This episode of The Arena features host Linda McGlaughlin (also referred to as Linda McLaclin) in conversation with guest J. Paul Nadeau. The podcast is recorded in the city of Hamilton, and the host opens the episode with an acknowledgement of the traditional First Nations territories upon which the city is situated.

The Host

The host is Linda McGlaughlin, who welcomes listeners "to the arena where sometimes the hardest part is showing up". She is preparing for season 5 of the podcast and plans to introduce a live interactive version of upcoming interviews on Fireside Chat. This is Episode 49 of the podcast.

The Guest and Topic

The guest, J. Paul Nadeau, is an international keynote speaker, actor, coach, and best-selling author of the book, Take Control of Your Life. The core discussion revolves around his philosophy that we all have choices to make about the events in our lives and how they impact us.

The central theme is not being a hostage to your own mind or circumstances. J. Paul Nadeau draws this idea from his professional experience as an expert hostage negotiator. He explains that we often become hostages to ourselves by giving in to negative narratives drilled into us by past experiences or people (caregivers, bullies, etc.).

Useful and Helpful Information

1. Paul Nadeau’s Background and Philosophy:

• Nadeau had a difficult upbringing, including a violently abusive alcoholic father. His father killed himself when Nadeau was 16. Despite this, at 21, he chose his own destiny, becoming a police officer and sergeant in the Durham region outside of Toronto for 30 years.
• His extensive career also included roles as an expert interrogator, criminal detective, international peacekeeper, and instructor.
• Nadeau insists that whatever happens to you does not define you; you define what happens to you. He cites Victor Frankl, noting that how you respond to events is what matters.
• He advocates for changing one's mindset: recognizing that we can "unhostage ourselves" by changing the negative narrative. We must police our thoughts daily and challenge negative prehistoric narratives.
• He sees major changes and setbacks, such as a surprising divorce that occurred just after he retired from policing, as opportunities.
• Nadeau believes that the abuse he suffered was ultimately a "gift" because it challenged him to grow up and become a police officer who went on to save and help people through trauma.

Key Concepts for Listeners:

• Courage: Living a courageous life means living without fear and stepping into various levels of courage (physical, moral, spiritual, social, intellectual). The greatest things lie beyond our fears.
• The Landlord of Your Thoughts: Nadeau uses the metaphor of being a landlord: if you are the landlord of your own thoughts, you can choose which tenants (thoughts) you allow in, kicking out the negative, noisy ones.
• Rejecting Victimhood: He challenges the idea of remaining in a state of victimhood and blaming past actions or abuse for current behavior. He argues that this is a "copout" and that you are not a product of your past, but a product of your present choices.
• The Power of the Present: Nadeau stresses the importance of the present moment, which he calls a "gift". He advises against dwelling in the past ("the poor me hotel") or focusing too much on future plans, instead urging listeners to make the best of this very moment of your life.
• Legacy and Choice: Nadeau’s goal is to leave the world better than he found it by sharing his philosophies and books. He emphasizes the six-letter word "choice". He reminds listeners that "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," but adds that you must take whatever amount of steps you need to take to make that journey a reality.

Analogy: Nadeau's philosophy is like navigating a ship. While you can't control the storms (past events or circumstances), you hold the wheel (your choices) and the map (your mindset), allowing you to actively set your course toward an extraordinary destination, rather than letting the current simply drag you backward into the wreckage of yesterday.

This episode features a long-awaited conversation between host Michael and guest Paul Nadeau, a former hostage negotiator, international peacekeeper, and detective Michael expressed his thanks that they finally connected, and both men gave a shout-out to their colleague and friend, King.

The interview was recorded at the end of October 2025 and delves into Paul's intriguing and impactful 32-year career, 20 of which were spent working in major crimes.

The Journey into Law Enforcement and Negotiation

Paul explained that his path to becoming a policeman was set at a young age. After suffering abuse from his father, he promised himself at age seven, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a policeman so I can arrest you". Later, his father took his own life with the same rifle he had used years earlier to kill "Santa Claus".

Paul began working at ages 13 or 14 to pay room and board, which unknowingly taught him negotiation skills and an ability to communicate with adults and read people. After his father died, Paul joined a suicide hotline in Oshawa, Ontario, where he was trained for months and spent hours listening to suicidal people, preparing him for a police career.

