Perimenopause libido dropping after 40? If sex feels different—lower desire, more dryness, shorter fuse, less connection—your hormones (not your relationship) may be the missing piece. In this episode of Ask a Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon talks with board-certified OB-GYN + functional/integrative hormone expert Dr. Tara Scott about the most common hormone shifts that impact women’s sex drive across postpartum, perimenopause, and menopause—and why women’s desire is often more “Goldilocks” than linear (too little or too much estrogen can cause problems).

You’ll learn how hormone testing can be interpreted when timing is right, why blood levels don’t always match what’s happening in your tissues, and how chronic stress can quietly deplete DHEA and testosterone (even in your 30s and 40s). Dr. Scott also breaks down practical, realistic ways to support hormone health—movement, food quality, sleep, stress tools, and reducing endocrine disruptors—without trying to overhaul your entire life overnight. If you’re dealing with low libido, vaginal dryness, painful sex, fatigue, sleep changes, or irritability, this conversation will help you understand what’s normal, what’s treatable, and how to advocate for better care.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Hormonal Health

01:22 Understanding Hormonal Shifts Throughout Life

03:41 Differences in Male and Female Libido

14:00 Personalizing Hormonal Treatment

28:46 The Impact of Lifestyle on Hormonal Balance

Want to address the emotional and psychological factors blocking your sex life?

Request a free consultation for coaching/therapy with Heather or a member of her team here: Booking A Consultation With The Right Person

Learn more about our guest Dr. Tara Scott at:

Website - https://drtarascott.com/

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@TaraScottMD

Effective this Friday, the show will be called "Sex For Couples" instead of "Ask A Sex Therapist." Make sure to follow the show so you don't lose it. This is to reflect who we are serving and the fact that the current format often tackles topics that are common for couples, but isn't necessarily focusing on answering questions posed to a sex therapist. So, just trying to be more accurate. FYI, we'll still do some listener Q & A episodes here and there! The artwork will be a bit different as well, but will use the same image of me.

If you want to see what the new artwork will look like, you can check out the YouTube channel. Click on "Playlists" to find the podcast feed.

Comment here if you have any thoughts or questions!

Summary

Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon explores the complexities of sexual awkwardness and the pressures that come with performance in intimate relationships. She discusses the importance of shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset regarding sexuality, emphasizing the need to connect with one's body rather than living in one's head. Heather also delves into the protective parts and wounds that can hinder sexual expression and the judgment that often accompanies feelings of inadequacy. The episode concludes with an announcement about the podcast's rebranding to 'Sex for Couples', aimed at helping individuals in committed relationships navigate their sexual lives with confidence and joy.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Awkwardness in Sexuality

02:38 The Pressure of Performance in Sex

05:17 Mindset Matters: Fixed vs. Growth

07:55 Living in Your Head vs. Your Body

10:55 The Impact of Past Experiences

19:06 Judgment and Authenticity in Sexuality

20:50 Podcast Transition: New Name and Focus

Curious about working with Heather or someone from her team?

Book A Free Consultation

Keywords

sexuality, sexual energy, performance anxiety, self-acceptance, growth mindset, intimacy, relationships, sexual confidence, body awareness, emotional healing

Sex After 50 doesn’t have to decline — in fact, for many people, it gets better. In this episode of Ask a Sex Therapist, Heather is joined by Karen Bigman, a sex and relationship coach specializing in midlife and sex after 50, for an honest, funny, and deeply validating conversation about aging, desire, body changes, and intimacy.

They explore why so many couples assume that low libido, painful sex, or loss of desire is just “part of getting older” — and why that belief is often what actually harms a sex life the most.

From menopause and perimenopause to body image, shame, communication, and emotional intimacy, this episode reframes sex after 50 as something that can be playful, connected, and deeply satisfying.

You’ll hear practical insights about:

1. Why sex drive changes with age — and why that doesn’t mean sex is over
2. How menopause, hormones, and vaginal health affect desire and pleasure
3. Why mental foreplay, laughter, and connection matter more than performance
4. How to talk about sex with a partner when it feels awkward or intimidating
5. Letting go of obligatory sex and rebuilding pleasure without pressure
6. Why kissing, novelty, and communication are essential for long-term intimacy

This conversation is especially helpful for:

1. People navigating midlife, perimenopause, or menopause
2. Couples wondering how to keep sex fun and connected after 50
3. Anyone struggling with desire discrepancy, body confidence, or sexual shame
4. People curious about sex and aging
5. Partners who want to better support each other through aging and change

If you’ve ever wondered whether great sex is still possible later in life, this episode offers reassurance, science-backed insight, and permission to stop forcing what doesn’t work — and start enjoying what does.

