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Flip Your Mindset

Flip Your Mindset

By: Stacey Uhrig
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About this listen

 Having spent over four decades overcoming childhood adversities and helping others with my post-traumatic wisdom, I decided to change careers and pursue my purpose at the age of 49. I became a Certified in Trauma Recovery, Rapid Transformational Therapy Practitioner, and Parts Work soon after, I launched Flip Your Mindset, a podcast that serves as a no-cost entry point for those looking to resolve their own traumas. Through Flip Your Mindset™, my goal is to help listeners transform their perspectives and see their lives through a new lens. As a foul-mouthed, unapologetic Buddhist enthusiast, I'm not afraid to use colorful language to express my emotions, but I draw the line at any derogatory or dehumanizing language. Join me and let's explore new ways to overcome life's challenges and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before. Thank you for listening.

flipyourmindset.substack.comStacey Uhrig Hygiene & Healthy Living Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Ep 144: Unlocking a Deeper Sense of Self: Trauma, Joy, and the Journey Within

    Ep 144: Unlocking a Deeper Sense of Self: Trauma, Joy, and the Journey Within
    Jul 14 2025

    In our latest podcast episode, we ventured into a profound conversation that bridges the clinical with the spiritual, the personal with the universal. Joined by the insightful Jesseca Banchy, a former ICU nurse turned holistic healer, we explored the complex landscape of trauma, our innate capacity for joy, and the transformative power of self-awareness.

    Jesseca Banchy, drawing from her unique perspective of witnessing trauma in both a clinical setting and through her own personal lens, offered a definition of trauma that transcends simple categorization. As she explains, trauma is not a singular event but a deeply personal and complex experience, different for every individual. It isn't always about physical violation or words of hatred; we are all sensitive souls, and the path to overcoming trauma is a journey of self-transformation.

    Key Insights from Our Conversation:

    * The Roots of Trauma: Jesseca Banchy explained that trauma can be deep-rooted, going back to our earliest experiences as infants and how we received, or were able to receive, love. This early sense of attachment, safety, and security is fundamental to our survival, as we are born reliant on others to meet our basic needs.

    * Survival vs. Joy: A fascinating point of discussion was the function of our bodies and minds. While our brains are fundamentally designed for survival, not necessarily happiness or joy, Jesseca believes we are also programmed for joy. Many animals, despite their survival instincts, are joyous creatures. The human experience is unique in that our complex psychology can sometimes get in the way of life's true essence.

    * Vibrational Alignment and Experience: Jesseca introduced the concept that our life experiences are often what we are vibrationally aligned with. While it can be a difficult concept to grasp, especially when faced with negative events, the idea is that what we feel emotionally inside can attract experiences that match that same vibration.

    * The Weight of Ancestral Trauma: We carry more than just our own lived experiences. Jesseca noted that if we can physically resemble our ancestors, it's possible we also transfer their pain and joy. The host added that from an epigenetic standpoint, we can carry experiences from up to seven generations back in and around our bodies.

    * The Problem with Modern Society: We are living in the most comfortable generation in history, yet we are also the most miserable. Jesseca suggests this is rooted in unresolved ancestral trauma and a societal disconnect from our true selves, fueled by materialism and a gluttonous, yet unfulfilling, lifestyle.

    * Personal Responsibility and Healing: A core theme was the power of taking responsibility for our own feelings and lives. Healing involves reclaiming that power, understanding what we will tolerate based on what we think we deserve, and making a conscious decision about what we want in life. It's a journey of self-transformation and connecting with a higher power.

    Jesseca Banchy has channeled her experiences, including walking through the pain of infidelity, into creating resources to help others. Her "uncheated code" is an automated, eight-week course specifically for women who have been cheated on, providing a simplified way to get results and overcome the debilitating pain of betrayal.

    Ultimately, the conversation was a powerful reminder that life is more beautiful than we often realize. Despite the hardships, there is immense joy and beauty to be found by enjoying the experience of being alive and connecting with ourselves and each other on a deeper level.