Paul shared the pivotal moment that demonstrated his natural negotiation ability: a 911 call where he was the first responder to a man attempting suicide. The man had a noose around his neck, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a box cutter. Though Paul was not yet a hostage negotiator, he began talking to the man as he would have on the suicide line. About 40 minutes later, Paul talked the man off the chair, realizing he had a special talent. This experience later encouraged him to apply for and pass the tests to become an RCMP-approved hostage negotiator.

Paul noted that the events he suffered when he was younger actually happened for him, and he encouraged listeners to consider how past trauma may have shaped them into who they are today, urging them to "let go of the pain".

The Hostage Effect

The conversation turned to Paul's latest book, The Hostage Effect. Paul posits that a huge part of the world is currently suffering from this condition, which he describes as a "psychological virus".

• Definition: The Hostage Effect occurs when people feel like hostages without the use of bars, cells, or chains, due to uncertainty, fear, and manipulation.
• Causes: This feeling stems from current global issues, including wars, governments eroding democracies, and daily announcements that threaten citizens' lives. Paul cited examples of governments attempting to pass bills that threaten privacy and free expression, leading to widespread anxiety and fear. He noted that when he was in the Middle East, he saw an entire country held hostage through this fear and manipulation.
• The Book as a Guide: Paul emphasized that The Hostage Effect is a blueprint and call to action that offers awareness and steps to take control of one's mental wellness. It serves as a guide for people to retain their autonomy and agency.

Michael praised the book, calling it a "gamechanger" that provides renewed awareness, hope, and "quite frankly permission to take back control of your life".

Core Lessons Learned

Paul shared two valuable lessons he learned throughout his career that listeners can immediately use in their lives.

1. We are more similar than we are different: Paul noted that regardless of skin color, preferences, or religion, "We all laugh, love, and bleed in the same way". This realization allows individuals to imagine what it's like to be in another person's shoes, fostering compassion and effective communication. Paul used this approach in units like sexual assault and child abuse, understanding that if he were the victim, he would want a compassionate officer to approach him.
2. You get what you give: If you approach others with dignity, respect, passion, and understanding, you are likely to receive the same in return. Paul provided powerful examples of this lesson in action: a terrorist saved his life because of how he had treated him in the Middle East, and criminals came to his defense when he was being beaten because of ways he had treated them in the past.

Paul stressed the importance of focusing on the things we can control, citing Victor Frankl, who said that everything can be taken away but "our power to choose our responses to the situations that we're in".

Listeners interested in finding out more about Paul's work or his book can run his name through the internet or AI.

In this episode, we dive deep into the one thing that separates those who rise above from those who stay stuck: mindset. The truth is, your mindset shapes everything—from your relationships to your career to your overall sense of purpose. And the best part? The quality of your mindset is a choice you get to make every single day.

We’ll break down how to recognize your true value and stop the endless habit of comparing yourself to others. You’ll learn about the Four Rooms of Consciousness, a concept shared by actor Glenn Morshower, which helps you identify where you’re living mentally—from the Room of Impossibility to the Room of Inevitability, where success becomes your natural state.

We’ll talk about energy—how to raise it, protect it, and use it to attract better people and opportunities. You’ll also learn how to take a hard look at your life, celebrate your wins, cut out what’s toxic, and rediscover your purpose.

Finally, we’ll discuss why focusing on the process, not just the outcome, is the key to growth. As Bryan Cranston once said, your job isn’t to get the role—it’s to give your very best performance. The same is true in life: you can’t control the outcome, but you can always control the energy and intention you bring to every moment.

If you’re ready to shift your mindset, elevate your energy, and make success inevitable, this episode is for you. Mindset | Motivation | Personal Growth | Success Habits | Mental Wellness | Inspiration | Life Lessons | Emotional Intelligence | Mindset Mastery | Personal Development

In this episode, J. Paul Nadeau—former hostage negotiator, international peacekeeper, and author—reads the powerful opening of his new book The Hostage Effect. Part political alarm and part self-help guide, this book exposes how fear, misinformation, and creeping authoritarianism are quietly eroding freedom across North America and beyond. Drawing on real-life negotiations and high-stakes experiences, Paul shows how the same psychological tactics used on hostages are now being deployed on entire societies—and how you can resist them.

This episode offers a gripping preview of a book designed to wake you up, arm you with practical tools, and help you stay sane, strong, and free in a world that often feels out of control.

