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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I'd love to hear you discuss forgiveness. We're often warned against forgiving too soon or improperly, but rarely told how to forgive the right way. When is the right time? What does forgiveness look like without reconciliation or trust? Can unforgiveness lead to bitterness in a betrayed wife?
• Could you discuss practical tools for building empathy in relationships? It feels essential for healing, especially after betrayal, but it’s often hard to know where to start. What are some specific actions or strategies that can help partners develop deeper empathy and understanding for each other’s feelings and experiences?
• After 30 years of marriage and my husband’s struggle with sexual addiction, he’s found freedom. But a recent non-sensual massage triggered me—reminding me of past betrayals. Am I overreacting? Do I need more healing? Should I ask him to seek another man's perspective, or just let it go

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Email your questions to unfiltered@puredesire.org

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I am wondering if a husband is supposed to tell his wife about relapses after full disclosure? My husband doesn’t want to cause me “more trauma” and says, “I am acting like an accountability partner.” When I tell him it’s to help restore trust with honesty, he says he has been honest because I’ve known about his struggle. But I don’t know about current relapses. He is in a program and I am seeking healing. Any insights on how to have this conversation? Is he right?
• My husband has been relapsing for 2.5 years and doesn't disclose within the agreed 24-hour period. Instead, he waits weeks or months, which leaves me feeling hopeless and angry. What boundaries should I put in place and how long do I let him continue this pattern? Although he’s in a Seven Pillars group and working on recovery, his ongoing deception makes rebuilding trust difficult. I have a safety plan in place, but his lying is a major issue. I want him to find freedom, but I don’t know how much more I can endure.
• Are there guidelines for healthy boundaries during separation? A separation safety action plan? How to help the kids through this? After a previous separation, I rushed back, but now, a year later, my husband violated my safety plan, requiring another separation. I’m in counseling, he’s nearing the end of his Seven Pillars group, but avoids personal counseling. He claims to be “trying,” yet the same patterns persist—relapsing every 3-6 months and swapping one addiction for another. I’m not seeing real growth or accountability.

7 Key Components of a “Therapeutic” Separation Agreement

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’ve been leading Betrayal & Beyond groups. Sometimes I’ll have women whose husbands are involved in paraphilia and I wonder how to help them. (Cross dressing, exhibitionism, anonymous sex with other men even though they are not homosexual, etc.) I haven’t seen or heard any advice from PD on this subject. Can you offer some encouraging things I could share with them? I don’t want to make them feel worse by saying the wrong thing.
• What are the thoughts around women reading fictional books that have spicy scenes? Is it wrong across the board? My husband has been in Seven Pillars and Compassionate Warrior groups and I've gone through a Betrayal & Beyond group. My thought for the books being acceptable is reading about women who actually have a sex drive and are passionate about being intimate with their partner. A freedom they must have in the fictional world without a betrayal in their history. Lol.
• I'm looking for advice on where Christian women can learn specific ways to enhance their sex life. In my youth, I read secular magazines with tips on touching a man’s body, but now, as a Christian, I want to avoid non-God-honoring content and porn. Our sex life is decent, but I want to improve it. I've read several Christian books on sex, but they feel too basic. After 18 years of marriage, any tips on spicing things up?
  

Sheila Wray Gregoire's Resoureces

The Gift of Sex by Cliff & Joyce Penner

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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Follow us on X (Twitter)