If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, overwhelming, or emotionally draining, you may be wondering if you’re dealing with covert narcissism—and whether you should stay or leave. In this part one of the CNG Community Chat, we explore why that decision can feel so difficult and why you don’t have to rush it.

Through a real community conversation, we talk about the emotional toll of covert narcissistic abuse, including self-doubt, guilt, fear, and the pressure to figure everything out right away. You’ll hear honest stories from women at different stages of this journey—some still in the relationship, others navigating life after leaving—and how they are learning to reclaim clarity and peace.

If you feel stuck in a relationship, questioning your reality, or unsure of your next step, this episode will help you understand why pausing is not weakness—it’s a powerful part of healing. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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Last week’s episode explored why covert narcissism appears to be thriving in today’s culture and the conditions that allow these behaviors to remain hidden. In this follow-up episode, we bring the conversation closer to everyday life.

If covert narcissistic dynamics can hide so easily in our culture, how do you begin recognizing them in your own interactions?

In this episode, Renee Swanson shares five questions you can quietly ask yourself when something feels confusing or off in a relationship. These patterns are often discussed in romantic partnerships, but they can also appear with friends, coworkers, and family members.

Rather than focusing on diagnosing someone else, these questions help you pay attention to your own experience — how conversations unfold, how you feel afterward, and whether your voice and needs are being respected.

If you often leave interactions feeling confused, guilty, or like something didn’t quite add up, this episode may help you begin seeing those dynamics more clearly. You may recognize one of these patterns sooner than you expect.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In relationships with a covert narcissist, control doesn’t always appear as obvious demands. Instead, it often shows up through a confusing set of small, unwritten "rules" that quietly shape everyday life. The problems come not from preferences. We all have preferences. But with a covert narcissist, these are rules with punishments.

In this episode, Renee shares real responses from her CNG Facebook community about the strangest and most confusing rules they were expected to follow while living with covert narcissistic dynamics. Rules about lights, groceries, TV remotes, bedtime, friendships, and even which gas station or soda was allowed in the house.

Individually these rules may seem small, but together they create a system of control that forces one person to constantly adjust, anticipate reactions, and second-guess themselves. If you’ve ever felt like you were always breaking rules you didn’t know existed, this episode may bring clarity to your experience.

If you are navigating this nightmare, coaching with someone who "gets" it can make all the difference in the world! Join me at https://www.covertnarcissism.com/coaching-program

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Is narcissism actually increasing, or are we simply becoming more aware of it? The truth is that narcissistic traits have always existed throughout history. What changes over time is the environment those traits grow in.

In this episode, we explore why covert narcissism seems to be thriving in today’s culture and why these behaviors can be so difficult to recognize. Unlike overt narcissism, which is loud and obvious, covert narcissism often hides behind kindness, sensitivity, and a carefully managed image.

You’ll learn how certain cultural conditions make it easier for these patterns to remain hidden in relationships, families, workplaces, and communities.

In this episode, Renee explores five cultural conditions that allow covert narcissistic dynamics to thrive, including:

• A culture that prioritizes image over integrity
• Impression management replacing self-reflection
• Victimhood becoming social protection
• Emotional language used without accountability
• A growing intolerance for emotional discomfort

Understanding these patterns can help you make sense of confusing interactions and recognize when empathy is genuine—and when it may simply be a performance.

If you’ve ever felt like someone in your life appears kind and supportive to others but leaves you feeling confused, blamed, or emotionally drained, this episode will help bring clarity to those experiences.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In Part 2 of this community chat, we move from confusion to clarity.

After years—sometimes decades—of minimizing behavior and blaming themselves, these women share what finally shifted. What happens when you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What’s really happening here?”

We talk about:

• The slow accumulation that leads to clarity

• Questioning their behavior instead of your own

• Rebuilding self-trust after covert narcissistic abuse

• The emotional toll of living in self-blame

• Why it’s never too late to choose peace

If you’ve been walking on eggshells, second-guessing yourself, or feeling like two different versions of who you are, this episode will help you understand why recognizing covert narcissism takes time — and why clarity changes everything.

Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. Don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you are living with covert narcissism in your marriage and starting to notice changes in your children — depression, anxiety, slipping grades, withdrawal, golden child or scapegoat dynamics — this episode is for you.

In this episode, we explore how covert narcissism affects children, including the subtle but powerful ways kids adapt to emotional unpredictability inside the home. When one child becomes the high-achieving “golden child,” another absorbs blame as the “scapegoat,” and another disappears into isolation, these are not random personality traits. They are survival responses.

We’ll talk about:

• Signs your child may be impacted by covert narcissistic abuse
• Situational depression in teens and what it may be signaling
• How trauma bonding can affect children
• Why kids organize themselves around a volatile parent
• The long-term effects of growing up in emotional instability
• Practical, age-appropriate ways to talk to your children about what they’re feeling

You don’t need dramatic proof to take your child’s emotional well-being seriously. When the kids start hurting, it changes everything. This episode will help you recognize the signs and give you practical tools to begin supporting your children in healthy, grounded ways.

Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at [your website]. And don’t forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why is it so difficult to recognize covert narcissistic abuse when you’re living inside it?

In Part 1 of this community chat, Olivia, Cindy, and Shannon share why they couldn’t call their relationships abusive for years—even decades. When emotional abuse is subtle, mixed with good moments, public charm, and messages like “marriage is just hard,” the confusion runs deep.

We talk about:

• Growing up with normalized dysfunction

• Calling it “communication problems” instead of abuse

• Faith, loyalty, and trying harder to be a “good wife”

• Intermittent reinforcement and hope resetting the pain

• Minimizing red flags—including physical aggression

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it really abuse, or am I overreacting?” this episode will help you understand why naming it feels so hard.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you feel “too emotional,” hypersensitive, or unstable in your relationship, this episode will help you understand what is really happening. Today we are exploring covert narcissism and the nervous system — and why what looks like emotional reactivity is often a biological response to unpredictability, invalidation, and emotional disconnection.

In covert narcissistic dynamics, you are often labeled as the reactive one. The dramatic one. The one who can’t let things go. Meanwhile, your partner appears calm, detached, or ready to move on as if nothing happened. Over time, you begin to question yourself. Am I the problem? Am I unstable? Am I the narcissist?

In this episode, we break down what is happening in your brain and body during these moments. We discuss attachment threat, amygdala activation, prefrontal cortex shutdown, and polyvagal theory in simple terms. You will learn why unpredictability keeps your nervous system on high alert and why you cannot “heal your reactivity” in an environment that continues to feel unsafe.

We also explore the honest question: maybe you are reactive. Maybe some of your wiring comes from childhood. But nervous systems heal in safe environments. If your partner does not provide consistency, repair, and co-regulation, your body will continue to respond accordingly.

This episode will help you shift from shame to understanding. Your nervous system is not your enemy. It may be responding exactly as it was designed to respond.

If you are living with a covert narcissist, questioning your emotional stability, or wondering why you feel so activated in your relationship, this episode will give you clarity and direction.

Your body is not broken. It has been trying to protect you.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.