What happens when four men from the Santa Cruz surf community strip away their tough exteriors and speak honestly about depression? This raw, powerful conversation breaks new ground as host Michael Howard and guests Jack Akrop, Neal Kearney, and Nick Borelli share their personal journeys through mental health struggles.

Michael opens with his story of battling depression since age 12, masking sadness with anger, and creating an identity as "the nice angry guy" in the lineup - a strategy that worked until his mid-40s when he could no longer outrun his demons. Jack reveals his experiences with bipolar disorder, describing the shame of not feeling grateful despite living in paradise and how helping others through coaching provides purpose. Neal shares how chronic physical pain led to depression and substance abuse, eventually finding healthier ways to manage both. Nick recounts feeling like a misfit since childhood and using alcohol to feel comfortable in his own skin.

The conversation dives deep into how traditional schooling affects boys' mental health, father-son relationships that shaped their sense of self, and the daily challenges of simply getting out of bed when depression hits. What emerges is a toolkit of strategies these men use to navigate dark days: service to others, exercise, nature immersion, and accepting "funky days" rather than fighting them.

Perhaps most striking is how these men - part of a surf culture often defined by competition and toughness - demonstrate the healing power of vulnerability. Their honesty creates a blueprint for authentic male friendship and community support that goes far beyond the water's edge. For anyone struggling with depression or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers both comfort in shared experience and practical approaches to finding light in the darkness.

What happens when a chef decides to break away from the late-night restaurant grind and bring high-quality, seasonal food directly to the people? For Cam Meyers, it meant creating Melrose Cafe, a "parking lot restaurant" that's transforming the Santa Cruz farmers' market scene one focaccia sandwich at a time.

Growing up in Santa Cruz's midtown neighborhood, Cam's culinary journey took her from local restaurant kitchens to the remote wilderness of Alaska, where she spent three years as executive chef at an eco-lodge accessible only by boat. There, faced with limited ingredients, she began perfecting her focaccia recipe – now the foundation of her thriving business back home.

The magic of Melrose Cafe lies in its radical simplicity and unwavering commitment to seasonal eating. Each Wednesday, Cam hand-selects ingredients from local farmers, transforms them into house-made aiolis and pestos on Thursday, mixes up to 150 pounds of dough by hand on Friday night, and rises at 4am to bake everything fresh before market. The result? Sandwiches so good that couples drive from Campbell every weekend just to get them, with lines forming before they're even set up.

Beyond creating delicious food, Cam represents a new generation of food entrepreneurs finding innovative paths between high-end restaurants and fast food. By eliminating the overhead of a brick-and-mortar while maintaining chef-driven quality, she's made truly local, seasonal eating accessible in a way that traditional restaurants often can't. When Cam says "you can buy everything in our sandwich right here at the market," she's not just sharing her sourcing philosophy – she's inviting customers into a more connected food experience.

Experience Melrose Cafe at the West Side Market (Saturdays) and Live Oak Market (Sundays) from 9am-1pm. Just don't ask when the tomato sandwich is coming back – you'll have to wait until they're perfectly in season, and that's exactly as it should be.

When Nick Borelli paddled out on his boogie board in 1980s Santa Cruz, he instantly became an outcast in a culture that prized standing on surfboards above all else. "If you boogie boarded, you were persona non grata," host Michael Howard explains, "the bottom of the totem pole." But this relegation to surf culture's lowest rung gave Nick a perspective few others share—one that would eventually inform his remarkable photography and approach to life.

In this deeply personal conversation, Nick takes us through his journey of growing up in what he calls "the ghetto" of Capitola Shores, where despite limited resources, he found freedom in the water. Through vivid storytelling, Nick reveals how Santa Cruz's notoriously rigid surf hierarchies shaped him, creating both wounds and resilience that would define his path forward. "I knew where I sit and it's been proven to me where I sit," he reflects, describing the often brutal social dynamics at legendary spots like Sewer Peak.

The heart of this episode explores Nick's struggles with depression and substance abuse—how surfing, alcohol, drugs, and food all became escape mechanisms. "I was living in a dark spot by myself and I wasn't telling anybody," he shares with striking candor. His turning point came during time in Boston, where he found both higher education and sobriety, learning to see himself and the world with newfound clarity.

Photography emerges as Nick's ultimate form of expression and healing. What began as an attempt to capture barrel shots and possibly gain acceptance evolved into something far more profound—a way of seeing beauty in moments others might miss. As Michael beautifully observes, Nick's unique viewpoint from a lower, humbler position reveals "a world under us" with "a different essence" that standing surfers never experience.

Listen to this remarkable conversation about finding peace through acceptance, seeing things as they truly are, and discovering art in unexpected places. Whether you're familiar with Santa Cruz surf culture or not, Nick's journey offers universal insights about authenticity, sobriety, and the courage to embrace your own unique perspective.