As Mary Beth moves past online dating, she’s found herself without the source of value and validation she relied on to feel her best. In today’s episode of RediscovHER, Mary Beth discusses how she’s reclaiming that feeling and her thoughts in a world without men to validate her. 

Mary Beth steps into the darkness.

• With her dating profiles deleted, Mary Beth has been ending every relationship, contact, and conversation she’s had with a man.
• These were “backburners,” or guys you see only every once in awhile. They aren’t serious, but they just kinda float around. 
• Mary Beth has officially shut all of them down. Some guys took it well. Others she had to block.

What is Mary Beth’s next steps?

• For now, Mary Beth doesn’t have a job and isn’t working on any major projects. She got to thinking, “what is my purpose?.”
• Before, she was busy taking care of her children, her job, or even dating online.
• But her kids don’t need her, and she is no longer looking for someone else to validate her feelings of worth. So what’s her purpose?
• Talking to guys served as a distraction so Mary Beth didn’t have to think about these things.
• Growing up in a household with addiction did not set Mary Beth up to believe in herself. It fosters codependency - when you find value in how other people react to you.

Mary Beth looks to her Heavenly Father for support:

• Mary Beth is overcoming this tendency for external validation by focusing on her religious values.
• Jesus and the Heavenly Father are involved in all of our lives. Mary Beth is trying to remember that everything happens for a reason, and God wanted her to go through these things.
• She asked God why she craves a husband to the point where it dominated her thoughts and prayers.
• Mary Beth had to realize that no man will ever be perfect enough for her. There will never be a man who can validate her the way she wanted. (She craved the person who validated her. AKA the most codependent behavior possible.)

A departure from codependency:

• Mary Beth realizes she has a problem comparing herself to others. When everyone was quarantined and isolated by themselves, Mary Beth felt more validated.
• To overcome these feelings, Mary Beth cut every man off. She wants to face these validation fears and find validation within herself. 
• It’s a leap of faith - she has to accept that she’s alone. But while there isn’t anyone on this earth who is good enough, there is one above us who is: our Heavenly Father.
• For the first time in a long while, Mary Beth did not ask for a husband in her evening prayers. 
• It isn’t perfect - there are still times Mary Beth struggles. But they are becoming less and less frequent.

You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her and join the RediscovHER Facebook group.

MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

Sometimes it takes everything going right for someone to realize that it isn’t at all what they wanted. Mary Beth experienced precisely that, as she discovers the death of a dream on today’s episode of RediscovHer.

It started at the end of online dating.

• As she signed out of her online dating apps for the final time, Mary Beth was contacted by someone she’s known for over two years. 
• He was kind, considerate, generous, and thoughtful - everything Mary Beth thought she was looking for.
• Despite him being her ideal partner, it was moving too quickly. She needed to slow down, and that was because she wanted something nobody could give her.

What did she want that he was unable to give?

• Mary Beth knew what she wanted the relationship to look and feel like, but it wasn’t until she dated this guy that she realized it wasn’t about simply finding a relationship. It was about recreating her past. 
• Mary Beth realized that every time she dated someone with great qualities, she still wanted something more. And that “something” was her husband - something nobody in the world could replicate. 
• His death was the loss of a dream, and Mary Beth realizes she just isn’t ready to be in a relationship.
• She looks at the online dating experiences as a blessing from the heavenly father because he kept her entertained and distracted during the time of self-growth she needed. 

Moving forward without a man.

• Mary Beth is ready to be without a man. After two years since her husband’s passing, she’s at a point where she had the time and mental space to grow.
• Now she can let herself be alone and grieve the things she needs to grieve.
• When she was dating the nice man, all she wanted to do was take. She wanted to feel validated. She wanted to feel heard. She wanted attention. And yet, she wasn’t able to give much in return. Partially because she was overwhelmed from online dating, but also because she just wasn’t ready.

The importance of grief.

• Mary Beth realizes she is still grieving the loss of her husband and the loss of her mother. 
• She won’t only grieve the loss of the people, but she’ll also grieve the death of her dreams of clarifying situations that arose within those relationships.
• The grief process will take time, and Mary Beth is now willing and ready to dedicate the time she needs to sort out her emotions.

You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle

Mary Beth has explained many of the weird and creepy situations she’s had while online dating. But in today’s episode, she’s going to tell stories that finally pushed her over the top. The end of Mary Beth’s online dating saga is here!

She thought she found the complete package:

• He had a job, a car, a house, didn’t live with his mother, the total package. He even messaged Mary Beth immediately and tried to set up a lunch date.
• He started to look bad when he couldn’t be at their next date until 9:00, and it got awkward when he didn’t want a goodnight kiss.
• The third time they were supposed to meet, the date was changed four times (and only once because of Mary Beth.) When it finally looked like it was going to happen, he canceled last minute, saying he would explain later. He never did, but after Mary Beth asked him, he said there was a death in his family.
• He eventually came over to her house days after the canceled date and said he would see her the next day. But the day of, she got a text asking to change tonight’s dinner to tomorrow.
• At this point, Mary Beth was fed up. She told him she wasn’t happy with the way things were going, but he convinced her to keep seeing him.

The situation never got better.

• They planned a date for another night. But the day of, he texted her and said he wouldn’t be able to get there until 8:00, which was fine. But at 8:00, he changed it to 9:00. And at 9:00, he texted her and canceled.
• Mary Beth said she was looking for someone considerate of other people’s time, and he never answered back.
• A day later, he texted her asking for money but quickly said to disregard the message. 
• A while later, she got another text asking for $1500, to which she said, “please lose my phone number,” and blocked him. She later checked to see if he responded, and all he said was, “lol okay.”

Online Dating Takeaways:

• It’s not judgemental if you see red flags and react appropriately.
• Another man messaged he and asked if she was interested in dinner and drinks, and Mary Beth said she was free on Saturday night. However, he never followed up or made concrete plans.
• When she was in New York, she matched with someone who sent a detailed message describing what he wanted to do to her body. (An excellent reason to leave the online dating world.)
• Mary Beth thinks some men just collect women to see who they’d most like to take out on a date or get in contact with.

Maybe there is a reason men date online, and it’s because there’s a reason they can’t land a date with the women they know. Regardless, Mary Beth’s dating profiles have been deleted, and she’s ready to move forward with her life. Tune in to the next episode to find out what that is!

You can get in touch with host Mary Beth Rosebrough on Instagram @rediscov.her.

MUSIC CREDIT: AudioJungle