    To learn more about Jesseca Banchy's work, including life coaching, nutrition consultation, and flexibility training, you can visit her website at magneticsolehealing.org



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe
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    38 mins
  • Ep 143: The Invisible Scar: Unpacking Betrayal Trauma with Mr. Jay

    Ep 143: The Invisible Scar: Unpacking Betrayal Trauma with Mr. Jay
    Jul 7 2025
    The Invisible Scar: Unpacking Betrayal Trauma with Mr. JayWelcome to a new deep dive from Flip Your Mindset, where we don't shy away from the tough conversations that truly impact our lives. In our latest episode, I had the privilege of sitting down with Mr. Jay, a certified betrayal trauma practitioner and intra-personal relationship coach, whose insights into the silent suffering of betrayal trauma are nothing short of profound.You might think you understand "trauma," but betrayal trauma, as Mr. Jay explains, is a beast of a different color. It's not just what happens to you; it’s about who it happens at the hands of – someone you implicitly trusted.The Bridge That Collapses Beneath YouMr. Jay paints a powerful analogy: Imagine walking across a thin bridge, a mile above blazing fires and volcanoes, with your most precious loved ones in your arms. The smoke blinds you, and you instinctively reach for the hand of the person you trust more than yourself to lead the way. Then, without warning, the bridge collapses, and you realize the person you trusted most was holding the hammer. That, he says, is the feeling of betrayal trauma. Your mind is hijacked, you’re in primal panic, and you die emotionally, mentally, though not physically.This isn't just about spousal infidelity, though that's a common example. Betrayal trauma can come from a parent, a child, a boss, or even institutions like the medical or legal fields where you place your reliance and trust. It's a feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, and disempowerment that ravages your mind, body, and soul.The Secret Society of SufferingOne of the most isolating aspects of betrayal trauma, as Mr. Jay highlighted, is that it’s often a "secret society". Unlike other traumas where you might receive public support or bereavement leave, there's no "broken heart time off" when you discover infidelity. The shame and embarrassment mean many suffer in silence, feeling utterly alone.What's more, while other traumas affect the present and future, betrayal trauma uniquely "also affects the past". Your photo albums, familiar streets, and restaurants are tainted, robbing you of cherished memories. And it's deeply personalizing – leading to the painful question, "Why wasn't I good enough?".Betrayal Blindness: Our Brain's Double-Edged SwordWe often ask ourselves, "How could I have been so blind? I'm smart!". Mr. Jay explains the concept of:betrayal blindness, a term coined by Jennifer Freed. It's a part of our fight, flight, freeze nervous system, serving as our body's way of protecting us in the moment. Like Little Red Riding Hood ignoring her gut feeling to see her grandmother , we ignore red flags because the reality is too painful to accept. This temporary safety mechanism ultimately becomes our "worst enemy" , leading to self-disconnection and a more complex healing journey.The Wounds of the Betrayer: A Difficult TruthPerhaps one of the most challenging truths we discussed is this:"People with wounds are the ones that have affairs." Mr. Jay firmly states, "I've never worked with somebody that had an affair that was happy, healthy, and healed". This doesn't excuse the behavior – absolutely not. But it offers a crucial perspective that hurt often begets hurt. Often, betrayers are seeking to "numb, distract, avoid, cope" or simply to "feel seen" and "feel alive" , grappling with their own unhealed wounds.The Path Forward: From Venom to Wise TrustHealing from betrayal trauma is not about quick decisions. It's a journey that requires building a strong support system, conducting a needs assessment, and developing a "10, 10, 10 plan" for your future.A critical step is understanding and setting boundaries. Mr. Jay suggests starting by identifying your core values and inverting them into boundaries. Boundaries aren't about controlling others; they're about holding ourselves accountable. This process builds self-worth, self-image, and self-love, which are essential for making healthy decisions.Perhaps the most empowering takeaway is this: you must take 100% responsibility for who you are and how you show up in relationships, but take zero responsibility for someone else's choice to betray you. They had other options.As Mr. Jay wisely puts it, "Nobody has ever died from a snake bite. What people die from is when the venom gets into their veins and gets to their heart". The work of healing is to prevent that venom from permeating your entire being.Our brains are malleable and can heal. While we may not "completely heal" in the sense of erasing the experience, we learn to "manage trauma". The blessing lies in developing "wise trust" instead of blind trust and experiencing post-traumatic growth – becoming stronger, more realigned, and more purposeful than before the trauma.Connect with Mr. Jay for more resources and support: mrjayrelationshipcoach.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, ...
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    1 hr and 4 mins
  • Ep 142: Navigating the Storm: A Guide to High-Conflict Divorce and Parental Alienation with Susan Shofer

