What if the calm you felt last Christmas wasn’t a fluke — but a clue?

In this episode, Jane responds to a listener who accidentally lost her Christmas list… and felt calmer than she ever had in December. Not because she stopped caring — but because the mental load finally dropped.

This conversation explains why ADHD mums hit capacity faster at Christmas, why letting go feels terrifying, and why you’re allowed to be done even when the list never ends.

1. Why losing the list created instant calm
2. The difference between dropping tasks and dropping load
3. What allostatic load is — and why ADHD mums carry more of it
4. Why your body knows you’re done before your brain agrees
5. How to stop before you shatter, not after

1. 🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download here

1. Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There
2. 👉 Click here to listen
3. Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?
4. 👉 Click here to listen
5. QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task
6. 👉 Click here to listen

Have a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?

👉 Send a listener question or story here:

Submit your question anonymously

I thought I was being polite.

I thought I was keeping my options open.

But somewhere between exhaustion, people-pleasing, and old survival habits, I abandoned myself — again.

In this episode, I share the exact moment it clicked: my 'soft no’s' weren’t boundaries at all. They were apologies wearing polite outfits. And when everything finally caught up with me, my nervous system had already run out of fuel.

This is a deeply human conversation about people-pleasing, the fawn response, ADHD overwhelm, and why saying no can feel genuinely unsafe — even when you desperately need to.

• Why 'maybe' is not a neutral response when you’re exhausted
• How people-pleasing is a nervous-system survival strategy, not a personality flaw
• What the fawn response actually looks like in ADHD mums
• Why overwhelm makes boundaries collapse
• The hidden cost of keeping the peace

If this episode landed for you, these conversations explore the same patterns of people-pleasing, masking, self-sacrifice, and nervous-system survival:

• Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• 👉 Listen here
• You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
• 👉 Listen here
• High Camouflaging ADHD and ASD
• 👉 Listen here
• Self-Sacrifice Is Not Your Friend (And Here’s Why)
• 👉 Listen here
• QUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality
• 👉 Listen here

🤍 FB Group:

If you want a space where you don’t have to explain yourself:

👉 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

December brings presents… and pressure. Family dynamics get loud, expectations get heavier, and suddenly you’re managing everyone’s feelings and your ADHD child’s reactions — all while trying not to implode.

This episode answers a powerful listener question: How do I handle gift-opening with my ADHD/PDA child without feeling ashamed, judged, or like I’m failing?

It’s not just about presents. It’s about generational conditioning, people-pleasing, masking, and the old belief that ‘being liked = being good.’

What We Cover

• Why ADHD/PDA kids may not react the “expected” way to gifts
• The inherited ‘good girl’ conditioning mums carry into adulthood
• Fawning as a trauma response (and why it flares during Christmas)
• How masking is taught — and why many of us learned adult comfort > child honesty
• How to script boundaries with family without apologising
• What to do before, during and after gift-opening to reduce conflict
• Why guilt shows up (and why it doesn’t mean you’re wrong)

This Episode Is For You If…

• Your stomach drops any time someone comments on your child’s reactions
• You’re torn between protecting your child and appeasing adults
• You feel responsible for everyone’s comfort — except your own
• You want to break the ‘good girl’ cycle, but December makes it hard
• You need language, scripts, and validation for navigating family events

Resources & Links

Related Podcast Episodes

• The Good Girl Episode
• The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else
• Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There

Relevant Tools & Programs

• Festive F* It Plan** — your calmer, kinder December blueprint
• ADHD Mums Guide to Boundaries & Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
• ADHD Mum’s Guide to Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons
• Navigating Impulse Spending During the Holidays with ADHD

Community & Forms

• Listener Question Form
• ADHD Mums Facebook Community — collective wisdom + real-life scripts

Content Warning

This episode touches on masking, childhood invalidation, and trauma-related people-pleasing patterns.

Listen Now

Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

Mentioned in this episode:

🎁ADHD MUMS PROGRAM LINK🎄

Four short audios. One simple workbook. Plan Christmas your way — calm,...