In this powerful episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, host Amy Kotha is joined by Diane Gould, LCSW - a veteran therapist, late-diagnosed autistic woman, and Director of PDA North America. Diane shares her personal journey to discovering her neurodivergence and how it informs her professional mission to amplify PDA awareness and advocacy across the continent.

Together, Amy and Diane dive into what it truly means for neurodivergent individuals - especially those with a PDA profile - to find their voice in a world that often misunderstands them. From school struggles and masking to identity, self-advocacy, and parenting with presence, this episode is rich with insight, validation, and practical wisdom.

Highlights:

• Diane’s late autism diagnosis and the surprising story behind it
• The founding and mission of PDA North America
• The power of lived experience in supporting PDA families
• Rethinking behavior through the lens of curiosity and nervous system regulation
• What it means to scaffold our kids' voices — not replace them
• A vision for a truly neurodivergent-affirming world

Resources & Contact:

• 📚 Navigating PDA in America by Diane Gould & Ruth Fidler
• 🌐 PDA North America www.pdanorthamerica.org
• PEERS®-Inspired Friendship & Relationship Program https://dianegouldtherapy.com/peers/
• 📧 Email: info@pdanorthamerica.org or dianegouldtherapy@gmail.com

✨ To learn more about Amy’s work or to get coaching support, visit www.amykcoach.com

What is it really like to grow up with a sibling who has PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) autism? In this powerful episode, I sit down with my daughter Devika -an autistic, ADHD teen herself - to talk about her personal experience as the sister of a PDA child. Devi shares openly about the emotional ups and downs, how family dynamics were affected, and what helped her feel seen in a home where one child needed constant support.

This heartfelt conversation touches on the invisible sibling role, neurodivergent family dynamics, and the unique challenges of being both a support system and a child navigating her own needs. If you’re a parent wondering how to support your neurotypical or neurodivergent child alongside a PDA sibling, this episode is a must-listen!

• Growing up with a sister who struggled with leaving the house for school created early confusion and stress
• Feeling the need to stay quiet and not express needs because they "weren't as important" as her sister's
• Taking on the "mascot" role in the family – using humor and distraction to cope with difficult situations
• Finding school to be a crucial escape from home life struggles
• The importance of discovering "safe people" outside the family who see you as an individual
• Learning that PDA outbursts aren't personal: "They take it out on you because they know you're somebody who will never leave them"
• How sibling relationships can evolve positively over time with understanding and communication
• Advice for siblings currently living through difficult family dynamics with PDA

Download the free guide "Invisible Roles in PDA Families" through amykcoach.com to explore the roles your children might be taking on and find ways to better support all family members.

How does growing up with a PDA sibling shape a child’s identity, needs, and voice? In this episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, Amy Kotha explores the often overlooked experience of siblings in families raising a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA autism).

Drawing from her own family’s story and her experience as a parent coach, Amy shares:

• How PDA shapes family dynamics and sibling roles
  
  
  
• Personal reflections on her daughter Devi’s journey as the sister of a PDAer
  
  
  
• A breakdown of common survival roles and how they show up in siblings
  
  
  
• Gentle, actionable ways to name, validate, and repair sibling experiences in high-stress homes
  
  
  

The concept of survival roles—like the Hero, Mascot, Lost Child, and Scapegoat—has its roots in family systems theory. But in the context of parenting neurodivergent or trauma-impacted children, I lean on the work of Robyn Gobbel, especially in Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She reframes these roles as nervous system adaptations, not character flaws—helping us see them with more compassion and flexibility.

Whether you're a parent carrying guilt, a sibling seeking understanding, or a professional supporting PDA families, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and hope.

🎧 Tune in to learn how to better support all the children in your home - not just the one in crisis.

🔗 Free printable: “Invisible Roles in PDA Households” available at www.amykcoach.com

🟡 Next episode: A powerful conversation with Amy’s daughter Devi on what it’s really like growing up with a PDA sibling!

Resource/Citation:

Gobbel, Robyn. Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: The Neuroscience of Connection and Communication.

Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2023.