    Ep 142: Navigating the Storm: A Guide to High-Conflict Divorce and Parental Alienation with Susan Shofer
    Jun 30 2025
    On the latest episode of "Flip Your Mindset," I had the immense pleasure of sitting down with Susan Shofer, a powerhouse of knowledge and experience in a field that is, unfortunately, all too necessary: high-conflict divorce and parental alienation. This isn't just another conversation about divorce; this is a deep dive into the strategic, emotional, and often traumatic landscape that many, particularly women, are forced to navigate.As many of you know, I hold a special place for women going through high-conflict divorces. It's a process that doesn't just bring up the current abuse and control, but also pours salt into old wounds, leaving clients emotionally distraught and dysregulated. That’s why I wanted to bring Susan on. Her unique background as a licensed private investigator turned divorce coach gives her an unparalleled edge in understanding the logistics and strategies needed to weather this storm.Susan and I often collaborate on client cases, and as she puts it, it’s a partnership that helps clients navigate both the "clear edges" and the "messy middle" of their journey.What Exactly is a Divorce Coach?Many people aren’t familiar with the term, so I asked Susan to break it down. A divorce coach is more than just a life coach; they are trained professionals who understand the multifaceted nature of divorce. Susan, for instance, attended the CDC Coaching Academy for an intensive four-month program.A good divorce coach helps with:* Financial guidance, connecting you with experts like certified divorce financial advisors.* Emotional regulation during a time of fear and upset.* Ensuring your safety, especially if domestic violence is a factor.* Strategizing your behavior throughout the process, because as Susan notes, "a lot of our behaviors because we're triggered to respond, sitting back and think a little bit before we jump into it."Critically, Susan believes the first step in a divorce shouldn't be hiring a lawyer, but a divorce coach. Why? To build a strategy first. As she says, "I always recommend people do this very early in the game." Too often, clients come to her months into the process, feeling lost and with legal representation that isn't a good fit for their situation. It’s about creating a level playing field from the start.The Stark Difference Between Divorce and High-Conflict DivorceSusan laid out the landscape of divorce with striking clarity. About 85% of divorces are what she calls "normal." These are couples who grew apart and, while there might be some animosity, they make a concerted effort to be equitable and not involve the children.The other 15%? That's the high-conflict space. These aren't just difficult divorces; they are often battles against individuals who may have personality disorders like narcissism or psychopathy. Susan has a fascinating exercise for her clients: "ask yourself, what did you see? What was the red flag you saw before you got married?" Invariably, the signs were there. As she bluntly puts it, if you were married to a high-conflict person, "what do you think they're going to be when you go to get divorced, they're going to ramp it up."Unpacking Parental AlienationThis is where the conversation took an intense, but crucial, turn. Parental alienation is a term that gets thrown around, sometimes even weaponized, so I wanted Susan to define it from her expert perspective.Parental alienation, in its simplest form, is when one parent turns a child against the other parent. But the reality is far more insidious. It's a "behind the scenes indoctrination of changing the child's view of that targeted parent." The core of it, Susan explains, is fear. A child rejects a parent because they have been made to fear them.Susan powerfully distinguishes between estrangement and alienation:* Estrangement is when a child doesn't want to be with a parent for a valid reason.* Alienation is when a child has been indoctrinated to reject a parent.How can you tell the difference? The language. An alienated child often parrots phrases and concepts that are not their own. As Susan says, "when a six year old says I don't want to go to dad's house because his girlfriend's a w***e... Where does the six year old hear it?" These children can be verbose and show a startling lack of guilt about their rejection of the targeted parent. In contrast, a child who has been genuinely abused will often hide the abuse and still express love for both parents, despite the pain.This process is devastating, not just for the targeted parent, but for the child. Susan has collected stories from 327 adults who were alienated as children, and a common thread is the immense guilt they carry. One of the most heartbreaking questions she asks them is, "which parent were you really afraid of?" The answer is "hands down 100% the alienate[ing parent]."These children are not just manipulated; they are used as pawns. As one adult survivor told Susan, "they don't care about you. You're just something they ...
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    54 mins

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