This is your News You do not Need podcast.
So, picture this. You’re groggily scrolling through the news this morning, coffee in hand, when you stumble on a headline that makes you question humanity’s collective life choices. No, it’s not about politics or celebrity feuds—no, no, those stories actually, unfortunately, matter. This one, I promise you, is about something we probably don’t need to know, unless you’re secretly a member of the Society for the Preservation of Bizarre News.
In the past 24 hours, somewhere in the great American expanse, a local July 4th celebration went up in literal flames—all because, as it turns out, handling fireworks and wide open fields is a combination best left to action movies or insurance adjusters’ nightmares. During what I can only assume was a heartwarming, apple-pie level gathering of cowboys, someone decided that fireworks in the fields would be the cherry on top. And, shocker, the grass caught fire. Cue panicked running, probably some screaming, and at least one person frantically waving a picnic blanket like they were auditioning for a rodeo version of Riverdance.
But here’s where it gets even better. The story didn’t end with the fire. Nope. This was the kind of day where embarrassment snowballed. After the field was thoroughly crisped, the group had to explain the whole thing to firefighters—who, I imagine, have a “July 4th Darwin Award” bingo card in the break room. So next time someone tells you, “Don’t play with fire,” remember, there’s an entire field in Wyoming or Colorado—or maybe both—that now serves as testament to what happens when you combine patriotism, pyrotechnics, and poor judgment.
Now, if you’re thinking, “Could this possibly get weirder?” say no more. Because tucked away in the same cluster of oddities, someone shared a college prank story that really sets the bar. Imagine taping yourself banging on a refrigerator door, screaming for help, then hiding the tape recorder in someone’s car trunk on a busy street, just to see how many people—and, inevitably, the police—it would attract. The result? A crowd of concerned citizens, a bewildered car owner, and a police officer with a story that probably starts with, “You’ll never believe what happened on College Avenue today.” If you ever wonder why people go into law enforcement, it’s probably for moments exactly like that.
So, if you woke up today thinking your life was strange, or maybe pondering whether you needed a bit of excitement, let me assure you, the world is already spinning out enough bizarre stories for all of us. Somewhere, someone is still attempting to explain to their insurance agent why “patriotic mishap” is now a coverage category, while someone else is desperately hoping their old prank tapes never surface on social media. And you, lucky listener, now know just a little bit more about the world’s supply of unnecessary, utterly weird news. Because sometimes, not knowing was probably the better option, but where’s the fun in that?
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3 mins