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Have you ever completely lost your cool with your kid and then spent the next hour feeling like the worst parent alive? Family therapist and author of The Perfect Parent Trap, Lisa Taylor, has spent 25 years sitting across from families in crisis — and what she'll tell you is that in almost every single case, the child is not the problem. In this deeply honest conversation, Danielle and Lisa get into the real reason the teenage years can feel less like raising a family and more like surviving one, and what you can do about it.

Lisa introduces her concept of "Heartprints" — the invisible imprints from our own childhood that quietly drive our reactions under stress. When your teenager slams a door or goes into full shutdown, the heat you feel rising in your chest? That's rarely about them. This conversation is warm, practical, and full of the kind of insights that will make you stop mid-scroll and think: oh, that's me.

In this episode:

• 0:00 Introduction
• 4:30 Why parenting feels unsolvable
• 9:00 Behaviour is information, not a problem to fix
• 12:00 What's happening in your teenager's brain
• 17:00 Heartprints: how your childhood drives your reactions
• 24:00 Does the inner work ever end?
• 29:00 When your kid completely shuts down
• 34:30 Parenting from fear vs love
• 39:00 Why taking things away doesn't work
• 43:30 Screens and the technology experiment
• 49:00 Spicy brains, blended families and unmet needs
• 53:00 Protecting your relationship through the teen years
• 57:00 Why repair is more powerful than perfection
• 1:01:00 The five fundamentals
• 1:04:30 Danielle's thinking points

Resources mentioned: The Perfect Parent Trap by Lisa Taylor — available at Amber Press, Amazon, Booktopia and good bookstores

Lisa's website: strengtheningfamiliesaustralia.com.au

Lisa on Instagram: @lisataylor.au

Connect with Danielle:

daniellecolley.com.au

bigstuffpod@gmail.com

IG- @iamdaniellecolley

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In this episode, Danielle sits down with double ARIA Award-winning musician, Elana Stone, to explore what it really means to build a sustainable creative life when the entire economic system has shifted underneath you.

Twenty years into a career what looks successful from the outside - international tours, collaborations with incredible artists, awards and recognition - Elana opens up about the gap between external achievement and internal reality.

They dive deep into the brutal economics of streaming (spoiler: you need over a million streams a month just to earn minimum wage), the necessity of doing "everything" as an independent artist, and why creative sustainability often means piecing together multiple revenue streams rather than chasing the singular dream of "making it."

But this conversation goes beyond industry economics.

Elana and Danielle discuss the ego death that comes from loss and parenting, the tension between what we think we're supposed to want and what actually sustains us, and why community music-making - like the choir Elana leads - creates the kind of resonance and flow that reminds us why we do creative work in the first place.

From Elizabeth Gilbert's "one hour a day" practice to the question of whose definition of success we're actually following, this episode asks: How do you stay the course as a creative when it's so unreliable and uncertain? And what will matter more than any award or recognition when you're looking back at 80?

00:00 - Introduction03:45 - The Gap Between Success and Reality13:15 - The Economics of Streaming: How Musicians Actually Earn24:30 - Working in the Cracks: Multiple Creative Streams31:45 - Ego Death and Redefining What Matters40:30 - Why Choir Matters: Flow, Resonance, and Community48:00 - Creative Practice: Elizabeth Gilbert's One Hour a Day59:30 - What's Next and Letting Go of Old Dreams62:15 - Final Question: What Will Matter at 80?

Books mentioned:

• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
• Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert

You can find Elana's latest album tagged below, and find her at

IG: ⁠@elanastoneworld⁠

WWW: ⁠elanastone.com.au⁠

Support live music. Buy merch. Go to gigs.

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What happens when a Muay Thai champion decides the real fight isn't in the ring—it's saving boys from the stereotypes that are killing them?

Richie Hardcore knows exactly what happens when boys grow up watching men solve problems with fists and bottles. His father's severe alcoholism and the family violence that came with it could have destroyed him. Instead, it became his mission.

Now, as a White Ribbon ambassador and TEDx speaker, Richie walks into schools across Australia and New Zealand having the conversations most adults are too scared to have. He tells teenage boys it's okay to cry, to feel confused, to not have it all figured out. He works with incarcerated young men through The Rise Above Charitable Trust, showing them the violence can stop with them.

But here's what's keeping me up at night after this conversation: our boys are struggling more than we realize. They're ordering hard drugs via Uber. They're learning about sex from pornography that teaches the opposite of intimacy. They're consuming manosphere content that's gone mainstream—not Andrew Tate anymore (he's "cringe now") but gym influencers and self-help bros peddling the same dangerous messages about what it means to be a man.