If this message resonates with you, please help share it. Pick up your copy of The Hostage Effect on Amazon and, if you find it valuable, leave a 5-star review. Your support not only spreads the word but also helps others discover a guide to reclaiming their agency and breaking free from the invisible chains of fear.

n an engaging interview on SiriusXM's "Cordially Yours," host Charles McFersonson converses with Paul Nadeau, an esteemed hostage negotiator, former detective, and author. Nadeau shares insights from his extensive career, contrasting real-world negotiations with their cinematic portrayals. He emphasizes the critical role of building trust, maintaining a calm demeanor, and allowing time for individuals in high-stress situations to process information. Nadeau introduces his "PIE" (Planning, Intent, Engaging) framework for effective communication and negotiation, highlighting the importance of respecting the "client"—even if that client is a hostage-taker or a murderer. The discussion extends to broader applications of negotiation tactics in personal relationships, stressing the value of active listening, empathy, and seeking mutual understanding over simply "winning" an argument.

🎙️ Podcast Summary: The Hostage Effect – This Isn’t Just a Book. It’s a Warning.

Duration: 42 minutes

In this gripping, no-holds-barred episode, former hostage negotiator and international peacekeeper J. Paul Nadeau pulls back the curtain on the psychological warfare quietly eroding our freedom—from within.

You'll hear the chilling true story of two young boys locked in a cage, a moment that became the emotional heart of the book and a metaphor for the silent captivity millions are living under today. It’s raw, real, and unforgettable.

This episode dives deep into the meaning behind The Hostage Effect—how fear, media manipulation, division, and trauma have turned modern society into a battlefield for your mind. And more importantly, how to break free from it.

🔊 Whether you're feeling anxious, angry, helpless—or just numb—this conversation was made for you. 📘 The paperback is now available. 💻 The eBook is on sale for the price of a latte. 🎧 Start with this episode. Then read the book. Then reclaim your freedom.

"They weren’t criminals. They were just boys. Locked in a cage. That moment broke something in me—and opened my eyes to what we’re all being trained to ignore."

Welcome to a podcast that promises to reshape how you approach negotiation and communication. Based on J. Paul Nadeau’s acclaimed book Dammit, Just Ask!, this series draws from Paul’s extraordinary career as a hostage negotiator and Special Victims Unit detective to deliver actionable insights and transformative strategies.

At its heart is Nadeau’s philosophy of “We, Not Me”, encouraging listeners to abandon confrontational tactics in favor of collaboration and connection. This mindset prioritizes respect and understanding, creating outcomes that benefit all parties involved.

Here’s what you can expect from the podcast:

Listeners will explore the PIER framework—Planning, Intent, Engagement, and Relationships—a step-by-step approach that turns complex negotiations into manageable conversations. Each element will be broken down with practical strategies to help you plan meticulously, clarify your intent, and engage authentically for lasting, meaningful relationships.

Drawing from compelling stories, such as his transformative interaction with a young offender named Aaron, Paul highlights the power of establishing trust—even in the most high-pressure situations. Relationships are the foundation of successful negotiations, and this podcast reveals how to foster them effectively.

True understanding goes beyond words. The podcast delves into techniques like active listening and Nadeau’s unique soulful listening, which focuses on uncovering emotions, motivations, and unspoken needs. By listening deeply, you can connect with your counterpart on a profound level, paving the way for mutual understanding.

Learn how to identify and address your counterpart’s hidden fears and concerns—what Paul calls their “invisible nooses.” This client-focused approach not only builds trust but also encourages transparency, allowing for solutions that meet the needs of all parties involved.

The mantra is simple: “Dammit, Just Ask!” This podcast empowers listeners to overcome hesitations and ask for what they want, using well-planned strategies to increase their chances of success. Paul’s own experiences demonstrate how bold, effective asking can open doors to remarkable opportunities.

When faced with objections or heightened emotions, Paul introduces the PAID method—Pause, Assess, Identify, and Discuss. This technique offers a calm and constructive way to address challenges, maintain productive dialogue, and keep negotiations on track.

Drawing from Chris Do’s SALES framework—Serve, Ask, Listen, Empathize, Summarize—the podcast equips listeners with additional tools to enhance communication and drive better outcomes, whether in professional negotiations or personal conversations.

This podcast is more than just a guide to negotiation; it’s a masterclass in building trust, fostering connection, and achieving success with integrity. Whether you’re navigating high-stakes business deals or everyday challenges, Paul’s techniques will help you approach every conversation with confidence and purpose.

Prepare to be inspired, equipped, and empowered. With J. Paul Nadeau’s Dammit, Just Ask! podcast, you’re not just learning to negotiate—you’re learning to transform your approach to communication, relationships, and life itself.

Tune in, and let the journey begin!