Showing results by author "Johnny Two Kebabs" in All Categories

Is it Stalin's Soviet Union? Pol Pot's Cambodia? Kim Jong Il's North Korea? Incredibly, it's twenty-first-century London. In a monstrous twist of fate, Johnny has been targeted by the local council, who believe that he no longer has the right to claim unemployment benefits unless he can "provide proof of actively searching for gainful employment."

The strangest episode of Johnny’s adventures so far sees him not only confronted by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher, but also by the mystery surrounding the death of one of his acquaintances.

This uproarious narrative relates how Johnny rose to fame by ingesting two doner kebabs in less than two minutes, after already having imbibed 13 pints of lager. Johnny also recounts how he foiled a terrorist attack by a Cornish separatist group, and experienced a series of visitations by the ghost of the Rt. Hon. Margaret Thatcher.

It is a fact that the average male bladder can hold approximately a pint of liquid. This quantity is somewhat greater in an Irishman, whose bladder can generally hold at least 750ml, or nearly one and a half pints. However, there are exceptions to every rule. In the case of Johnny Two Kebabs, it is well known that before having to relieve himself, he has, on occasion, imbibed up to four pints of lager. In this fifth installment of Johnny's memoirs, he relates how his "enhanced bladder capacity" helped prevent a terrorist attack by the Cornish separatist group the CNLO.

An extraordinary event: On June 15, 2011, an extraordinary event took place in Brixton, South London. An Irishman ingested two doner kebabs in one minute and 59 seconds after already having consumed 13 pints of lager. Now, for the first time, the true story of the events leading up to this feat is recounted by the protagonist, Johnny Two Kebabs. In this prequel, he relates the truth about how his exploits have ensured his place in the pantheon of characters who have shaped modern society.

In this second volume of his memoirs, Johnny describes how he infiltrated a dangerous gang of "activists" and thwarted a plot to carry out a series of attacks in the UK. We also learn more about Johnny Two Kebabs "the man" as opposed to just the public figure. We gain more insight into Johnny's "inner journey", as well his "outer journey" when he describes his experience of partaking of the "Kebab Of Truth". Johnny reveals more of his true self in this volume and he invites you to join him in eating the "Kebab Of Truth".

In these audiobooks, Johnny exposes the truth about not only how he thwarted a Russian assassination and a series of bombings in the UK but also how he solved the infamous "Mixed Doner Murders" case. We learn not only how Johnny operates behind the scenes in his fight against evil but also about his "philosophy" and the "ethical" code by which he lives. We are reminded that Johnny is one of the great "thinkers" of our times, and that the philosophy which he espouses transcends the limits of time being applicable to all in all eras.

This third instalment is arguably the most important volume of Johnny's memoirs as it firmly establishes him as one of the great "thinkers" of modern times. Johnny shares with us some of his insights into the criminal mind and what drives him in his crusade against evil. The art of boxing, political ideology, and gender fluidity all play a part in this latest fascinating chapter of Johnny's experience. In this audio, we get closer to understanding Johnny's "philosophy of life" through the examination of modern day issues such as "diversity and inclusion".

Who is Johnny Two Kebabs? There has been much speculation in recent years as to whether Johnny Two Kebabs really exists. Is it true that on June 15, 2011, after drinking 13 pints of lager, he polished off two doner kebabs in one minute, 59 seconds? Is Johnny Two Kebabs just an urban legend? Is the song that was written about him and for which the video appears on the internet just in the tradition of Irish blarney and storytelling?

When Johnny's underpants are stolen, such is his outrage that he takes a solemn vow: Until the day he tracks down the underpants thief and brings him to justice, he will 'go commando.' Deprived of his jocks and driven by a relentless desire for justice, he investigates not only the theft of his undergarment but also the circumstances surrounding a trail of bodies left in south London by the 'underpants killer.'