And they're desperate for someone to tell them it's okay to take off the mask.

This is essential listening if you're:

• Raising or teaching boys and watching them shut down emotionally
• Worried about gender violence in your community
• Trying to understand what healthy masculinity actually looks like in practice
• Concerned about online radicalization and manosphere influence on young men
• Looking for actual conversations to have with the boys in your life

CONTENT WARNING

This episode contains frank discussions of family violence, alcoholism, substance abuse, sexual violence, domestic abuse, and the impact of pornography on young people. Listener discretion advised.

Resources mentioned -

• Jess Hill - "⁠See What You Made Me Do" ⁠(book on domestic violence and gender violence)
• Jess Hill -⁠ "Asking For It" ⁠(SBS documentary on consent culture)
• ⁠The Rise Above Charitable Trust ⁠- Richie's organization working with incarcerated youth
• ⁠Our Watch (Australia)⁠ - Gender violence prevention resources

CONNECT WITH RICHIE HARDCORE

⁠On Instagram⁠

⁠On Website⁠

If you enjoyed this episode, please share with just one person.

Connect with Danielle at danielle@daniellecolley.com.au or on ⁠Instagram⁠

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What happens when a tipsy joke about not being fun anymore cracks a marriage wide open?

A few weeks ago, I sat across from my husband at a café and told him he could leave. Not in anger - in complete pragmatic calm. These are my kids, this is my circus, you don't have to be here. If you want long lunches, freedom, a life without constant teenage conflict - you can have it. I won't hate you. I won't f#ck you over financially.

He laughed awkwardly. Then we both realised I was deadly serious.

This episode is about what led to that conversation - a flippant comment that stung because it was true, two external stories that reframed how I think about relationships ending, and what happened when we stripped away all the obligation and ownership and just asked: are we actively choosing this, or are we just existing in it out of habit?

It's messy. It's vulnerable. It's about grief and boredom and what it means to consciously choose your relationship every single day instead of white-knuckling through the hard bits hoping there's something left at the end.

And it's about rage rooms, sunset picnics, and whether "I'm bored and I don't want this anymore" is actually a valid reason to leave - or to stay and rebuild on purpose.

Key Timestamps

0:00 - Cold open: "You can leave. I won't hate you."
3:08 - The joke that wasn't funny
5:15 - The 30-year marriage that ended over boredom
7:25 - The couple who chose each other in 10-year increments
10:45 - Stripping away the "till death do us part" narrative
12:15 - The get out of jail free card conversation
14:30 - What happened when we talked again
15:45 - Date night reimagined (rage rooms > wine bars)
17:15 - The dinner table tinderbox
19:30 - Three entities: you, them, and the relationship
21:00 - "I don't know if we'll always choose each other"
22:45 - Two thinking points for you

Thinking Points

1. Are you in your relationships because you're actively choosing them - or because you're on autopilot?Romantic, platonic, family - are you there out of desire or habit? What would change if you gave yourself (and them) genuine permission to choose differently?
2. Where in your life are you actively, mindfully choosing to put your energy - and where are you just habitually existing? This applies to relationships, yes, but also careers, thinking patterns, daily routines. What needs conscious choice instead of default mode?

Mentioned in This Episode

• "Less" by Andrew Sean Greer
• Rage rooms as date night activity (highly recommend)

Connect

Find me at daniellecolley.com.au
Share this episode with someone navigating their own relationship crossroads
Drop a comment - I'd love to hear your thoughts on conscious choice vs. default mode in relationships

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Looking for love makes you vulnerable. And vulnerability? That's where shame lives.

Kylee Dennis knows this better than most. When her mum got love scammed after 25 years of being single, the thing that hurt more than the money lost was watching her carry the shame of it—too embarrassed to ask for help, too mortified to admit she'd wanted connection badly enough to believe someone who wasn't real.

Kylee spent nearly 14 years as a detective doing intelligence ops, undercover work, and crisis negotiations. She knew how predators operated. But what she didn't know until her mum's scam was how powerfully shame protects the criminals.

So she went undercover herself—creating fake profiles as a 67-year-old man and a 62-year-old woman to see exactly how scammers weaponize our longing for connection. What she found? Scams aren't about intelligence. They're about manipulation. And the vulnerability that comes with wanting love makes all of us targets.

This isn't just about romance scams. It's about shame, vulnerability, and the cost of staying silent.

