It’s Sunday night. You’re in bed reading a list of what autism looks like in women, and every line is you. Rehearsing the phone call in the car. Needing three days to recover after a birthday party. The tags on your clothes.

Then something drops in your stomach. You close it and open the Woolies app instead. Nothing about you changed in those few minutes. So what did?

The Autism Self-Discovery Workbook isn’t out yet. If you’ve been carrying this question for years, join the waitlist and you’ll hear first.

Join the waitlist

I’m openly autistic and ADHD, and I still feel my stomach drop when I hear myself say it on someone else’s podcast. In this one I get into why ADHD got the fun rebrand and autism didn’t, why ‘am I just reading too much online?’ might be the wrong question, and what to do the next time the fear makes you close the app.

Wondering where you sit? Take the free autism screening for mums.

When Hiding Becomes Habit: Autism Screening for Mums

If you want more

How ADHD medication revealed my autistic traits

Is it social anxiety, or is it autism?

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‘It’s not fair!’ You’ve heard it so many times you could scream. And the worst part? Sometimes they’re right.

You keep asking the kid who says yes. The one who does it properly, first time, without the whinging. It’s faster. It’s quieter. And it might be quietly teaching her the exact thing you’ve spent years trying to unlearn.

Parenting educator Gen Muir is back. We get into why one kid ends up carrying more, why so many boys genuinely don’t see the towel on the floor, what to do about the plate that never makes it back from the rumpus room, and how to hold a chores boundary when you’re the one with ADHD and consistency is the hard bit. Plus the one line Gen would put on your fridge.

Listen to the whole Mental Load series: Mental Load series

More episodes you might like:

• Gen’s first episode with me, on sibling rivalry: Sibling Peace
• Where the good girl pattern starts: Good Girl Conditioning

If you’re the one doing everything, I wrote Doing Too Much for mums whose problem isn’t doing too little. It’s a printed workbook, posted to you, that helps you work out what to put down first. Doing Too Much workbook.

About Gen

Gen Muir is a parent educator, obstetric social worker and founder of Connected Parenting. Her new book, Why Kids Need Boundaries, is out now.

• Connected Parenting
• Beyond the Chaos podcast with Amy Gerard
• High Low Buffalo Cards

References

• Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 33-52.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

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‘If you can focus on that, you can focus on this.’ You said it standing at the bench, and he looked at you like you’d said it in another language.

He’s just died fifteen times on the same level and gone again. Ten maths questions, Year 4 stuff he’s done before, and a minute and a half later he’s picking the sticker off his drink bottle. Is he lazy? Is he doing it on purpose? Is he choosing? A listener asked all three, and the answer isn’t the one the screen-time argument gives you. Taking the iPad away doesn’t fix it, and there’s a reason.

More on school and homework: the school collection

https://tr.ee/schoolcollection

Mentioned in this episode: Why You Snap at 4pm When You Were Fine at 9am

https://tr.ee/qa3RcmxWoq

The free Energy Accounting Guide I mention, for working out how much your child has left by homework time

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

If homework is one more thing the school hands you to sort out at the kitchen bench, When School Isn’t Working is the guide I wish I’d had: the scripts, the rights and the plans for when the system doesn’t fit your child. Doing this on your own and money’s tight? Email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/

References

Sonuga-Barke, E. J., Taylor, E., Sembi, S. & Smith, J. (1992). Hyperactivity and delay aversion I: The effect of delay on choice. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 33(2), 387–398.

Antrop, I. et al. (2006). ADHD and delay aversion: the influence of non-temporal stimulation on choice for delayed rewards. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 47(11), 1152–1158.

Lemiere, J. et al. (2012). Brain activation to cues predicting inescapable delay in adolescent ADHD: an fMRI pilot study. Brain Research, 1450, 57–66.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313

All the top rated episodes sorted by topic

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Mentioned in this episode:

Free Resources

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