This PBSE episode (#283) delves into the delicate issue of couples disagreeing about boundaries during addiction recovery. It begins by emphasizing that boundaries exist to protect authenticity and safety rather than to control others, underscoring the need for each partner to clarify and communicate their genuine wants and needs. The addict's resistance often stems from deeper issues like shame, pride, and a desire for autonomy, which can lead to avoidance and reactive recovery rather than proactive healing. The authors stress that open dialogue—where both parties seek to understand the underlying fears and desires driving their positions—is essential to move beyond rigid standoffs.

If authentic collaboration fails, the article acknowledges the possibility of fundamental incompatibility, where the couple may need to assess whether their needs can coexist without compromising personal safety or integrity. This process is not about punishment but about recognizing the natural outcomes of unmet needs. The authors introduce the concept of outcomes versus consequences, reframing boundary enforcement as self-preservation rather than retribution, which helps reduce defensiveness and fosters healthier communication dynamics.

Consistent, transparent communication remains a cornerstone throughout the boundary-setting process, allowing both partners to navigate challenges proactively while reinforcing their commitment to mutual growth. The article ultimately frames boundaries as opportunities for deeper connection, healing, and intimacy. Whether couples find alignment or face difficult decisions about their compatibility, authentic boundary work offers a transformative path toward lasting relational health and personal well-being.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: What if my Addict Partner and I Disagree About Boundaries—Now What?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast Episode 282 tackles the emotionally complex question many betrayed partners face: “How long should my former addict partner maintain sobriety and recovery before I consider getting back with him?” Rather than offering a simple timeline, it reframes the question to focus on the quality and consistency of change in both partners. The article underscores that while time matters, what matters more is whether the former addict has shown verifiable growth—emotionally, behaviorally, and relationally. It also explores the partner’s own healing journey, highlighting that reconciliation can only be healthy if both individuals are actively working toward personal recovery.

Key concepts such as healthy interdependence, compatibility of emotional wants and needs, and the importance of dismantling codependency are explored in depth. The article argues that rebuilding a relationship requires a fresh foundation, not a return to old dynamics. It emphasizes the need to assess past relationship patterns honestly and cautions against letting nostalgia or loneliness drive decisions. Trial periods, structured re-engagement, and gradual “re-dating” are presented as useful tools for observing change before committing to full reunification.

Ultimately, the article advises that while a minimum of six months to a year of sustained recovery might serve as a general benchmark, it’s not the time alone that matters—it’s what’s been done with that time. Reconciliation should be based on real, observable transformation, not promises or hopeful thinking. When both partners take ownership of their healing and work toward becoming emotionally whole individuals, the possibility for reconnection becomes both healthier and more sustainable.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: How Long Should My Former Addict Partner Maintain Sobriety and Recovery Before I Consider Getting Back with Him?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast Episode 281, tackles the painful and familiar experience of betrayed partners who live in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for the next betrayal to surface. Centering around a listener’s heartfelt submission, the article outlines the emotional toll of repeated trauma, especially in relationships where staggered disclosures have prolonged the hurt. Despite doing some recovery work, the listener still struggles with fear, mistrust, and a lack of emotional safety, highlighting the core issue: how to move forward without continually bracing for disaster.

The discussion focuses on reclaiming personal power through sovereignty, healthy boundaries, and authentic voice. It emphasizes that although the betrayed partner did not cause the trauma, healing requires active steps toward self-care and emotional clarity. Instead of controlling a partner’s actions, effective boundaries are framed around one’s own needs, expectations, and non-negotiables. The hosts challenge the traditional model of boundary-setting, shifting the focus from rule enforcement to emotional empowerment. They also stress the importance of clearly communicating pain—not as a weapon, but as an invitation to intimacy and healing.

