a tangent when writing, but it’s probably connected to what you’re feeling; developing your thoughts is how to write yourself out of that feeling.
    • Mary Beth recommends The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron to learn how journaling can help process emotions. Also, check out Mary Beth’s past episode to learn about her stream of consciousness journaling process.

    You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

     

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    37 mins
  • Develop a Thick Skin: Rules for Online Dating | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 011
    Jun 25 2021

    When Mary Beth started online dating, she had no idea what to expect. The same holds true for many women; the expectations just don’t meet the reality. In today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth goes over her initial reactions when online dating, and what to expect if you want to start.

    You need to have a thick skin.

    • Mary Beth thought dating would be like it was in her early 20s - they ask you out, you go on a date, and then you become boyfriend and girlfriend. (Hint: it’s not.)
    • You’ll find yourself constantly rejected, with little to no warning, and people just stop talking to you when they’re finished. And it’s not personal. 
    • When online dating, you might talk to ten different guys at a time. At any point, you might realize you don’t want to talk to a guy anymore. It’s not that he’s a bad guy, but once you know it won’t work with someone, you just stop talking.
    • When she first started online dating, Mary Beth was taken aback when a guy would ghost her. But it happens all the time, and it’s just the name of the game.

    Mary Beth’s tips for first-time virtual daters: 

    • Text on the website or app you use, don’t immediately give out your phone number. Eventually, you’ll move off the app. But initially, it’s a much safer option when you don’t know the guy.
    • If he immediately wants to move off the app (especially if he then deletes himself from your dating queue), that’s a red flag. 
    • Some dating apps allow you to check a match’s location while he’s in your queue. So if he deletes himself, that might be a sign he’s traveling around to see other people.
    • Mary Beth uses a burner phone number to avoid sharing her actual phone number. Women need to protect themselves; a mature man will understand that.

    Be safe on your first date:

    • When you first meet a guy, meet at a very public place. Go to a coffee shop, a restaurant, or even a walk around a park.
    • Before meeting a guy, google his name, look at his Facebook and social media, just make sure he’s who he says he is.
    • Look at the photos he uses on the dating site. If there is only one or two, or if the pictures are grainy, he might be lying about who he is.

    We all deserve someone who has good qualities. It’s easy to be mean when hiding behind a screen. As you navigate online dating, remember your worth and value, and hold yourself up to the standards you deserve. 

    You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

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    25 mins
  • Lessons in the Garden of Gethsemane - Part 2 | Mary Beth Rosebrough - 010
    Jun 18 2021

    Christ’s time in the Garden of Gethsemane shows us what he did when he was at his most vulnerable. In today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth continues her explanation of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and what lessons we can take from that story.

    Jesus in his time of need:

    • As our savior was kneeling and praying in the garden, he prepared to do the most challenging thing we believe he had to do.
    • In that time of need, he asked for help and companionship from his friends. When we have troubles, we need to do the same: ask our friends to accompany us and be unafraid of expressing vulnerability.
    • Even in this god-like activity that we’ll never be able to comprehend, Christ invited his earth friends to be with him and support him.
    • We’re taught to be independent and lean on ourselves for support. But Jesus showed us another example, one where we should ask for help and companionship.

    Jesus processed all his feelings.

    • When Jesus was in the garden, he felt all of his feelings. What does Mary Beth mean by that?
    • Christ asked our father if he could have a reprieve from what he was about to do - he wanted to be rid of his burden. 
    • We know that if a burden becomes too heavy, feelings become too strong, pushing those feelings away.
    • The root of addiction is unresolved grief. When you bury your feelings, it becomes grief that you never have the opportunity to deal with. 
    • Feelings Buried Alive Never Die is a book that Mary Beth recommends to help you process your emotions.
    • This doesn’t mean to be dramatic or self-absorbed in your own feelings. But, when you feel sad, go ahead and cry. Let your feelings release. Don’t have anxiety about emotion because that only makes the feeling worse.
    • Like Jesus took the burden of our sins, you take the burden of your emotions. Don’t just pick and choose because that won’t give you the complete healing you’re looking for.

    An example of when Mary Beth dealt with her emotions:

    • Mary Beth had to sell the house where she raised her kids, and she was heartbroken.  
    • What did she do? Mary Beth let herself cry. As she walked through the house for the final time, she cried the entire time. And she had never let herself do that before.
    • Once she finished crying, she was done. She no longer felt sad because processing her emotions cleansed her.
    • We’re used to putting on a brave face anytime we feel anything. But permitting ourselves to process our emotions is what allows for healing.

    The takeaway from today? When you’re in need, gather your friends around you, feel your feelings, and support others as they move through the human experience. 

    You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

    MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

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    13 mins