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Many people find that as they move through life that they have to shift gears…a new job, a new career, family, divorce, move. Many people are looking for that “new path” when they study NLP.

As we prepare for these shifts, a great way to start is to develop a set of presuppositions and guiding questions to steer the change. This will ensure that the change will stay in place. This is the step before any planning or goal setting, or even belief changes.

This episode is a 5-step process to help you develop these presuppositions and guiding questions.

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NLP for Emotional Regulation

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the capacity to recognize, understand, and navigate your emotions and those of others. It includes Self-Awareness, Emotional Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional Regulation (ER) is a component of EQ strategies for managing their intensity and expression and intentionally creating emotional states you want. ER skills give you greater choice over your emotional experience.

NLP provides a variety of simple, effective, and unique methods and strategies for achieving this.

Why is ER Important?

ER is important because so much of our human experience involves our emotional states. Having the right emotional state for a situation can help us perform better.

NLP Methods for Regulating Emotions

Learning NLP

4-Tuple

Anchoring

Submodality Changes

Swish Patterns

Break State- pattern interrupt

Meta Model

Modeling: sit up straight, smile, look up.

Reframing

Acting as if – one of the foundational pillars of NLP

Pleasant Emotional States

Intentionally experiencing and amplifying states such as:

- Gratitude

- Appreciation

- Peace

- Confidence

- Curiosity:

Having access to pleasant/resourceful states can help us maintain physical and emotional health and energize us during difficult situations or periods in our lives.

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The Not-So-Subtle Art of Complaining

Most of us complain, but is it good or bad? What makes it productive or toxic?

Overview of what will be covered:

• Common language patterns of complaining
• The benefits and downsides of complaining
• How to shift from chronic complaining

The Language of Complaints

This was discovered by using AI to analyze posts on a social media platform that contained complaints. We then used the NLP Meta Model pattern to refine the search and find the 8 most common language patterns in complaints. Four of the most common patterns fit into the Meta Model, and AI discovered four patterns that are unique to complaining.

Discuss the top 8 common language patterns of complaining​:

• Negative Personal Attribution (e.g., “He’s rude,” “They’re such idiots.”) Lost Evaluator or Lost Performative
• Absolute Overgeneralization – Never, Always, Nothing, etc. (“They never listen”) Universal Quantifier
• Modal Operators – Can’t, Should, Need to (“She should know better.”)
• Cause/Effect Statements (“Because they lied, I’m mad,” “He’s late again, so it’s pointless now.”)
• Rhetorical Venting Questions - Why and How (“Why are people so annoying?”)
• Hyperbolic Adverbs – Totally, Absolutely, Completely (“This is totally unfair”)
• “Keeps” Phrases - (“She keeps yelling.” “This keeps happening.”)
• Sarcasm - “Thanks/Good Job” (“Oh, great job!”)

Recognizing these patterns can help us avoid chronic complaining, lessen its negative impact on ourselves, or better understand how to deal with people who complain to us.

The Positive Side of Complaining

• Exploring how complaining can be beneficial​:
• One of the NLP presuppositions is “All behavior is useful in some context.” When does complaining serve a useful purpose?

The Dark Side of Complaining

Strategies to Overcome Chronic Complaining in Ourselves

Key Takeaways:

• Complaining isn’t inherently bad—it depends on the purpose and frequency.
• Recognizing language patterns can help us become more mindful of our complaints.
• Finding balance is key - venting is okay, but chronic negativity is damaging.
• Practical ways to shift from unhelpful complaining to productive problem-solving.

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