Ultimately, the episode encourages partners to prioritize themselves first. Whether or not the relationship survives, their well-being, authenticity, and voice matter most. Real connection, the kind partners yearn for, is only possible when both individuals show up with honesty and accountability. If the addict partner is unwilling or unable to do that, the betrayed partner can still reclaim safety, peace, and purpose. Through programs like Dare to Connect and a strong support network, partners can stop waiting for catastrophe and instead begin living intentionally, boldly, and on their own terms.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: As a Betrayed Partner, How Do I Stop Waiting Around for the Rug to be Pulled Out from Under Me—Again?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In PBSE Episode 280, Mark & Steve address the complex challenge faced by betrayed partners—especially those healing from porn or sex addiction in their relationships—who want to guide their teenage children toward healthy sexuality. It begins by acknowledging the emotional burden and conflict many betrayed partners feel, especially when trying to teach their children something they themselves are still struggling to reclaim. Drawing from a listener’s heartfelt question, the hosts emphasize that children are already receiving sexual messaging from the world around them, making it crucial that parents step up to provide a healthy, grounded counter-narrative rooted in respect, consent, and emotional connection.

The article challenges the outdated concept of “the talk” by promoting a new paradigm: sexuality should be an ongoing, evolving, and age-appropriate conversation that unfolds over years, not moments. Parents are encouraged to reflect on their own stories, recognize internal shame or awkwardness, and ensure that their emotional energy during these talks doesn’t unintentionally pass discomfort or judgment onto their children. The authors stress that kids are emotional sponges, and how parents talk about sex—more than just what they say—deeply influences how their children feel about their own bodies, desires, and relationships. This is why intentionality and preparation matter more than perfection.

Practical tools and resources are also discussed, such as those from Fight the New Drug, Defend Young Minds, and Covenant Eyes. The article affirms that even when a co-parent is absent or unsafe to engage in these conversations, there are still ways to ensure kids have positive, trustworthy influences. By speaking truthfully, embracing healthy sexual values, and modeling openness, betrayed partners can break generational cycles of secrecy, shame, and dysfunction. Each conversation—no matter how imperfect—is a step toward a legacy of empowerment, honesty, and loving connection.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: As a Betrayed Partner, How do I Talk to my Teenage Kids About Healthy Sexuality?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Podcast 279 confronts the painful contradiction many addicts face: a deep longing for intimate connection paired with a habitual avoidance of it. Through a heartfelt partner’s submission and personal reflections, Mark and Steve illustrate how addiction, as an intimacy disorder, fuels this cycle of wanting but not acting—of making promises without follow-through. The core issue often isn’t a lack of sincerity, but a profound disconnection from self, rooted in fear, shame, and survival-based behaviors that sabotage the very closeness being sought.

Mark & Steve emphasize that real intimacy demands risk, consistency, and emotional presence—there’s no “door number three” that offers closeness without vulnerability. Acting out behaviors like pornography offer a counterfeit form of connection without the discomfort of being seen or rejected. But for true healing and trust to take root, addicts must stop hiding behind avoidance and start showing up authentically, even if the steps are small. It’s about shifting from vocalizing good intentions to building consistent habits of connection.

Ultimately, the article issues a powerful call to action for those in recovery: don’t just say you want intimacy—prove it. Begin where you are, but begin. For partners still offering connection, your continued hope is meaningful, but it must be met with effort. And for addicts, real change starts not with grand declarations, but with the next honest, intentional step toward your partner and yourself.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Do you REALLY want Intimate CONNECTION or Not?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In this PBSE episode (#278), Mark & Steve delve deeply into a critical topic for betrayed partners—After enduring the deep wounds of a marriage ending due to porn addiction, stepping back into the dating world requires tremendous courage, self-awareness, and intentional preparation. We encourage betrayed partners to first focus inward, engaging in compassionate self-analysis to better understand past relational dynamics. Exploring areas like intuition, self-trust, self-esteem, and emotional dependency empowers betrayed partners to move forward not with fear, but with wisdom and strength. Becoming the most authentic, grounded version of oneself is the true safeguard against repeating old patterns and lays the foundation for building future healthy relationships.

