Showing results by author "Dustin Gross" in All Categories

The fate of America rests in the hands of a washed-up stuntman, a foul-mouthed ex-wrestler, and a woman who should’ve taken another job offer. Duke Thunder wasn’t supposed to run for president. But after a bar fight, a stolen VHS tape, and a deep-state assassination attempt, he had no choice. Now, he’s leading a beer-fueled revolution, exposing conspiracies that shouldn’t exist, and rewriting the Constitution—with his fists. But shadowy forces want him gone. The Woke Mafia, the Deep State, and Hollywood elites have declared war.

Kevin of No Particular Skills never asked to be the Chosen One. He just wanted to tend his cabbages and use the outhouse in peace. But when a flaming prophet crashes into his field screaming about world-ending darkness, Kevin is thrust into a quest he never wanted—with a magical talking sword named Wendy (who really wants to cuddle), a rage-prone princess with trust issues, a washed-up alcoholic knight, and a goblin going through a motivational cult phase. Together, this chaotic band of misfits is Eldoria’s last hope. Probably. Maybe. Okay, not really—but the prophecy insists.

Meet Percy: a short-tempered emperor penguin with delusions of grandeur, a vocabulary that could peel paint off an iceberg, and a dream of ruling the South Pole—with violence, vengeance, and unapologetic sarcasm. After getting booted from his colony for flipper-based misconduct and general rage issues, Percy stumbles into the under-ice criminal underworld. What follows is a riotous rise through penguin slap-fights, seal mafia showdowns, and emotionally unstable puffins—with Percy building an empire of ice, fish, and fury.

Dive into the wild, sacred, and scandalous 2,000-year saga of the Catholic Church with The Keys of Heaven and the Sins of Earth by Dustin Gross—a brutally honest history that pulls no punches. From catacombs to cathedrals, this book uncovers the Church’s greatest hits and darkest misses: saintly heroes like Oscar Romero, power-hungry popes plotting like mob bosses, and earth-shaking controversies from the Crusades to modern abuse scandals.

Meet Barry. He’s a nicotine-addicted war veteran with Irritable Bird Syndrome and a grudge against influencer falcons. Once a legendary pigeon in the Bagel Wars of ’09, Barry Fin now spends his days chain-smoking on rooftops, pooping on Teslas, and screaming at TikTok sparrows. But when a smug perchfluencer named SkyDaddy69 starts gentrifying the skies of Brooklyn, Barry’s not about to take it sitting down (mostly because his gut won’t let him).

Ever feel like your flaws—cussing, temper, or all-out messiness—disqualify you from God’s love? Dustin Gross gets it. In this raw, hilarious Christian memoir, he shares his journey of wrestling with faith, failure, and the relentless grace that holds it all together. With wit and heart, Holy F-Bombs invites you into a faith that’s real, not polished. Through stories of shouting prayers and biblical hotheads like Peter, Gross reveals how God meets us in our chaos.

Barry’s got issues. Anger issues. Drinking issues. Authority issues. Oh—and his stinger has a name. It's Carl. And Carl wants blood. After being kicked out of Bee Therapy (again), Barry finds himself slapped with Hive Probation, forced to work with a butterfly “Calmness Coach” named Clover, and hunted by riot-gear-wearing Peace-Beetles. His crime? Buzzing too hard and giving zero pollen about authority.

In the festering muck of Boggy Ballsack Swamp, Frank—a short-legged, rage-fueled frog—croaks his way through a dark comedy fantasy that’s as hilarious as it is unhinged.

Odin’s got one eye, Thor’s got zero brains, and Loki’s got no morals. Welcome to Norse Mythology—like you’ve never seen it before!

What do you get when you mix a cranky God, a bunch of emotionally fragile prophets, 613 commandments, and a whole lot of carbs? A sacred mess called Judaism—and this hilariously dysfunctional guide is here to make sense of it all. In Oy Vey Almighty, we dive headfirst into the wonders and weirdness of Jewish faith, history, rituals, and culture—from Abraham’s awkward parenting to Moses' divine burnout, from Shabbat naps to Passover plagues.

Ever fantasized about ghosting Thanksgiving—and your entire family? How to Quit Your Family (Without Getting Arrested) is your brutally honest, laugh-out-loud roadmap to freedom from toxic relatives, guilt-ridden holidays, and generational dysfunction.

In the small town of Fartsville, USA, a cow appeared—mysteriously, majestically, and profoundly flatulent. Her name is Betsy, and her wind carries prophecy. The Divine Udderance is a hilariously holy satire of modern faith, influencer culture, capitalism, and the sheer absurdity of worshipping a gas-blessed bovine. From jazz-fueled fart battles to gluten-free miracles, Betsy’s tale is one of unexpected enlightenment, complete with jazz bands, TikTok prophets, National Guard conversions, and a child who decodes her toots in Morse code.

Doom awaits…or so Mortimer Gravewhisper hopes. A tiny, brooding gnome obsessed with the inevitable, he sets out on a quest for ultimate despair—only to accidentally become a hero. With a sarcastic necromancer, an unstoppable cow, and a very confused prophecy, Mortimer’s journey proves that doom is frustratingly elusive… and hilarious.

Basic training was a disaster. His first mission was worse. But somehow, Private Johnny Durham is still alive—and that’s the real miracle. What happens when the world’s most unlucky soldier stumbles his way through the ranks of the U.S. Army? Absolute chaos.

"The Great Antarctic Mystery" follows Traci the Penguin, her adventurous husband Dustin, and their curious daughter Lizzie as they embark on a journey inspired by a glowing, ancient map Dustin discovers.

Shut Up, Change Your Socks, and Drink Some Damn Water is a brutally honest, hilariously vulgar field manual for life—served with a shot of military-grade wisdom and zero sugarcoating.

Paris is beautiful. Paris is frustrating. Paris will eat you alive—unless you know what you’re doing. So you’re dreaming of sipping espresso at a charming café, strolling along the Seine, and living your best Parisian fantasy? Fantastic. But here’s the thing: Paris doesn’t care about your dreams. The city is unforgiving to tourists, brutal to the unprepared, and an endless maze of unspoken rules. That’s where this book comes in. How to avoid tourist traps, scams, and pickpockets (without looking paranoid).

Whether you’re dealing with needy coworkers, guilt-tripping relatives, or friends who only show up when they need a favor, this audiobook arms you with real-world strategies—and laugh-out-loud lines—to say no like a pro.

A laugh-out-loud survival guide for middle school mischief-makers! Charlie McGillicutty isn’t a troublemaker—he’s a scientist of chaos. Unfortunately, his latest experiment (involving a hamster-powered rocket) goes slightly wrong, earning him permanent lunch duty and a ridiculous punishment: write the Ultimate Guide to Being a Kid… or else.

Did you know that Zeus had the impulse control of a reality TV star on a bender? That Poseidon settled his grudges with tsunamis? Or that Ares was the god of war but somehow still managed to lose fights? Divine Dysfunction is a wild, sarcastic deep dive into the Greek and Roman gods who ruled the cosmos but couldn’t rule their own lives.