The aftermath of the infamously viral podcast about my post-conventional relationship with my beloved wife Vylana and Alana Beale has been one of the hardest months of my life. It’s forced me to ask deep, penetrating questions about who I am, at the core of my being.

The process has been profoundly alchemical, a kind of calcination where all the bullsh*t parts are burnt away, and the real truth remains. What you will see on this podcast with my former fiancé and current best friend Caitlyn Howe is an honest exploration of all the vulnerabilities, cracks, faults, mistakes, of a real, living, breathing human being. I am so thankful for this process. Not just for the outpouring of love and support, but for the sharp critiques that help excavate what is really under the surface if you have the courage to look.

I am not sorry for being who I am. But I am deeply sorry for everyone who has been hurt by people who didn’t have the courage or awareness to know their truth. I have been on both sides, as a person that has hurt people and as a person who has been hurt by people. My prayer is that this story can in some way inspire that same alchemical process of self inquiry and clarification so there can be less pain and more beauty, in a world that desperately needs to balance the scales.

Thank you for following this story, thank you for your precious time and attention. Whether it has been in anger or love, it has all been medicine. Thank you.

Check out Caitlyn Howe’s new poetry book Ridiculous Masterpiece https://chakaruna.com/collections/books

| Caitlyn Howe |

Website | https://www.poetqueen.com/

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| Aubrey Marcus |

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