Find out more about Karen Bigman, her podcast, courses and ARYA discount at: https://www.taboototruth.com/podcast

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Sex and Aging

04:03 Debunking Myths About Sex After 50

08:33 The Role of Hormones in Sexual Health

11:56 The Importance of Self-Compassion

14:21 Body Image and Self-Perception

17:16 Common Struggles in Sexuality After 50

21:13 The Necessity of Sex for Health

22:54 Dating and Communication in Later Life

23:33 Navigating Aging and Intimacy

24:28 Emotional Intimacy and Communication

25:48 The Art of Kissing

27:21 Exploring Playfulness in Relationships

28:32 Mental Foreplay and Connection

29:00 Kissing Techniques for Better Connection

31:17 Addressing Kissing Preferences

32:50 Overcoming Communication Barriers

34:29 Small Steps to Enhance Intimacy

36:00 The Importance of Novelty in Relationships

37:28 Quality Over Quantity in Sexual Relationships

39:12 Resources for Enhancing Intimacy

Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon explores the common sexual assumptions and misunderstandings that derail couples' sex lives. She discusses how past experiences shape current perceptions, the importance of maintaining a growth mindset, the influence of hedonic conditioning and the need for open communication to navigate assumptions. The conversation emphasizes the role of curiosity in fostering intimacy and understanding between partners.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Sexual Assumptions

05:40 The Impact of Past Experiences on Present Relationships

10:46 Mindset and Its Role in Sexual Communication

14:34 Navigating Assumptions in Long-Term Relationships

20:40 The Importance of Curiosity in Intimacy

Work With Heather

Want to get out of your sex rut? Request a free consultation for Heather's signature Pathway to Passion coaching program. Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call

Video Version

Check out the video version of this epsiode on our YouTube channel here: https://youtu.be/hyyz4ZyY65A

In this episode, Heather Shannon delves into the hidden reasons why sex becomes frustrating in long-term relationships. She explores four types of stories and meanings that couples attach to their sex lives, which often lead to emotional suffering. Through examples and frameworks like existential kink and internal family systems, Heather provides insights into how these unconscious belief patterns affect relationships and offers ways to reframe and address them for healthier connections.

Looking to get past sexual pressure or frustration and feel authentically close and excited again? Book a free consultation to see if coaching with Heather or a member of her team could be a good fit! Booking A Consultation With The Right Person

Want to get personalized coaching to improve your sex life? Book a free consultation with Certified Sex Therapist, Heather Shannon or her team. Booking A Consultation With The Right Person

Summary

In this conversation, Heather Shannon and Laura Alyn explore the journey of self-discovery in sexuality through self-inquiry and writing. Laura shares insights from her book, 'A Thousand Questions and Activities to Embrace Your Sexuality,' discussing the importance of understanding one's desires, the role of writing in processing thoughts, and the significance of open communication in relationships. They delve into the connection between body and mind, the exploration of kinks, and the necessity of creating a safe space for sexual expression. The discussion emphasizes the ongoing nature of personal growth and the importance of embracing one's sexuality without shame.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Sexual Self-Discovery

02:47 The Journey of Self-Inquiry

05:44 The Importance of Writing in Self-Discovery

08:48 Exploring Sexual Questions and Preferences

11:05 Diving Deeper into Kinks and Desires

13:46 Understanding Safety in Sexual Exploration

17:40 Connecting the Layers of Self

18:59 The Body-Mind Connection in Sexual Desire

20:31 Overriding Body Signals and Hustle Culture

21:37 Self-Inquiry and Personal Growth

22:28 The Ornelian Framework: A Path to Self-Discovery

23:55 Understanding Soul and Spirit in Intimacy

25:33 Navigating the Anxiety of Self-Inquiry

28:50 Complaints as Indicators of Deeper Desires

31:31 Responsibility in Relationships

32:40 Exploring Intimacy and Connection

34:34 Embracing Adventure in Sexual Exploration

Visit Laura Alyn's website and check out her framework here: https://theornelian.com/2025/08/27/framework/

Video Episode

Check out the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/GbUngjPy1nQ

Keywords

sexuality, self-inquiry, communication, desire, intimacy, kinks, writing, personal growth, relationships, self-discovery

Sex doesn’t usually disappear because people stop loving each other. It disappears because of emotional mistakes no one teaches us to recognize. In this episode, I’m breaking down five patterns that quietly destroy sex — and what to understand instead

Work With Heather

Feeling frustrated with your sex life or lack thereof? Book a free consultation with Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon or someone from her team! Click here to start.

Episode Summary

Heather discusses the 5 common emotional mistakes that can negatively impact a couple's sex life. She emphasizes the importance of understanding emotional dynamics rather than focusing solely on physical aspects of intimacy. The conversation covers common pitfalls such as taking a partner's lack of desire personally, moralizing around sex, recognizing emotional wounds, and the expectations surrounding sex in relationships. Heather encourages couples to foster empathy, curiosity, and open communication to enhance their emotional and sexual connection.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Emotional Mistakes in Sex Life

02:05 Taking Desire Personally: A Common Misconception

05:35 Blaming and Moralizing: The Impact on Relationships

10:46 Lack of Empathy for Sexual Wounds

15:11 Expecting Sex as an Obligation

20:35 The Honeymoon Phase: Unmasking Real Issues

Keywords

emotional mistakes, sex life, relationship advice, intimacy, sexual desire, communication, emotional wounds, libido, sexual health, couples therapy