In today’s culture, pornography exposure is virtually universal, making it essential to approach dating with realism rather than idealism. The goal isn’t to find someone untouched by porn but to find someone who has a healthy, honest relationship with their sexuality and emotions. Asking direct, vulnerable questions early in the dating process—such as inquiries about pornography use, emotional openness, and personal growth—helps quickly reveal whether a potential partner can offer true intimacy, honesty, and emotional safety. Partners must prioritize open communication and trust their intuition, recognizing that how someone responds to vulnerability tells them much about future relational potential.

Ultimately, despite the heartbreak of the past, the future holds great promise for those who choose growth and self-empowerment. Betrayed partners are not broken; they are stronger, wiser, and more capable of building deep, lasting love than ever before. By focusing on personal healing, leading with authenticity, and refusing to settle for less than emotional honesty and maturity, individuals can find real, meaningful connections. The painful past becomes not an anchor, but a stepping stone into a richer, healthier future filled with hope, intimacy, and fulfillment.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: How Do I Navigate the Dating World After My Marriage Ended Due to Porn?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

PBSE Episode 277 addresses a deeply personal and often overlooked consequence of pornography addiction: the loss of enjoyment in media that was once shared and meaningful within a relationship. The authors respond to a listener's question about whether he and his partner can ever again enjoy media that has been “pornified” through his addiction. They explain how sexual addiction often extends beyond explicit content to include distorted sexualization of characters and media, leading to feelings of betrayal, shame, and disconnection. The podcast highlights how the brain, once trained to objectify, cannot selectively compartmentalize those responses, making formerly innocent content triggering or painful.

Recovery, the authors argue, begins with sobriety—creating enough distance from compulsive behaviors and media to assess its true impact. Only after detoxing can individuals and couples explore the question of reclaiming media in a healthy, intentional way. The process demands deep self-honesty, a redefinition of personal boundaries, and meaningful conversations with one’s partner. Trust and safety must be reestablished through consistent behaviors, transparent communication, and a shared vision for healing. Practical tools like content filtering, media planning, and regular emotional check-ins are vital for navigating this journey thoughtfully and securely.

Ultimately, the article offers hope: while some things may not return to their previous form, many aspects of media and connection can be redeemed. This requires letting go of black-and-white thinking and embracing a new, authentic relationship with media—one rooted in purpose, not compulsion. By learning to see people and experiences as whole, rather than as fragmented or sexualized, couples can rediscover joy, connection, and even innocence in their lives. The path forward may not restore what was lost in its original form, but it can lead to something even more meaningful—a deeper, shared way of living with clarity, connection, and freedom.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Habit of "Pornifying" Everything has Ruined EnJoyable Media for Me & My Partner!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Episode 276 addresses a question often asked by partners of addicts in recovery: “Do I have to wait for the formal amends process before I see real change?” The authors explain that real transformation in recovery should not be postponed until Steps 8 and 9 of the 12-step model. They draw a clear distinction between a simple apology and the deeper process of making amends, emphasizing that true recovery begins with personal accountability, transparency, and a willingness to face difficult truths—not with a formal ceremony or set timeline. Waiting for a specific step to begin meaningful repair in a relationship is not only unnecessary, but often counterproductive.

The article also explores why addicts may avoid transparency, citing both nefarious and sincere motivations. Some use recovery language as a shield to delay vulnerability or to avoid accountability, a behavior referred to as “weaponizing recovery.” Others may believe they need to handle everything on their own, often stemming from unhealthy family systems or distorted beliefs about responsibility. These patterns, while sometimes well-intentioned, still prevent the growth and emotional openness necessary for healing. The authors stress that full transparency should begin early in recovery, as emotional honesty is foundational for any real connection or rebuilding of trust.

For betrayed partners, the article offers a roadmap for reclaiming personal empowerment. It encourages them to build outside support systems, gain clarity about their own needs, and hold firm boundaries—not as a means of controlling their partner’s behavior, but to protect their own healing. The message is clear: real recovery is demonstrated through consistent honesty, presence, and vulnerability long before any formal amends are made. Partners do not have to—and should not—wait for a specific step before expecting accountability and meaningful change.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Do I Have to Wait for "Formal Amends" Process Before My Addict Partner Shows Any Real Change?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services