Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After 37 years of marriage marked by sexual betrayal and addiction, my husband left for another woman, leaving deep trauma and guilt in his wake. I wrestle with regret, self-blame, and grief after years of prayer and perseverance. How do I heal from this betrayal, forgive him, and release the past so I can build a sane, hopeful future?
• More than four years after discovering decades of hidden infidelity, I’m still living with trauma, unanswered questions, and confusion about what true recovery even looks like. Therapy helped, but accountability, boundaries, and honest dialogue were never addressed. Am I wrong to keep seeking clarity and healing, or is moving forward impossible without real transparency and shared responsibility?
• I’m lost and devastated, struggling to trust my husband’s recovery, transparency, and willingness to include me rather than keep me at a distance. Unless I push, he shares nothing, leaving me questioning his honesty and commitment. How much should I pursue involvement in his recovery, and how can I rebuild any level of trust without losing myself in the process?

Bonus Question:

Dear Ashley and Heather: So much of your counsel includes suggesting to “find individual therapists.” But not all therapists are created equal. Can you please help your listeners- including me - get a sanity check on what effective “sex addiction therapy” should look like: what are the key components and key indicators that recovery is happening for the addict spouse? I’m asking because after three years of my husband seeing a therapist known for his specialty in sex addiction, my husband has made minimal to no real progress. My husband has shown an exceptional level of resistance to doing the hard work, but I only just recently learned about CSAT certification. Could having a therapist that follows a more loose style of "what are you coming in with today" be a factor?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Why do I keep going back to porn or affairs even when I genuinely want to stop? I’ve prayed, made promises, installed accountability, and genuinely meant it—yet somehow I still find myself back here. Each relapse leaves me more confused and ashamed, wondering why my desire to change doesn’t seem to be enough.
• Is this really an addiction—or am I just a bad person? Part of me wants an explanation, and part of me fears it doesn’t exist. I worry that if this isn’t an addiction, then the problem is simply who I am—and that maybe I’m beyond real change.
• I specifically struggle with having a crush on my husband’s best friend. I hate that my mind goes places I don’t want it to, even with people I care about and would never want to hurt. I feel trapped between my thoughts, my shame, and my fear of what this says about my heart. How do I stop objectifying men and start seeing them as people again?

Listen Now

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Nearly two years after betrayal and decades of marriage, I’m trying to coexist with a husband in recovery who seeks help but struggles to empathize with my pain. I feel unseen, fearful of being on my own, and unsure whether healing together is possible. Is coexistence enough, or am I denying what my heart truly needs?
• I am working on my safety action plan and I feel that I’ve been unsafe for so long, I don’t know where to start establishing safety. How can I reconnect with that feeling?
• I’m grateful for the support I’ve found, yet I’m still deeply triggered by anxiety and mistrust, even as I see my husband growing in recovery and faith. Nightmares and small moments spiral into painful fears I can’t seem to stop. Will these triggers ever ease, and how do I regain a sense of safety and peace again?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Betrayal Bind

Out of the Doghouse

Worthy of Her Trust

Help Her Heal

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’ve been married twenty years and have lived with the quiet pain of my husband’s porn use, avoidance, and lack of accountability. I’ve pursued healing alone while he remains passive, leaving me stuck between guilt, anger, and resentment—especially amid his health struggles. How do I break this cycle and decide what’s truly healthy for me and our marriage?
• Fifteen months after discovery and nearly two decades of marriage, I’m deeply wounded by my husband’s sexual betrayal. We went through two disclosures and two polygraphs before everything was finally revealed (recording us during sex and sharing nude pics of me in chat rooms, among other things). Though he’s now in strong recovery, I’ve felt alone in my healing until hearing a similar story on a recent Unfiltered episode. Is this pattern common in sexual addiction, and how do betrayed partners find real support and hope?
• I started a B&B group 5 months before my husband—he just started Seven Pillars. I definitely want full-disclosure, but the weight of knowing more pain is coming and not knowing the full truth yet has been difficult to manage. What advice do you have to prepare for the full-disclosure process? What suggestions do you have for post-disclosure self-care?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Honesty Vs. Disclosure - PD Podcast

'Honestly Speaking' Blog

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activating those fears. How can we experiment in ways that feel safe for both of us?
• I’ve found guidance and healing through your podcast, counseling, and trusted couples while navigating my husband’s secret pornography use throughout our marriage. We want to address shame and growth without oversharing. How can we share what we’ve learned about marriage and God’s healing power in ways that honor our privacy yet support others?
• I want to support my spouse through their sexual addiction without overstepping or causing shame. How do I provide healthy accountability and encouragement?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband’s past pornography addiction and my own history of sex and love addiction make occasional new sexual behaviors triggering for me. When something unexpected happens, I feel unsafe and disconnected. We want to keep exploring intimacy without activating those fears. How can we experiment in ways that feel safe for both of us?
• I’ve found guidance and healing through your podcast, counseling, and trusted couples while navigating my husband’s secret pornography use throughout our marriage. We want to address shame and growth without oversharing. How can we share what we’ve learned about marriage and God’s healing power in ways that honor our privacy yet support others?
• I want to support my spouse through their sexual addiction without overstepping or causing shame. How do I provide healthy accountability and encouragement?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• One of my group members is struggling after discovering his wife’s year-long affair, which began after he pressured her to watch pornography with him and she became addicted herself. They are seeing a counselor locally. What resources would you recommend to help them navigate betrayal, addiction, and rebuilding their marriage?
• I have a hard time stopping things when they begin getting too sexual. I want to date and eventually get married, but I have a hard time trusting myself and setting reasonable boundaries without scaring off every guy. Do men really want a woman who won’t be sexual?
• I worry my past sexual behaviors or compulsions will prevent me from experiencing healthy intimacy. How can I reconcile my history while moving forward in sexual wholeness?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

PD Podcast w/ Cyndie & Dusty

Out of The Dog House Book

All Our Tools

Daring Ventures (Dr. Jake Porter)

APSATS Coaches List

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Since discovery, I’ve worked hard to heal my sexuality and past trauma, as well as the impact of my husband’s addiction. I fight against resentment while still longing for emotional closeness with him, which often leads to wanting sexual intimacy too. I’m unsure if these desires are healthy or normal. Is this normal?
• After 37 years of marriage, I discovered my husband had an emotional affair for two months. Though he’s remorseful and loving me more than ever, I’m devastated, struggling to trust, and questioning God. I want to heal and move forward—how can I restore peace and trust in my heart?
• I am looking for some resources or guidance on navigating betrayal trauma and having a new baby. The feeling of baby blues on top of trauma from a recent disclosure of sexual addiction from my husband is overwhelming.

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.