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First Page Feedback: Charlotte's Hunt for Glory

Beth and Lisa critique the opening page of a middle grade fantasy submission and pull out craft lessons for any writer working on those critical first pages.

The Submission

Charlotte's Hunt for Glory follows 12-year-old Charlotte through a morning routine steeped in grief for her late grandmother and sibling envy — anchored by a rich exploration of hair as identity.

What's Working

• A strong, warm first-person voice with real overall potential
• Efficient emotional layering: grief, envy, and identity all on page one
• Small character moments (sticking her tongue out at the mirror) that do big work

What to Work On

• No fantasy signal. MG fantasy readers expect an early hint of the fantastical — even one small touch. It needs to appear quickly.
• The "why now" test. Nothing distinguishes this morning from any other. Signal that this day changes everything (or something).
• Too much telling. The sister and family dynamics can be revealed through action and dialogue rather than description.
• Watch the clichés. Cascading down her back and stab of envy undercut an otherwise fresh voice.

Craft Takeaways

• Every sentence in your opening must earn its place — if it's not doing work, cut it.
• Most writers warm up in their first chapter. In revision, the real story usually starts later than you think.
• Don't delete cut material — save it. It may fit somewhere else (and if it doesn't, that's okay too).

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Writers with Wrinkles is hosted by Beth McMullen and Lisa Schmid.

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The One Where Nobody Ordered the Books | Beth McMullen & Lisa Schmid

Lisa Schmid shares a cautionary tale from the Sacramento Book Festival, where a series of logistical failures turned what should have been an exciting milestone — her first book festival — into a comedy of errors. A week before the event she discovered the bookseller had never ordered any books, resulting in last-minute scrambling, one copy secured, and Lisa packing 20 of her own into her son’s little blue racing-sticker suitcase. She then had to park seven blocks away and roll it through the crowds just to get in the door.

The takeaway from both hosts: never assume logistics are handled — confirm book orders, ask who’s responsible for what, and follow up all the way through. Beth admitted she’s largely stopped accepting event invitations after too many similar experiences. On a positive note, Lisa previews an upcoming signing at Old Haunts Bookshop in Granite Bay — a model of how it should be done. Next week: guest Kolby Sharp, booked as a “palate cleanse” and described as a breath of fresh air for book lovers.

Key Takeaways

• Confirm your books have been ordered — don’t assume
• Ask who’s handling logistics and follow up close to the event
• Bring your own copies as backup if you can
• Check the organizer’s track record before you commit
• One person’s decision can have a major ripple effect on authors, organizers, and readers

YouTube video version

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Imprint closures, layoffs, and reorganizations are rattling the publishing world. Literary agent and At-Home Author founder Vicki Weber joins Beth and Lisa for a candid conversation about what’s driving these changes—and what writers can do about it. From the surprising role Harry Potter played in the decline of middle grade to building an audience before you have a book deal, Vicki delivers practical strategies for navigating today’s shifting landscape.

About Our Guest
Vicki Weber is a literary agent, bestselling children’s book author, and founder of At-Home Author. She helps writers craft, publish, and market books across traditional and self-publishing, and shares industry analysis on her popular Substack.

What We Cover

• The wave of imprint closures (Roaring Brook, Dial) and editorial cuts at Simon & Schuster

• How Harry Potter’s escalating length contributed to middle grade’s long-term decline

• Why acquisitions are harder than ever—and why an editor loving your book is just the beginning

• The industry push toward commercial fiction and what that means for querying writers

• Vicki’s #1 querying tip: write another book and build a portfolio

• Reading between the lines of agent wishlists to craft standout queries

• Self-publishing vs. traditional: rising standards and honest pros/cons

• Overcoming bad sales track with pen names, pivots, and reframing your story

• Building an email list pre-publication with free stories, newsletter swaps, and cheap ads

• Vicki’s wishlist: adult psychological horror, horror-tinged thrillers, genre mashups with social commentary

Loved this episode? Subscribe wherever you listen, visit writerswithwrinkles.net, and send your questions for the next Ask Beth & Lisa episode. Until next time—happy reading, writing, and listening!

Support the show

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Find Full Episodes on YouTube!

Writers with Wrinkles Link Tree for socials and more!