Timestamps & Chapters

00:00 - Intro: The Vulnerability of Looking for Love
02:45 - When Kylee's Mum Got Scammed
07:30 - "I Just Feel Stupid": The Language of Shame
12:15 - Going Undercover on Dating Apps
18:40 - What Scammers Really Do (and How They Share Tactics)
24:20 - Life as a Female Detective in the 1980s
32:50 - "Men, Police Dogs, Then Police Women"
38:15 - The Pawn Shop Undercover Operation
43:00 - Identity Loss: From Detective to Stay-at-Home Mum
48:30 - "I Was Just a Plus Guest"
52:10 - Finding Purpose Through Two Face Investigations
56:20 - The Power of Helping Just One Person
58:45 - TikTok Scammer Universities & Dark Rituals
63:15 - Human Trafficking & Scam Compounds in Myanmar
66:40 - "Where Is the Money Going?"
68:30 - How to Stay Safe: Pause, Check, Ask
70:15 - Final Wisdom on Shame & the Vault

Connect with Kylee:

• Instagram: @twofaceinvestigations
• Website: twofaceinvestigations.au

Dating Safety Tips:

1. PAUSE - Look at the profile carefully
2. CHECK - Verify photos using reverse image search
3. ASK - Get a trusted friend or family member to review the profile
4. MEET - Always meet in person in a safe, public location
5. TELL SOMEONE - Keep people in the loop about who you're talking to

If You've Been Scammed:

• Contact your bank immediately
• Report to Scamwatch (Australia): scamwatch.gov.au
• Tell someone you trust—shame thrives in silence

Support the Show

If this episode resonated with you, please:

• Share it with someone who needs to hear it
• Leave a rating and review
• Subscribe so you never miss an episode

Connect with Danielle:

• Website: daniellecolley.com.au
• Instagram: @iamdaniellecolley
• Email: bigstuffpod@gmail.com

Enjoyed this and want to let us know? Drop us a text

Your body's keeping secrets from you. Not because it wants to hide things, but because you've been taught to ignore, shove down, and repress experiences, thoughts, and feelings you haven't had the time or resources to handle. That knot in your stomach when you say yes but mean no? Your body remembers. The exhaustion you can't explain? Your body is screaming. The anxiety that shows up for "no reason"? Your body has reasons - you're just not listening.

In this Big Stuff summer series episode, host Danielle Colley explores the concept that our bodies don't just keep the score of trauma - they keep the story. Drawing from Bessel van der Kolk's groundbreaking work and somatic psychologist Ailey Jolie's research on women's nervous systems, Danielle weaves together three powerful stories of bodies that refused to be ignored any longer.

Carolyn's hair fell out in clumps, forcing her to redefine identity beyond appearance in an industry obsessed with looks. Danielle shares her own crash at 47 - perimenopause stripping away the coping mechanisms that had hidden undiagnosed ADHD for decades. And Preston O'Brien's body held childhood sexual abuse and decades of shame until he learned that healing wasn't about stopping behaviours - it was about learning to feel again.

This isn't about fixing your body. It's about finally hearing what it's been trying to tell you.

Chapters:

• [00:00] Introduction - Your Body's Keeping Secrets
• [03:40] Carolyn Ozkoseoglu - When Your Hair Falls Out in Clumps
• [08:25] Autoimmune Diseases and the Stress Connection
• [11:30] The Betrayal of Changing Bodies (Pregnancy, Aging, Illness)
• [15:20] Danielle's Panic Attack - Body Keeping Score After Mum's Death
• [18:45] The Crash at 47 - Not Wanting to Get Out of Bed
• [22:30] Perimenopause Unmasking ADHD After 47 Years
• [26:15] Preston O'Brien - Pinky the Teddy Bear and Childhood Trauma
• [30:40] How the Body Stores Trauma (Whiskey, Tobacco, Sensory Memories)
• [34:20] Women's Bodies Keep the Story, Not Just the Score
• [37:50] Learning to Listen - What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You?

Total Episode Time: 41:15

Guests Featured:

• Carolyn Ozkoseoglu (Alopecia journey)
• ⁠Preston O'Brien⁠ (⁠The Triumphant Man⁠ -Men's mental health advocate, trauma survivor)

Resources Mentioned:

• "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
• Ailey Jolie (British somatic psychologist on women's nervous systems)
• ACE Test (Adverse Childhood Experiences)
• The Chocolate Bar Life by Danielle Colley

Connect: If your body has been screaming and you've been ignoring it, reach out to a trusted friend, or seek professional advice to get a plan for next steps.

