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What's the difference between reasonable, healthy privacy and unhealthy secret-keeping? That's the question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We're diving into the difference between privacy and secrecy, as well as on how this interfaces with the anxious need for information and the avoidant need for autonomy.

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In today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism shows up for anxiously attached people, how that differs from folks with avoidant patterns, and what it looks like to release the grip of perfectionism and find greater compassion and acceptance — for ourselves, our partners, and our relationships.

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How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to access when we're in a challenging season, the mistaken belief that self-compassion removes accountability, and how we can start to cultivate more kindness and self-validation when we need it most.

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Free resources for healing anxious attachment

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In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and protocols. We talk about focusing on the foundations — like sleep, nourishment, movement, and creating a supportive home environment — while also being mindful of what we don’t do, like overscheduling or saying yes from pressure.

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Free resources for anxious attachment

Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New Course

Many people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest — but in early dating, a lack of clarity is often the clearest signal in itself. The more meaningful question is why we stay engaged in dynamics that leave us feeling uncertain, rather than stepping back and asking whether this meets our needs.

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In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.

This initial period can feel overwhelming — full of grief, anxiety, confusion, and emotional swings. And while it’s natural to be in survival mode, there are small but powerful ways you can support yourself through this time rather than getting swept up in the chaos.

I share a practical roadmap for what to focus on (and what to avoid), so you can move through this chapter with more intention, self-respect, and care.

We cover:

• Why the early days after a breakup can feel so destabilising
• The two common nervous system responses: anxiety and shutdown
• How to create a supportive, calming environment for yourself
• The importance of maintaining basic self-care and routines
• Why boundaries (especially no contact) are so important
• The impact of screen time, social media, and rumination
• How to approach this period with intention rather than survival mode
• Beginning the process of reconnecting with yourself

✨ Free break-up training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working.

This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?”

In this episode, I unpack why this situation feels so triggering, what’s actually going on beneath the surface, and how to shift out of rumination and back into your own power.

We cover:

• Why seeing your ex move on can feel like “salt in the wound”
• The different ways anxious and avoidant people process breakups
• Why your ex’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your worth
• The illusion of their new relationship “working”
• How new relationship energy can mask underlying patterns
• The impact of comparison, rumination, and self-doubt
• Why focusing on your ex keeps you stuck
• How to set boundaries and reclaim your energy

Resources

• For free resources on break-ups and anxious attachment, click here.
• Check out my break-up course Higher Love here

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?

When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.

In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.

We cover:

• Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
• The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
• The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
• Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
• Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
• How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
• The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
• When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment

Resources

• Free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love