It’s easy to feel steady in love—until you and your partner aren’t moving at the same pace. When one person is ready for the next step and the other isn’t, even the healthiest relationships can start to feel uncertain. Julie and Yue sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Alexandra Solomon to unpack what’s really happening beneath pace discrepancies. Drawing from her groundbreaking work on relational self-awareness, Dr. Solomon explains why mismatched timing activates attachment patterns, old schemas, and deep questions about worthiness—and how couples can navigate these moments without spiraling into fear, pressure, or ultimatums.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why Pace Discrepancies Trigger Attachment, Anxiety, and Self-Doubt

• How Your Past Bonds Influence the Meaning You Make in These Moments

• How to Communicate Needs and Hopes Without Issuing an Ultimatum

• How to Tell the Difference Between a Temporary Pause and a Fundamental Misalignment

• Why One Partner Often Moves Faster (or Slower) — and What That Reveals About Their Inner World

• How to Stay Connected, Curious, and Compassionate Through Mismatched Timing

• When to Keep Moving Forward Together — and When It Might Be Time to Walk Away

To learn more about Dr. Solomon: follow @dr.alexandra.solomon, listen to Reimagining Love, and read her books Loving Bravely, Taking Sexy Back, and Love Every Day.

Love grows when you do. We talk a lot about how to find love and how to keep it, but not nearly enough about how to grow inside it. Because real love isn’t just a feeling — it’s a skill. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with New York Times bestselling author Diego Perez (better known as Yung Pueblo) to explore how self-awareness, attachment, and emotional regulation shape the way we show up in relationships. Drawing from mindfulness and modern psychology, he breaks down how our pasts wire us, how our unhealed parts seek safety, and why growth — not perfection — is what truly strengthens intimacy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to Build Self-Awareness That Strengthens Your Relationship

• Why Attachment and Nervous System Patterns Shape the Way You Love

• How to Regulate Emotions During Triggering or Tense Moments

• Ways to Separate Past Wounds From Present Dynamics

• How to Make More Conscious, Intentional Choices in How You Love

• Why Couples Grow Together Through Repair, Not Perfection

• How to Practice Accountability That Deepens Intimacy

To learn more about Yung Pueblo: follow @yung_pueblo and visit: https://yungpueblo.com/

When love feels hard, it’s easy to forget why we chose it in the first place. But remembering why we love—and what drives our need for connection—is often what helps us stay grounded. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Anna Machin to explore what biology, psychology, and evolution can teach us about the most deeply human experience we have. Drawing from two decades of research, Dr. Machin reveals how our earliest attachments, neurochemical patterns, and evolutionary instincts shape how we love, who we choose, and why connection is so essential to our wellbeing.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How Evolution and Early Attachment Form Your Blueprint for Love

How Brain Chemistry Drives Attraction, Bonding, and Long-Term Connection

How Different Forms of Love—Romantic, Familial, Queer, Platonic, Polyamorous—Function in the Brain

Why Love Can Feel Addictive—and the Psychology Behind Coercive or Unhealthy Dynamics

How to Make More Conscious, Intentional Choices in How You Love

Why Love Is the Single Most Important Factor in Human Health and Meaning

To learn more about Dr Anna Machin: follow @dr_amachin and visit: https://annamachin.com/

We don’t just show up to relationships as adults — we show up with every belief we learned long before. Those early schemas — the quiet stories like “I’m not enough,” “People always leave,” or “Love has to be earned” — shape our patterns far more than we realize. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with psychologist and schema expert Dr. Avigail Lev to break down how these core beliefs form, why they’re so sticky, and how understanding them can transform the way we love. Dr. Lev explains how identifying your schemas helps you interrupt old cycles, build more secure connections, and finally rewrite the patterns that keep you stuck.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

What schemas are and why these beliefs are hard to shake

How your early experiences shape the way you show up in relationships

Which thoughts keep you stuck in the same love traps

Why you’re drawn to certain types of partners and patterns

How to recognize the subconscious beliefs guiding your behavior

Practical ways to change your behavior and create the love life you want

To learn more about Dr. Avigail Lev: visit: https://bayareacbtcenter.com/therapist/avigail-lev-psyd/

To take the relationship schemas quiz: visit https://bayareacbtcenter.com/relationship-schema-quiz/

The reality is: no relationship is perfect. Conflict happens. Sometimes we hurt each other — even in the healthiest partnerships. But what truly matters is how we respond. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with licensed therapist Vienna Pharaon and men’s work leader Connor Beaton to explore why repair — not perfection — is the real foundation of a healthy relationship. Drawing from their own lived experience (including navigating new parenthood) and the work they do with couples every day, Vienna and Connor break down how accountability, compassion, and intentional repair can turn moments of rupture into opportunities for deeper connection.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to Practice Real Accountability in Your Relationship

How to Repair After Conflict in a Way That Builds Trust

How to Understand the Patterns You Bring from Your Family of Origin

How to Communicate During Tense Moments Without Escalating

How to Reconnect Emotionally After You’ve Hurt Each Other

How to Stay a Team Through Stress, Change, and New Life Transitions

To learn more about Vienna: follow @mindfulmft and visit: https://viennapharaon.com/

To learn more about Connor: follow @mantalks and visit https://connorbeaton.com/

The reason relationships feel so rewarding and so hard? You’re not just dating a person, you’re navigating two sets of needs, triggers, habits, fears, and histories in one partnership. Beneath every smile, every fight, and every silence, there’s psychology at work. Over the past decade, we’ve explored modern dating on our hit podcast Dateable and through our book How to Be Dateable (Simon & Schuster, Jan 2025), learning what it takes to move from dating to committed partnerships. But the journey doesn’t stop there: we want to keep building dream relationships that thrive over time. In this episode, we dive into the six pillars we believe form the foundation of strong partnerships, and how you can build the habits to strengthen your relationship through every stage of life.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to become aware of your own patterns and triggers in relationships

Better strategies for communication and repair after conflict

How to regulate emotions and provide meaningful support to your partner

The importance of reciprocity, appreciation, and true teamwork

How to manage expectations and adopt a growth mindset as a couple

Ways to create shared meaning and deepen connection over time

To learn more about Julie: follow @juliekrafchick and visit: https://juliekrafchick.com/

To learn more about Yue: follow @nonplatonic and visit https://www.yuexu.com/

Or to learn more about both of us at Dateable: follow @dateablepodcast and visit http://dateablepodcast.com/

This is The Psychology of Relationships out 11/20/25. Subscribe now so you get all the episodes.