Contact Danielle to learn about the work she does and see if it's right for you.

danielle@daniellecolley.com.au

or ⁠@iamdaniellecolle⁠y

Enjoyed this and want to let us know? Drop us a text

"Everything happens for a reason" - sometimes those words feel like a punch in the gut when you're drowning in grief, fear, or anger. But what if there's a different way to look at life's hardest moments that doesn't feel like toxic positivity?

In this Big Stuff summer series episode, host Danielle Colley weaves together four powerful stories that explore whether life happens TO us or FOR us. From comedian Jordana Borensztajn bombing so badly on a cruise ship she called it "the floating prison of shame," to Imogen Carn losing her mum to suicide and channeling her rage into The Grief Files podcast that's helped hundreds of thousands, to Vashti Whitfield losing her husband Andy at 39 and reframing tragedy, to Preston O'Brien's rock bottom becoming his greatest gift.

This isn't about pretending everything is fine or denying pain. It's about trust. About redirects versus failures. About the difference between giving up and letting go. It's about asking "what can I create from this?" instead of "why is this happening to me?"

Danielle also shares her own journey through her father's death that redirected her entire career, and her current navigation of her mother's recent death - the wreckage, the gifts hidden in grief, and learning to trust the redirect even when you can't see where it's going.

Chapters:

• [00:00] Introduction - The Problem With "Everything Happens For A Reason"
• [02:45] Jordana's Floating Prison of Shame
• [07:20] Creativity as Resilience - What's the Next Best Thing?
• [10:15] Imogen Carn - Losing Mum to Suicide
• [14:30] The Investigation and The Light
• [16:45] "It's Something You Have to Find For Yourself"
• [18:20] Danielle's Wreckage After Dad's Death
• [21:40] Vashti Whitfield - This Is Happening TO Us AND FOR Us
• [25:10] Can We Say Mum's Death Is Happening FOR Me?
• [28:35] Preston O'Brien - Becoming the Inspiration He Was Looking For
• [30:50] Four Redirects - What Can You Create From This?
• [33:20] Final Reflection - Trust the Redirect

Guests Featured:

• ⁠Jordana Borensztajn (Communications expert, author of The Little Book of Influence)⁠
• ⁠Imogen Carn (Co-host of Good Mourning podcast)⁠
• ⁠Vashti Whitfield (Transformational facilitator, co-creator of Be Here Now documentary)⁠
• ⁠Preston O'Brien (Men's mental health advocate, founder Triumphant Man)⁠

Connect: If this episode helped you see your challenges differently, share it with someone navigating their own redirect. Tell us about a time something you thought was happening TO you turned out to be happening FOR you.

Enjoyed this and want to let us know? Drop us a text

A listener wrote in feeling completely torn apart by the weight of expectations. Family expectations, societal expectations, and the brutal “shoulds” we place on ourselves.

In this How Are You Really? episode of Big Stuff, Danielle unpacks what it costs us when we say yes to someone else’s vision… and no to our own. Whether your dream is travelling the world, changing careers, choosing not to have kids, leaving a relationship, studying later in life, or stepping out of the role everyone assigned you, this episode is about reclaiming your one big, bold, beautiful life.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why expectations are often rooted in love (and still feel suffocating)
• The difference between aligned choices vs paying the imaginary debt of expectation
• Why you’re not choosing between two options — you’re choosing between two identities
• The #1 regret of the dying (from The Five Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware)
• How to share your truth with love, ask people to trust you, and stop abandoning yourself
  
  

If you’ve been feeling “confused,” this might be the truth:
You’re not confused about what you want, you’re questioning whether you’re allowed to want it.

People will be okay if you live your own life… but will you be okay if you don’t?

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:15 Listener's Dilemma: The Weight of Expectations

03:53 Unpacking Family and Societal Expectations

08:19 The Importance of Self-Permission

11:30 Living True to Yourself: Lessons from the Dying

15:06 Navigating Personal Choices and Expectations

22:26 The Role of Self-Worth and Success

30:26 Final Thoughts and Season Wrap-Up

Connect with Danielle:

See her website - https://daniellecolley.com.au/

But the Chocolate Bar Life book - https://www.thechocolatebarlife.com.au/buy-book

Find her on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/iamdaniellecolley/

Connect on Facebook - https://web.facebook.com/IAmDanielleColley/?_rdc=1&_rdr#

Watch on Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@iamdaniellecolley

Check out her substack - https://substack.com/@iamdaniellecolley?utm_source=user-menu